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Our Guide to BDSM Chastity

We turn masturbation month on its head and aim our gaze at BDSM chastity. If you're new to chastity or want to explore more about orgasm denial, kinky author M. Christian gives you the lowdown on this powerful kink.

 

An ironic side to human sexuality is that, for some folks, being told to withhold their pleasure by demand can be extremely pleasurable. In short, welcome to the wonderful world of chastity: where orgasm denial is the name of the BDSM game. 

If you've not considered BDSM chastity before, the idea might be a tad confusing. How can being ordered not to come, be a turn on? While there are practically as many answers to this as there are chastity-players out there, for quite a few kinksters, the answer often boils down to two key attractions.
 

Taking and giving up control

The first, as you may have guessed from the subhead above, is that the allure of chastity lies in Domination or being Dominated, especially around something so primally sexual as masturbation and orgasm.  

For those taking control, it's about having the power to grant a submissive the ability to come, when they've been good or just when the Dominant feels like being generous. Meanwhile, the submissive enjoys relinquishing this: their sexuality being given totally over to their Master or Mistress.  Within this, it can even include the practice of edging: where a submissive is ordered to come close to orgasm but then hold themselves back from actually having one.  
 

When it comes, it really comes!

Chastity's common second draw is that by denying release, the submissive's sexuality can, for lack of a better way of saying it, get bottled up. Think of them as being a bottle of champagne: the more shook it gets, the more powerful the pop when the cork's finally set free.  

This eventual release, when permission is granted by a Dominant, of course, can be pleasurable for the submissive. The Master or Mistress, meanwhile, might find this more powerful orgasm when using their property for their sexual pleasure or, again, because they enjoy being in control.

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A female Carrara chastity belt. Image: BunHur via WikiMedia Commons.
 

BDSM chastity can take many forms

No matter your sexual equipment, there are all kinds of ways for a person to be in bondage chastity.  In our Beginner's Guide to Male Chastity, we covered quite a few options for how the penis-equipped can be restrained from orgasm or even, in the case of cages and the like, from touching their genitalia.

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For submissives with vaginas, a classic chastity belt is still an excellent option, even more so because BDSM equipment makers have significantly updated those Medieval *** devices to be much more comfortable to wear.

But hardware isn't the only way to deny a submissive an orgasm. In fact, there are all kinds of alternative forms chastity can take: many of them adding new approaches to this age-old fetish.
 

The power of command

So what do you do if bondage chastity (which is what the kink community sometimes call the hardware option), doesn't work for those involved for whatever reason?  For a large number of BDSM aficionados, the answer can lie in our first point of why chastity can be such a turn-on: that it's all about control.

When a submissive consensually relinquishes their ability to pleasure themselves to their Master or Mistress for a brief play session or even as a full-time slave, it can take the form of a binding agreement between the two. Sometimes even with various kinds of punishment, should it be broken.

Though it's not as physically substantive as, say, a chastity belt or a cock cage, this agreement can still be tremendously binding, rein***d by the Dominant and the submissive's responsibility and respect for one another.

Some have even taken some imaginative approaches to chastity, like making their submissives wear mittens during play or even hiding their favorite sex toy.  Other Dominants have also used things like employing little bells tied to a submissive's various body parts, their ringing a warning sign for them to stay in chastity.  

True, if the submissive happens to be a rebellious one, (which is a form of BDSM play in itself) or if they find it challenging to stay in bondage chastity, even when being Dominated, this can be tricky to pull off. But if kink play is anything, it's flexible. Through careful negotiation, strong and clear communication, as well as approaching this kind of play with a clear head, Dominant and submissive can probably work out a scene that works for well for them both.
 

Playing by not playing 

BDSM chastity isn't for everyone, with some finding its level of necessary self-control hard to (ahem) hold onto, and for others, being physically locked up is simply too uncomfortable to maintain. But maybe chastity is your cup of black leather tea: something you'll eagerly add to your sexual repertoire.  The thing is, you won't know until you try.  

Does chastity sound like fun or something that tickles your erotic fancy? If so, find a consenting partner, negotiate what form your chastity play is going take and then give the BDSM play that's all about finding the joy in not experiencing pleasure a shot. You might be pleasantly surprised!
 


M. Christian is a respected author and BDSM educator, having taught classes on everything from polyamory to tit *** for venues such as the SF Citadel, Good Vibrations, Beat Me In St. Louis and many others.
 

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Images: via  Shutterstock

 

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