Issues With Orgasms -Any Ideas?

[Ea****]

So…This has been an issue for me for most of my life. Anytime I ever have/had actual penetration sex, I have wicked premature ejaculation…Like sometimes 4-5 thrusts and I’m done. I’ve tried every advice/technique out there. On the flip side…I have never in my life been able to finish from a blowjob (And, I’ve gotten thousands of BJ’s from mostly females & a handful of males). I also have a hard time finishing from masturbating. Usually takes 20-30 minutes. Several times, I just couldn’t finish at all no matter how long I tried. I’ve had times (The past 24 hours) that I wanted that orgasm so bad, I just kept going. Then I end up with a bruised/swollen dick for days - And it is excruciatingly ***ful to *** because I’m so swollen, my urethra is closed. This issue causes disappointment for both me & whoever I’m messing around with. Any ideas or suggestions???

[Deleted Member]

Rhythm. That way you can delay. Bang...Bang...bang, bang, bang. Keep repeating. You are also of an age where you won't lose arousal, so thinking of (and it sounds silly but it does work) the weather does help too, especially where I am where the rain is cold.

[Deleted Member]

I too cannot orgasm from blowjobs and I'm well aware that some, men or women do not like cum in the mouth, but for those who do no matter how long they give it I cannot orgasm that way and as far as intercourse is concerned I'm a good 20 or 30 minutes before I orgasm. Yes it's disappointing when she wants the d**k longer, but the older we get, the harder it is to maintain that hardness during intercourse.

[Be****]

Shit I’m sorry to hear that, thats gotta be frustrating to say the least. I’ve experienced something similar. When I’m trying to get off and I’m on a timeline or feel rushed, I usually can’t finish no matter how much I want to. I think a lot of it depends on mental factors and how relaxed you are. Maybe research a sexual therapist or try to get a blowjob from a random hook up? Uou might just be too in your head about cumming in someone’s mouth that you actually like/respect and can’t let go of that thought, resulting in not cumming for their benefit . Best of luck and I hope you figure it out!

[sa****]

the good:
Sounds like physically everything seems to be working. (You can get stimulated, and it does not happen all the time that you come too soon)
The bad: so i would think that the problem lies elsewhere, most likely in your relationship(s), or in your head. Not in technique.
The ugly: i suspect that - wether the issue can be resolved or not, which is not the point, but rather to overcome the distress on your and others side - it will take time, courage and talking (with partner(s) or psychologists).

[NickFromCenla]

Do you take any SSRIs? With the penetrative sex and premature ej, were those with use of condom? Are you circumcised? Do you wake up with morning erections.? Odd question but do you have a fucking hell of a time ***ing in a public bathroom if others are near you?

[Th****]

2 hours ago, saarbrcken748 said:

the good:
Sounds like physically everything seems to be working. (You can get stimulated, and it does not happen all the time that you come too soon)
The bad: so i would think that the problem lies elsewhere, most likely in your relationship(s), or in your head. Not in technique.
The ugly: i suspect that - wether the issue can be resolved or not, which is not the point, but rather to overcome the distress on your and others side - it will take time, courage and talking (with partner(s) or psychologists).

This. It sounds like it's likely at least part psychosomatic. Sex therapists are a thing, I have a friend who is one, this is in their wheelhouse. 

As someone else mentioned, SSRI/SNRIs can impact things, also being ADHD. 

[Ea****]

Ha…I actually have been taking SSRI’s & Antipsychotics, Antidepressants, Anxiolytics, & Stimulants for the past 20 years! Severe PTSD & a few other disorders. However this issue when masturbating just started this last year. I used to be able to walk in the bathroom, run one out & be out so fast people just thought I took a leak! I also was diagnosed with Low-T (for me it was actually Zero-T) about 2 years ago. I have been taking injections of 750mg of Testosterone weekly since then. I really need to see a Urologist. Even on that high a dose of Test, I still have ED - It takes 20mg of Cialis just to get it semi ready!

Also…I am cut, I can’t remember the last time Morning Woody was awake before me & I have no problem using any bathroom at all!

[K_****]

This is gonna sound crazy, but just lay in the pussy for awhile. You need to allow your penis time to adjust to the environment. Give one or maybe two strokes and stop, even think of dumb awkward stuff if your close to ejaculation. Repeat this for awhile. Might annoy your partner a bit, but they will be fine when you're slapping cheeks for two hours straight .
Doing this one time is not a fix, this is an exercise that will help you build a tolerance over time. But you will notice a change very quickly. Hope it helps ✌️

[Ju****]

Have you tried anal? Maybe prostate massage?

[Th****]

On 6/8/2025 at 1:36 AM, EagerToTry said:

Ha…I actually have been taking SSRI’s & Antipsychotics, Antidepressants, Anxiolytics, & Stimulants for the past 20 years! Severe PTSD & a few other disorders. However this issue when masturbating just started this last year. I used to be able to walk in the bathroom, run one out & be out so fast people just thought I took a leak! I also was diagnosed with Low-T (for me it was actually Zero-T) about 2 years ago. I have been taking injections of 750mg of Testosterone weekly since then. I really need to see a Urologist. Even on that high a dose of Test, I still have ED - It takes 20mg of Cialis just to get it semi ready!

Also…I am cut, I can’t remember the last time Morning Woody was awake before me & I have no problem using any bathroom at all!

This is all kind of important information and should have been included in the OP. The answer is talk to doctors and therapists and it's probably not going to have a quick solution. 

[Deleted Member]

I agree with ThaliaV, but my question to you is, can you keep going after ejaculation? If so, is it immediately, or do you have to wait to "reset"? The reason I ask is, if you have to wait to reset, you aren't doing yourself any favors. In addition to what ThaliaV suggested, my opinion is that you should power through the ejaculation and continue into a slightly desensitized erection. At first it's a ***, because it can feel uncomfortable and it's sometimes hard to maintain erection fully, but it's a question of conditioning. The more you do it the more you last, also the easier it is the next time around. The issue with this method is that you must remain very sexually active, because if you ever decide to practice abstinence, your first go around will be again a quick one, once you decide to be active. However, you don't have to start from square one, almost indefinitely.

[Deleted Member]

Soon, you'll be making them tap out before your first load.

[Deleted Member]

Well not all of them, some people are literally insatiable and a hell of time 😂

[Deleted Member]

I'd love to wear a woman out too, lol

[staffordeleanor0]

4 hours ago, alvarado427224 said:

I'd love to wear a woman out too, lol

Really

[Pr****]

I’ve also always dealt with something similar. I’m only able to cum from oral/head but I’d have to masturbate for 30minutes max and I have never came from any for of penatration sex vaginal or anally. And even when I do cum from head it takes 10-20 minutes still and most ppl that do go down on me will only do it for hardly five minutes so I end up never cumming or feeling bad and just faking a orgasm. I hate doing it but I don’t want to be awkward so I’ve just settled with just being there for the experience

[Th****]

16 hours ago, PrettyPrincessEve21 said:

I’ve also always dealt with something similar. I’m only able to cum from oral/head but I’d have to masturbate for 30minutes max and I have never came from any for of penatration sex vaginal or anally. And even when I do cum from head it takes 10-20 minutes still and most ppl that do go down on me will only do it for hardly five minutes so I end up never cumming or feeling bad and just faking a orgasm. I hate doing it but I don’t want to be awkward so I’ve just settled with just being there for the experience

Oh darling, all of that is super normal, like super normal and not uncommon at all. Maybe look into some of the research and information out there on the topic? I understand why some women might fake orgasms when it comes to being concerned for their safety but if that's not the case I'd suggest reconsidering your position on that.