Believe it or not, there's a simple way to develop control over how and when you orgasm, tremendously boost its power and be a great addition to your BDSM play. In the last of our masturbation month series, we explore edging and orgasm denial in BDSM power exchange dynamics.

 

Edging - understanding yourself

In practice, orgasm denial (or as it's sometimes referred to, edging) is straightforward. To start, all you need to do is pleasure yourself as you usually do, but as you proceed, focus on how your body is feeling as you approach orgasm.  

Then, as you get very close to coming, pull back from your self-stimulus and allow yourself to cool down a bit. Not to worry if you can't, and despite your best efforts, you still orgasm; as with a lot of other sexual techniques, edging takes a bit of time and practice to perfect.

After a while, you'll be able to do this "approach and retreat" from orgasm repeatedly—and be rewarded that when you do finally come, it will be considerably more intense than usual. Think of it like building up sexual pressure within yourself, so when you release it … pop goes your weasel!

Some people have even experienced multiple orgasms after a session of edging, which alone should be a good enough reason why you should at least try your hand at it.  But these are only a few benefits to developing this skill. In addition to magnified orgasms, you'll, more importantly, begin to gain more knowledge of how your body feels as you get close to coming.  

Then, with this know-how at your disposal, you'll be able to recognize it when playing with other people: making it easier and easier to control when you orgasm. And in the case of those who feel they may come too quickly, this knowledge can also help develop new personal techniques to stretch things out as never before.

man tied to bed in orgasm denial fantasy
Getting into orgasm denial fantasy.


BDSM orgasm denial

Edging is quite common among kinksters — and for an excellent and arousing reason: in a power exchange dynamic, it can be a remarkably effective way for a Dominant to have control over their submissives.

Orgasm denial is popular with Dominants for tonnes of delicious reasons. It can take a wide variety of forms and styles, but to give you a tasty example, begin by imagining a Dominant who has consent from their submissive to have total control over their submissive's ability to come. With this in place, the Dominant can then arouse them—with punishment on the line should the submissive orgasm without their permission.

The operative word here is consent. It's also critical that both (or more) parties understand what they're getting into as there's a fair amount of responsibility for another person's mental and physical health. All involved must feel comfortable at all times, and for any reason, to renegotiate the scene or even end it altogether.  

For some, the addition of a specially-designed piece of hardware can help, as in chastity devices for penis owners that prevent, or at least discourage, anything from preventing erections to completely blocking access to a person's genitals. 

Another familiar toy that can be excellent for orgasm denial or edging play is the tried and true cock ring. Its gentle constriction of the penis shaft restricts blood flow, making erections last longer while also making it more challenging to come.  

While one of the safest forms of sexual activity we can think of, that doesn't mean that orgasm denial is not without a few rare risks—mostly involving devices like chastity rigs and cock rings. While both can be amazing and a great help for all kinds of orgasm denial play, cock rings should never be worn for longer than approximately 20 minutes at a stretch to avoid damaging the penis.

Chastity devices are often designed to be worn for more extended periods. But until the submissive gets used to wearing one, their Dominant should allow them to remove it should they experience pain or discomfort. Therefore, please don't padlock anyone into one of these things and walk off with the key. Until that is, they get used to this kind of restraint.

If you want to go the chastity device route, avoid anything cheaply made, as one thing you don't want is a knock-off item potentially harming someone's genitals.
 

Having fun by not having fun

Aside from a fantastic tool to develop sexual self-knowledge and magnifying the eventual orgasm after practicing it for as long as you can stand it, edging's place as a cornerstone in the BDSM community shows its real power.

After all, there isn't any better way to concretely demonstrate a Dominant's power than assuming complete control over a submissive's orgasms. Equally as powerful in this is the submissive: in that they are consenting to submit their ability to experience sexual pleasure to someone else.


M. Christian is a respected author and senior columnist for Future Of Sex. In addition to writing, he is a respected sex and BDSM educator, having taught classes on everything from polyamory to tit torture for venues such as the SF Citadel, Good Vibrations, Beat Me In St. Louis and many others.

 

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Discover more about the orgasm denial experiences of other kinksters in the forum - and share yours!
 

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All images (unless otherwise stated): model released from Shutterstock.com

 

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Ch****

Posted

Nice post!

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Misslanahollypamela

Posted

Wow you have such a wonderful profile i so much love it, well I'm q Dominant Goddess Mistress Lana holly and seeking a loyal and a submissive sissy slut slave who is been ready to be owed and been as to make there sissy fantasy dreams come to pass.. inbox me if your'e ready to be owed and been used by me always

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Th****

Posted

8 hours ago, UrbaneEroticAmour said:

To play you like a master musician plays their instrument.

I have used exactly this same simile so many times. Well said.

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Posted

When chastity is combined with edging and orgasm denial, I think there's something magnificent about the state of constant arousal it creates. The feelings of heightened desire, passion and creativity that it fuels. When you submit to chastity, it's almost like you're letting someone hack your  brain, so they can take you to some wild primal state. A primal state that is centred around lustful, erotic and passionate thoughts that are all focused on the person in power and their (wonderfully selfish) sexual needs. In my mind, to really do it right, the Dominant must want to be desired. Not just desired, but truly and desperately ached for.


If you ask me, the most exciting chastity play isn't about taking something away from your partner (orgasms). Instead it's about building something. It's about using the power they've given you, to make them ache for you more than they've ever ached for anything in their life. For the one locked in chastity, it's about someone using all of their skills, creativity and power to drive you wild with yearning. To play you like a master musician plays their instrument. If they're doing it right, they never let you get there, instead they just keep channeling that desire, to serve their (hopefully) debauched and wonderfully selfish purposes. Then... without reprieve, they build it up all over again, only this time a little bit higher. When you get someone to that state, that is when you really have control over them. When they ache for you so desperately, they will do whatever you ask, maybe even before you ask for it.

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Th****

Posted

On 6/9/2021 at 11:07 AM, Seahorse_blacksea said:

For me, the purpose of any kinky play is the pleasure, the orgasmic pleasure. Why should I deny to my sub that?

I totally respect that point of view, and I can understand the logic behind it.

One thing I would like to highlight is that delaying the orgasm will not only delay it, it causes the pleasure to build and build. 

Granted, timing is essential but the orgasm itself is often far more powerful.

It can also bring the additional benefit that being the person that says "Cum now!" can be a most excellent start to developing the ability to cum on command. 

That is an entirely different kind of orgasm but it can lead to a whole myriad of play and certainly and awful lot of pleasure for your girl.

Though, as I said before we all have quite rightly have our own preferences. :pray::relieved:

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Posted

For me, the purpose of any kinky play is the pleasure, the orgasmic pleasure. Why should I deny to my sub that? By contrary, letting her having explosive uncontrollable orgasms (if she can have uncontrollable when is tied up 😜) will increase her assertion by wanting more and more from me, will depend more by my presence and actions.

Chastity devices are in different category from my point of view, aren't synonyms with orgasms denying. 

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Gr****

Posted

Heh. I've had limited, but wonderful, experience with this.

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Posted

One of the best ways in my opinion!

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kelley1958

Posted

I am denied alot and edging also of course punishment for cuming no permission

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SA****

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Definitely a one to try if you haven’t yet!

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Bo****

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One of my favourites

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Lo****

Posted

Love edging myself, and being edged, can't wait to find someone to edge me again 😰 Also love edging others, but sometimes I get similar pleasure from being nice just giving multiple orgasms 😅

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Posted

I absolutely find this kink an amazing concept.i recommend it to any Dom, since researching this and practicing diligently. All I can say is the results are of the scale. It does take time to master but worth it.

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NormalityIsNotNormal

Posted (edited)

Chastity play is amazing. I wrote about it recently myself. Often chastity can lead to a whole new world of fantasies. Cuckolding being one of them. When chastity play, edging with denial and cuckolding are combined, a very strong feeling of erotic ecstasy melts the mind.

Edited by NormalityIsNotNormal
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Wo****

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1 hour ago, jackstains said:

Orgasm denialnis difficult, it not just about stimulation to the point of orgasm (and beyond), its more about finding the "point of no return". For some women this point can change drastically, for others it's very predictable. Stopping the stimulation before this point will return good results. Beyond this point and the orgasm will happen. However, there is one way of gaining control again, inflict some pain. It doesn't work with all women and may enhance the orgasm for some, but on many it deviates the train of thought and stops the orgasm.

Orgasm denial is difficult? 

I disagree that it's about "finding the point of no return" for me, it's about being teased and brought close.

Why is it difficult anyway? Not if you pay attention, or ask.

Inflicting pain isn't a great idea unless it's been discussed and agreed. Including pain into edging takes it on a completely different path.

You also run the risk of it stopping play rather than enhancing it.

I'm not surprised it stops the orgasm, and unless you're playing with a masochist and/or It's fully consensual it's abuse.

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Posted

Orgasm denialnis difficult, it not just about stimulation to the point of orgasm (and beyond), its more about finding the "point of no return". For some women this point can change drastically, for others it's very predictable. Stopping the stimulation before this point will return good results. Beyond this point and the orgasm will happen. However, there is one way of gaining control again, inflict some pain. It doesn't work with all women and may enhance the orgasm for some, but on many it deviates the train of thought and stops the orgasm.

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Ornizoth

Posted

Interestingly, I finally used a cockring last night and came much faster than usual.

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Ornizoth

Posted

@Drsventy6 I hear you there, itnis very enjoyable to watch her repeatedly cum that I have trouble denying her. Also, we haven't had that kind of discussion so it makes it acceptable to not try this.

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Posted

I try so hard to make deny my sub orgasms, but I'm too soft. Although making her cum over and over again, is fun too

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qu****

Posted

It pays not to use the cheapest logroll to edge your borders with, it falls apart to quickly...

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