mad-potato72 Posted April 16 Posted April 16 I would prefer a video chat so both parties can verify each others identity and find get to know that person, find a comfort zone or what not. So yes I would absolutely do one.
TJ38S Posted April 16 Posted April 16 I wouldn't be opposed to the idea. I think it might actually make some things easier that way.
LadyV Posted April 16 Posted April 16 Apologies, this is going to be long but important. I'm a Dominant woman. I'm also married to my submissive. I'm the whole package of Topping skills. I took many classes over the years to learn how to do all the kinks I am interested in and practiced at home in my free time because I wanted to know those skills. I invested so much *** into gear, equipment, supplies, toys, and my own education. I have a bookshelf full of kink books (instructional and educational, not pointless erotica) because I want to know how to do this shit safely for real and not as a jerk off fantasy. I wear breathtaking (and expensive) lingerie and leather outfits not to serve the male gaze (fuck the dehumanizing male gaze) but because they help me get into the correct headspace I need to be in to perform for myself. Everything I have done, I did for myself. Over the years I've been in kink, I have endlessly heard submissive men whine about the shortage of Dominant women. Often this whining turns to misogynistic directions (ie "women must just naturally be subs!") because most cishet submissive men harbor enormous misogyny and have failed (due to *** ignorance or conscious intent) to address the misogyny in themselves. As a woman, listening to submissive men talk in their whiny and misogynistic ways is very repellent. Especially when submissive men always seem to be missing the most obvious point: The Dominant women you see are just the ones who survived. Stop for a fucking second and think, men. Really think. Follow me along and put yourself in my boots for a minute here: Begin at birth. Everything we do in the social conditioning of baby girls is meant to soften, pacify, and train docility. We give boys spacial awareness building toys, often mimicking real tools, that are highly intricate and interactive and help the brain better grasp the manipulation of objects and their environment. We give a girl a doll and tell her to love it, hold it, nurse it, and baby it quietly. While a boy is encouraged to take up space, be loud, run, fight, be physical, be vital, be messy, and lead others...a girl is told the exact opposite. Stop running. Don't get your clothes messy. Don't be bossy. Don't Don't Don't. She's being trained and conditioned at an age too early to know what's being done to her to automatically behave in a way that will set her up in the future to be a fucking slave because we live under a patriarchal society that wants that for her future. The world is brainwashing her before her brain is even fully developed. Fast forward to ***age years and we see that both sexes experience a downturn in self confidence as the biggest challenge of ***agers is the sense of belonging, friendships, conforming to friend groups, and developing a sense of identity...but ***age girls experience a much larger drop in self esteem than boys do. Every aspect of their entire body, mind, and emotions are actively scrutinized and under attack in a way boys just will not experience in the same way. Eating disorders skew female in ***agers. Mental health issues skew female. Experiences of sexual harassment and *** skew female. *** ideation and attempts skew female. This isn't a coincidence. This is by societal design. Girls and women are pumped full of messages saying, "you're not good enough as you are...so buy these products and look like this, act like this, talk like this, think like this, become this." And all of those messages about who and what she should be are entirely contradictory and impossible to achieve. "Be sexy but don't look or act too sexy. Don't be a prude but don't be a slut. Don't take up too much space but don't not show up! Be a girl boss but don't be mean or critical to anyone. Dress pretty but not too pretty, or you're going to alienate other women and attract ***. If you look too pretty, people won't think you're very smart or listen to you, if you don't look pretty at all no one will think you take care of yourself, if you are pretty and smart though no one will believe it or listen to you. Don't be too fat but don't be too thin either. Have curves but having curves means you never look professional and all your uniforms look inappropriate. Don't be distrusting of men, but if something bad happens to you, it must be your fault for not being cautious enough!" And girls and women are stuck doing this rabbit room dance their entire fucking vanilla lives. Ya know what a rabbit room is? It's a learned ***ness experiment where you stick a rabbit in a room and electrocute the floor. The rabbit jumps around from place to place frantically trying to figure out the safe spot to be on. The experimenters keep switching the safe spot until eventually they make it so there is no safe spot in the room. The rabbit figures out there is no safe spot this time and just stops jumping and ***ly waits for the *** to stop. And in future experiments when the safe spot comes back, the rabbit doesn't look for it anymore. It has learned ***ness. It just continues to sit and wait for the *** to stop. Our sexist society fucking does this to women all during our childhood and ***age years. Trains us on sexist mistreatment and then teaches us to just take it and see it as "normal" and "acceptable." And through the gauntlet of childhood and ***age years...a whole lot of potentially Dominant women are lost. Our sexist society successfully brainwashed and ***d that potential out of them. Gone. Now we get into adulthood. Vanilla dating for adult women is difficult and dangerous enough as is, but let's add kink into it. Ya know what happens first when a woman feels interested in kink? She has to combat a lifetime of often religious brainwashing telling her she's not supposed to have interests in sex at all, let alone kink. She needs to overcome the evil of purity culture and she has to do it alone cause no one is going to care, help, or even understand it cause it's normalized sexist shit training women to be asexual until our bodies are "owned" for the benefit of a man. Our sexuality doesn't belong to us. Right here, more potentially Dominant women are lost due to the abusive effects of misogynistic religious doctrine and purity culture on women. Starting to see a pattern? You're gonna see it happening everywhere once you start to see it. We need to teach ourselves to own it again and ya know what happens immediately after we do and fully identify as kinky? The world calls us sluts. Kinky women are all assumed to be sluts. The many vanilla fucboys seeking vanilla hook-up sex on fetish sites are evidence of that societal assumption. We see an immediate punishment for diverging from our societal training: increased sexual harassment and higher odds of sexual ***. Ask around amongst kinky women, you'll see a ton of them saw an increase in sexual harassment upon entering kink. Many women experienced sexual *** for the first time after entering the kink scene. Many women new to kink leave kink almost immediately after due to the rampant sexual harassment and ***. Right there in that little entryway moment, a whole ton of potential Dominant women are gone cause they literally got crushed away while they were still hatching. Now let's say she made it past the sexist training of childhood, overcame the religious asexual virgin=value brainwashing, claimed her sexuality, and learned to endure and survive the increased sexual harassment and high odds of sexual *** because she really wants to join the kink community and not only that...she might be interested in being a Dominant. Ya know what fucking comes next for her? Our entire kink community is going to start pushing her towards being a sub. I would know. It happened to me and almost all of the D-type women I've known. This "push" looks like this: - Everyone is going to assume she's a sub and treat her like one. - Every man is going to approach her like she should sub/bottom for him. - Every sub woman is going to try to set her up to be their new "sub ***" and try to get her to join their sub support group or bottom for their "Daddies." - If she seeks a mentor, she'll find mostly only Dominant men offering to "mentor" and every last one will "require her" to bottom for him while he "mentors her." - Brand new to kink with no role yet and just trying to explore everything equally? Immediately picked up and locked into a long-term relationship with a Dom and all you're every getting to learn or explore is going to be subbing to him. On and fucking on. Our kink communities will do everything in their power to funnel her towards becoming a sub and away from dominance. Right there, more potential Dominant women are lost from the misogynistic sub-funneling effect kink communities do to newbie women that we're all so blind to. So she swims against the *** of this mighty pushing river and manages to make it to identifying as a Dominant and learning the skills she wants to know (despite the many "mentors" who tried to use "teaching" her as an opportunity to try to sexually exploit and *** her. Looking at you in particular, male rigger Tops that offer Top women "rigging mentorship"). Despite all these incredible odds, she's made it to being a Dominant woman! So what happens to her next? Oh right. The enormous misogyny of submissive men. Upon reaching the mountain top of bdsm dominance, exhausted with her hands and feet bleeding from the razor sharp climb, she's greeted by the average example of a submissive man. He looks at her and goes, "It is now time for you to serve me, woman. Wear this outfit I find sexy and follow this porn script I wrote based on MY favorite jerk off fantasies. Do these kinks of mine according to this grocery list of MY wants. No, I don't care about yours or if my kinks are in your hard limits list. No, I don't care if we're compatible. You're just a body. A female-shaped puppet to hold a flogger while I pull your strings and you dance to MY fantasy porn re-enactments. Serve me MY kinks on a silver platter. Do-me like I tell you to. Do-me NOW." And he's not just one man. He is thousands. Hundreds of thousands. All at once. All in her face and very loud and relentless. Never ending do-me-sub bottoms wanting the same exact misogynistic control over women as any vanilla or D-type man, just a different flavor of control over her. Same. Damn. Shit. At first, Dominant women resist this. They are shocked and confused by it and try to write it off as "just that guy." But no...we quickly learn that it is MOST submissive men. Most sub men are very misogynistic. That realization is fucking haunting and ***ful for a demographic of women who have spent their entire lives rebelling against what a sexist society wanted for them. To go through all that just to end up right back at the start with men who don't think of us as equal humans, just objects and toys yet again. When that realization fully sinks in to Dominant women...that most sub men are misogynistic and want to make us serve them...what you typically see next is Dominant women go undercover. Low profile. Hide their kinks. Hide their roles. Hide their gender. Hide the fact they are Dominants to try to get the legions of men to leave them alone. Or...it is at this point you see many Dominant women leave kink entirely because they've grown disgusted by it. Disgusted by kink and the sorts of subs available to them. Might as well return to the vanilla world as there's probably better odds there of finding a partner who isn't a misogynist. And right there you lose even more Dominant women due to the unrelenting bullshit of misogyny. The only Dominant women left are the ones who survived. So when all you sub dudes are sitting around whining about the shortage and your own "hopelessness." Maybe stop the self-pity long enough to ask yourself what you are doing to help change the world to make it easier for Dominant women to come into existence in the first place. What are doing to end systemic sexism and the misogyny of men? No? Nothing? Just waiting around for women to do all the work surviving that fucking death trap and seeing which Dominant women come out the other side of it for you to all immediately swarm just as she emerges ***y? If that is all you are doing to help the problems and obstacles women are facing as they approach dominance, then you only have yourselves to blame for the shortage of Dominant women that you feel.
photoiowa Posted April 16 Posted April 16 I have in the past requested video chats before meeting or discussing things. Just normal talk and all nothing more.
mad-potato72 Posted April 16 Posted April 16 Geez I hope I didn't offend someone I guess I just keep my comment to myself, everyone hates me in here. Excuse me for living.
Th**** Posted April 16 Posted April 16 (edited) 3 minutes ago, mad-potato72 said: Geez I hope I didn't offend someone I guess I just keep my comment to myself, everyone hates me in here. Excuse me for living. Not everything is about *you* so stop trying to make it be about you. If someone is talking to or about you they'll respond to you directly as I have here with this comment. Or they'll tag you like this : @mad-potato72 Sometimes the best choice is to listen and say nothing. Edited April 16 by ThaliaV
Th**** Posted April 16 Posted April 16 (edited) 59 minutes ago, LadyV said: Apologies, this is going to be long but important. I'm a Dominant woman. I'm also married to my submissive. I'm the whole package of Topping skills. I took many classes over the years to learn how to do all the kinks I am interested in and practiced at home in my free time because I wanted to know those skills. I invested so much *** into gear, equipment, supplies, toys, and my own education. I have a bookshelf full of kink books (instructional and educational, not pointless erotica) because I want to know how to do this shit safely for real and not as a jerk off fantasy. I wear breathtaking (and expensive) lingerie and leather outfits not to serve the male gaze (fuck the dehumanizing male gaze) but because they help me get into the correct headspace I need to be in to perform for myself. Everything I have done, I did for myself. Over the years I've been in kink, I have endlessly heard submissive men whine about the shortage of Dominant women. Often this whining turns to misogynistic directions (ie "women must just naturally be subs!") because most cishet submissive men harbor enormous misogyny and have failed (due to *** ignorance or conscious intent) to address the misogyny in themselves. As a woman, listening to submissive men talk in their whiny and misogynistic ways is very repellent. Especially when submissive men always seem to be missing the most obvious point: The Dominant women you see are just the ones who survived. Stop for a fucking second and think, men. Really think. Follow me along and put yourself in my boots for a minute here: Begin at birth. Everything we do in the social conditioning of baby girls is meant to soften, pacify, and train docility. We give boys spacial awareness building toys, often mimicking real tools, that are highly intricate and interactive and help the brain better grasp the manipulation of objects and their environment. We give a girl a doll and tell her to love it, hold it, nurse it, and baby it quietly. While a boy is encouraged to take up space, be loud, run, fight, be physical, be vital, be messy, and lead others...a girl is told the exact opposite. Stop running. Don't get your clothes messy. Don't be bossy. Don't Don't Don't. She's being trained and conditioned at an age too early to know what's being done to her to automatically behave in a way that will set her up in the future to be a fucking slave because we live under a patriarchal society that wants that for her future. The world is brainwashing her before her brain is even fully developed. Fast forward to ***age years and we see that both sexes experience a downturn in self confidence as the biggest challenge of ***agers is the sense of belonging, friendships, conforming to friend groups, and developing a sense of identity...but ***age girls experience a much larger drop in self esteem than boys do. Every aspect of their entire body, mind, and emotions are actively scrutinized and under attack in a way boys just will not experience in the same way. Eating disorders skew female in ***agers. Mental health issues skew female. Experiences of sexual harassment and *** skew female. *** ideation and attempts skew female. This isn't a coincidence. This is by societal design. Girls and women are pumped full of messages saying, "you're not good enough as you are...so buy these products and look like this, act like this, talk like this, think like this, become this." And all of those messages about who and what she should be are entirely contradictory and impossible to achieve. "Be sexy but don't look or act too sexy. Don't be a prude but don't be a slut. Don't take up too much space but don't not show up! Be a girl boss but don't be mean or critical to anyone. Dress pretty but not too pretty, or you're going to alienate other women and attract ***. If you look too pretty, people won't think you're very smart or listen to you, if you don't look pretty at all no one will think you take care of yourself, if you are pretty and smart though no one will believe it or listen to you. Don't be too fat but don't be too thin either. Have curves but having curves means you never look professional and all your uniforms look inappropriate. Don't be distrusting of men, but if something bad happens to you, it must be your fault for not being cautious enough!" And girls and women are stuck doing this rabbit room dance their entire fucking vanilla lives. Ya know what a rabbit room is? It's a learned ***ness experiment where you stick a rabbit in a room and electrocute the floor. The rabbit jumps around from place to place frantically trying to figure out the safe spot to be on. The experimenters keep switching the safe spot until eventually they make it so there is no safe spot in the room. The rabbit figures out there is no safe spot this time and just stops jumping and ***ly waits for the *** to stop. And in future experiments when the safe spot comes back, the rabbit doesn't look for it anymore. It has learned ***ness. It just continues to sit and wait for the *** to stop. Our sexist society fucking does this to women all during our childhood and ***age years. Trains us on sexist mistreatment and then teaches us to just take it and see it as "normal" and "acceptable." And through the gauntlet of childhood and ***age years...a whole lot of potentially Dominant women are lost. Our sexist society successfully brainwashed and ***d that potential out of them. Gone. Now we get into adulthood. Vanilla dating for adult women is difficult and dangerous enough as is, but let's add kink into it. Ya know what happens first when a woman feels interested in kink? She has to combat a lifetime of often religious brainwashing telling her she's not supposed to have interests in sex at all, let alone kink. She needs to overcome the evil of purity culture and she has to do it alone cause no one is going to care, help, or even understand it cause it's normalized sexist shit training women to be asexual until our bodies are "owned" for the benefit of a man. Our sexuality doesn't belong to us. Right here, more potentially Dominant women are lost due to the abusive effects of misogynistic religious doctrine and purity culture on women. Starting to see a pattern? You're gonna see it happening everywhere once you start to see it. We need to teach ourselves to own it again and ya know what happens immediately after we do and fully identify as kinky? The world calls us sluts. Kinky women are all assumed to be sluts. The many vanilla fucboys seeking vanilla hook-up sex on fetish sites are evidence of that societal assumption. We see an immediate punishment for diverging from our societal training: increased sexual harassment and higher odds of sexual ***. Ask around amongst kinky women, you'll see a ton of them saw an increase in sexual harassment upon entering kink. Many women experienced sexual *** for the first time after entering the kink scene. Many women new to kink leave kink almost immediately after due to the rampant sexual harassment and ***. Right there in that little entryway moment, a whole ton of potential Dominant women are gone cause they literally got crushed away while they were still hatching. Now let's say she made it past the sexist training of childhood, overcame the religious asexual virgin=value brainwashing, claimed her sexuality, and learned to endure and survive the increased sexual harassment and high odds of sexual *** because she really wants to join the kink community and not only that...she might be interested in being a Dominant. Ya know what fucking comes next for her? Our entire kink community is going to start pushing her towards being a sub. I would know. It happened to me and almost all of the D-type women I've known. This "push" looks like this: - Everyone is going to assume she's a sub and treat her like one. - Every man is going to approach her like she should sub/bottom for him. - Every sub woman is going to try to set her up to be their new "sub ***" and try to get her to join their sub support group or bottom for their "Daddies." - If she seeks a mentor, she'll find mostly only Dominant men offering to "mentor" and every last one will "require her" to bottom for him while he "mentors her." - Brand new to kink with no role yet and just trying to explore everything equally? Immediately picked up and locked into a long-term relationship with a Dom and all you're every getting to learn or explore is going to be subbing to him. On and fucking on. Our kink communities will do everything in their power to funnel her towards becoming a sub and away from dominance. Right there, more potential Dominant women are lost from the misogynistic sub-funneling effect kink communities do to newbie women that we're all so blind to. So she swims against the *** of this mighty pushing river and manages to make it to identifying as a Dominant and learning the skills she wants to know (despite the many "mentors" who tried to use "teaching" her as an opportunity to try to sexually exploit and *** her. Looking at you in particular, male rigger Tops that offer Top women "rigging mentorship"). Despite all these incredible odds, she's made it to being a Dominant woman! So what happens to her next? Oh right. The enormous misogyny of submissive men. Upon reaching the mountain top of bdsm dominance, exhausted with her hands and feet bleeding from the razor sharp climb, she's greeted by the average example of a submissive man. He looks at her and goes, "It is now time for you to serve me, woman. Wear this outfit I find sexy and follow this porn script I wrote based on MY favorite jerk off fantasies. Do these kinks of mine according to this grocery list of MY wants. No, I don't care about yours or if my kinks are in your hard limits list. No, I don't care if we're compatible. You're just a body. A female-shaped puppet to hold a flogger while I pull your strings and you dance to MY fantasy porn re-enactments. Serve me MY kinks on a silver platter. Do-me like I tell you to. Do-me NOW." And he's not just one man. He is thousands. Hundreds of thousands. All at once. All in her face and very loud and relentless. Never ending do-me-sub bottoms wanting the same exact misogynistic control over women as any vanilla or D-type man, just a different flavor of control over her. Same. Damn. Shit. At first, Dominant women resist this. They are shocked and confused by it and try to write it off as "just that guy." But no...we quickly learn that it is MOST submissive men. Most sub men are very misogynistic. That realization is fucking haunting and ***ful for a demographic of women who have spent their entire lives rebelling against what a sexist society wanted for them. To go through all that just to end up right back at the start with men who don't think of us as equal humans, just objects and toys yet again. When that realization fully sinks in to Dominant women...that most sub men are misogynistic and want to make us serve them...what you typically see next is Dominant women go undercover. Low profile. Hide their kinks. Hide their roles. Hide their gender. Hide the fact they are Dominants to try to get the legions of men to leave them alone. Or...it is at this point you see many Dominant women leave kink entirely because they've grown disgusted by it. Disgusted by kink and the sorts of subs available to them. Might as well return to the vanilla world as there's probably better odds there of finding a partner who isn't a misogynist. And right there you lose even more Dominant women due to the unrelenting bullshit of misogyny. The only Dominant women left are the ones who survived. So when all you sub dudes are sitting around whining about the shortage and your own "hopelessness." Maybe stop the self-pity long enough to ask yourself what you are doing to help change the world to make it easier for Dominant women to come into existence in the first place. What are doing to end systemic sexism and the misogyny of men? No? Nothing? Just waiting around for women to do all the work surviving that fucking death trap and seeing which Dominant women come out the other side of it for you to all immediately swarm just as she emerges ***y? If that is all you are doing to help the problems and obstacles women are facing as they approach dominance, then you only have yourselves to blame for the shortage of Dominant women that you feel. **standing ovation gif** I 💜 you. This should be it's own OP and a writing in the other place. Anyone who didn't read because it's "too long" please please take the time to read it. Edited April 16 by ThaliaV
ey**** Posted April 16 Posted April 16 2 hours ago, TheZenCommander said: how would you respond if you were required to video chat and meet in person before getting into lengthy texting conversations? it doesn't bother me and gives us both peace of mind it can also be helpful as it gets a lot of intros and chatter out the way which would otherwise eventually cut into play time
ey**** Posted April 16 Posted April 16 On 4/6/2024 at 3:46 PM, mad-potato72 said: Ive been to foot parties in Detroit area but not to many ladies attend them I find foot parties are often strange in the sense it is often very difficult to get the vibe right some in the UK, well, there are common ones where to one degree or another the women are paid to be there. But, will indulge in play. But in itself, a difficult place to find a partner. there's been a couple which have tried to be more community focused but struggle with numbers because there's this cycle of paradox - a lot of women will go if they have someone they are going with and may, or may not, be open to play with others in the right circumstances. Solo women are more sparse because they feel they are or are worried about being a target for solo or thirst men. then the guys who would be going alone split into those who are going and hoping for the best, and those who don't go because they feel there'll be loads of men and they won't get play and so on Unsurprisingly, the guys who bring any form of lotion or foot kit tend to have more icebreakers and have more play than those who just float around. Fittingly, some which seem to work do so with lower numbers because everyone who does go has the right attitude and that allows for growth. But certainly, I would see a foot party as somewhere for potential play - but not a potential partner.
ey**** Posted April 16 Posted April 16 3 hours ago, LadyV said: Apologies, this is going to be long but important. I'm a Dominant woman. I'm also married to my submissive. I'm the whole package of Topping skills. I took many classes over the years to learn how to do all the kinks I am interested in and practiced at home in my free time because I wanted to know those skills. I invested so much *** into gear, equipment, supplies, toys, and my own education. I have a bookshelf full of kink books (instructional and educational, not pointless erotica) because I want to know how to do this shit safely for real and not as a jerk off fantasy. I wear breathtaking (and expensive) lingerie and leather outfits not to serve the male gaze (fuck the dehumanizing male gaze) but because they help me get into the correct headspace I need to be in to perform for myself. Everything I have done, I did for myself. Over the years I've been in kink, I have endlessly heard submissive men whine about the shortage of Dominant women. Often this whining turns to misogynistic directions (ie "women must just naturally be subs!") because most cishet submissive men harbor enormous misogyny and have failed (due to *** ignorance or conscious intent) to address the misogyny in themselves. As a woman, listening to submissive men talk in their whiny and misogynistic ways is very repellent. Especially when submissive men always seem to be missing the most obvious point: The Dominant women you see are just the ones who survived. Stop for a fucking second and think, men. Really think. Follow me along and put yourself in my boots for a minute here: Begin at birth. Everything we do in the social conditioning of baby girls is meant to soften, pacify, and train docility. We give boys spacial awareness building toys, often mimicking real tools, that are highly intricate and interactive and help the brain better grasp the manipulation of objects and their environment. We give a girl a doll and tell her to love it, hold it, nurse it, and baby it quietly. While a boy is encouraged to take up space, be loud, run, fight, be physical, be vital, be messy, and lead others...a girl is told the exact opposite. Stop running. Don't get your clothes messy. Don't be bossy. Don't Don't Don't. She's being trained and conditioned at an age too early to know what's being done to her to automatically behave in a way that will set her up in the future to be a fucking slave because we live under a patriarchal society that wants that for her future. The world is brainwashing her before her brain is even fully developed. Fast forward to ***age years and we see that both sexes experience a downturn in self confidence as the biggest challenge of ***agers is the sense of belonging, friendships, conforming to friend groups, and developing a sense of identity...but ***age girls experience a much larger drop in self esteem than boys do. Every aspect of their entire body, mind, and emotions are actively scrutinized and under attack in a way boys just will not experience in the same way. Eating disorders skew female in ***agers. Mental health issues skew female. Experiences of sexual harassment and *** skew female. *** ideation and attempts skew female. This isn't a coincidence. This is by societal design. Girls and women are pumped full of messages saying, "you're not good enough as you are...so buy these products and look like this, act like this, talk like this, think like this, become this." And all of those messages about who and what she should be are entirely contradictory and impossible to achieve. "Be sexy but don't look or act too sexy. Don't be a prude but don't be a slut. Don't take up too much space but don't not show up! Be a girl boss but don't be mean or critical to anyone. Dress pretty but not too pretty, or you're going to alienate other women and attract ***. If you look too pretty, people won't think you're very smart or listen to you, if you don't look pretty at all no one will think you take care of yourself, if you are pretty and smart though no one will believe it or listen to you. Don't be too fat but don't be too thin either. Have curves but having curves means you never look professional and all your uniforms look inappropriate. Don't be distrusting of men, but if something bad happens to you, it must be your fault for not being cautious enough!" And girls and women are stuck doing this rabbit room dance their entire fucking vanilla lives. Ya know what a rabbit room is? It's a learned ***ness experiment where you stick a rabbit in a room and electrocute the floor. The rabbit jumps around from place to place frantically trying to figure out the safe spot to be on. The experimenters keep switching the safe spot until eventually they make it so there is no safe spot in the room. The rabbit figures out there is no safe spot this time and just stops jumping and ***ly waits for the *** to stop. And in future experiments when the safe spot comes back, the rabbit doesn't look for it anymore. It has learned ***ness. It just continues to sit and wait for the *** to stop. Our sexist society fucking does this to women all during our childhood and ***age years. Trains us on sexist mistreatment and then teaches us to just take it and see it as "normal" and "acceptable." And through the gauntlet of childhood and ***age years...a whole lot of potentially Dominant women are lost. Our sexist society successfully brainwashed and ***d that potential out of them. Gone. Now we get into adulthood. Vanilla dating for adult women is difficult and dangerous enough as is, but let's add kink into it. Ya know what happens first when a woman feels interested in kink? She has to combat a lifetime of often religious brainwashing telling her she's not supposed to have interests in sex at all, let alone kink. She needs to overcome the evil of purity culture and she has to do it alone cause no one is going to care, help, or even understand it cause it's normalized sexist shit training women to be asexual until our bodies are "owned" for the benefit of a man. Our sexuality doesn't belong to us. Right here, more potentially Dominant women are lost due to the abusive effects of misogynistic religious doctrine and purity culture on women. Starting to see a pattern? You're gonna see it happening everywhere once you start to see it. We need to teach ourselves to own it again and ya know what happens immediately after we do and fully identify as kinky? The world calls us sluts. Kinky women are all assumed to be sluts. The many vanilla fucboys seeking vanilla hook-up sex on fetish sites are evidence of that societal assumption. We see an immediate punishment for diverging from our societal training: increased sexual harassment and higher odds of sexual ***. Ask around amongst kinky women, you'll see a ton of them saw an increase in sexual harassment upon entering kink. Many women experienced sexual *** for the first time after entering the kink scene. Many women new to kink leave kink almost immediately after due to the rampant sexual harassment and ***. Right there in that little entryway moment, a whole ton of potential Dominant women are gone cause they literally got crushed away while they were still hatching. Now let's say she made it past the sexist training of childhood, overcame the religious asexual virgin=value brainwashing, claimed her sexuality, and learned to endure and survive the increased sexual harassment and high odds of sexual *** because she really wants to join the kink community and not only that...she might be interested in being a Dominant. Ya know what fucking comes next for her? Our entire kink community is going to start pushing her towards being a sub. I would know. It happened to me and almost all of the D-type women I've known. This "push" looks like this: - Everyone is going to assume she's a sub and treat her like one. - Every man is going to approach her like she should sub/bottom for him. - Every sub woman is going to try to set her up to be their new "sub ***" and try to get her to join their sub support group or bottom for their "Daddies." - If she seeks a mentor, she'll find mostly only Dominant men offering to "mentor" and every last one will "require her" to bottom for him while he "mentors her." - Brand new to kink with no role yet and just trying to explore everything equally? Immediately picked up and locked into a long-term relationship with a Dom and all you're every getting to learn or explore is going to be subbing to him. On and fucking on. Our kink communities will do everything in their power to funnel her towards becoming a sub and away from dominance. Right there, more potential Dominant women are lost from the misogynistic sub-funneling effect kink communities do to newbie women that we're all so blind to. So she swims against the *** of this mighty pushing river and manages to make it to identifying as a Dominant and learning the skills she wants to know (despite the many "mentors" who tried to use "teaching" her as an opportunity to try to sexually exploit and *** her. Looking at you in particular, male rigger Tops that offer Top women "rigging mentorship"). Despite all these incredible odds, she's made it to being a Dominant woman! So what happens to her next? Oh right. The enormous misogyny of submissive men. Upon reaching the mountain top of bdsm dominance, exhausted with her hands and feet bleeding from the razor sharp climb, she's greeted by the average example of a submissive man. He looks at her and goes, "It is now time for you to serve me, woman. Wear this outfit I find sexy and follow this porn script I wrote based on MY favorite jerk off fantasies. Do these kinks of mine according to this grocery list of MY wants. No, I don't care about yours or if my kinks are in your hard limits list. No, I don't care if we're compatible. You're just a body. A female-shaped puppet to hold a flogger while I pull your strings and you dance to MY fantasy porn re-enactments. Serve me MY kinks on a silver platter. Do-me like I tell you to. Do-me NOW." And he's not just one man. He is thousands. Hundreds of thousands. All at once. All in her face and very loud and relentless. Never ending do-me-sub bottoms wanting the same exact misogynistic control over women as any vanilla or D-type man, just a different flavor of control over her. Same. Damn. Shit. At first, Dominant women resist this. They are shocked and confused by it and try to write it off as "just that guy." But no...we quickly learn that it is MOST submissive men. Most sub men are very misogynistic. That realization is fucking haunting and ***ful for a demographic of women who have spent their entire lives rebelling against what a sexist society wanted for them. To go through all that just to end up right back at the start with men who don't think of us as equal humans, just objects and toys yet again. When that realization fully sinks in to Dominant women...that most sub men are misogynistic and want to make us serve them...what you typically see next is Dominant women go undercover. Low profile. Hide their kinks. Hide their roles. Hide their gender. Hide the fact they are Dominants to try to get the legions of men to leave them alone. Or...it is at this point you see many Dominant women leave kink entirely because they've grown disgusted by it. Disgusted by kink and the sorts of subs available to them. Might as well return to the vanilla world as there's probably better odds there of finding a partner who isn't a misogynist. And right there you lose even more Dominant women due to the unrelenting bullshit of misogyny. The only Dominant women left are the ones who survived. So when all you sub dudes are sitting around whining about the shortage and your own "hopelessness." Maybe stop the self-pity long enough to ask yourself what you are doing to help change the world to make it easier for Dominant women to come into existence in the first place. What are doing to end systemic sexism and the misogyny of men? No? Nothing? Just waiting around for women to do all the work surviving that fucking death trap and seeing which Dominant women come out the other side of it for you to all immediately swarm just as she emerges ***y? If that is all you are doing to help the problems and obstacles women are facing as they approach dominance, then you only have yourselves to blame for the shortage of Dominant women that you feel. yep I understand totally I sometimes feel in summary there is a simple take of "more women would be into Femdom if folk could actually show how it benefited them"
mad-potato72 Posted April 16 Posted April 16 The other day I caught something I thought was directed to me and apologized for it. I'm in here learning how this works. Why would she post something like that right after me and off topic. If I did I would have got red flagged. I did read what she said I'm like what is that got to do with the topic? I'm shy as it is, I'm having hard time coming out. As for what she said, I get you ladies are indoctrinate to act a certain way and what not. I don't understand is you want to be treated with respect, but yet you go for the tall dark and handsome named brock. Then say oh he treats me like dirt and beats me. As for you ThailaV, you can save it, you just got this personal vendetta against me, you never like me in the first place.
LadyV Posted April 16 Posted April 16 9 minutes ago, mad-potato72 said: The other day I caught something I thought was directed to me and apologized for it. I'm in here learning how this works. Why would she post something like that right after me and off topic. If I did I would have got red flagged. I did read what she said I'm like what is that got to do with the topic? I'm shy as it is, I'm having hard time coming out. As for what she said, I get you ladies are indoctrinate to act a certain way and what not. I don't understand is you want to be treated with respect, but yet you go for the tall dark and handsome named brock. Then say oh he treats me like dirt and beats me. As for you ThailaV, you can save it, you just got this personal vendetta against me, you never like me in the first place. I'm just here to say my comment wasn't related to you at all, I never read anything else you wrote prior, I have no idea who you are, and your comment about "women want men who treat them blah blah blah" is literally misogynistic incel rhetoric.
Th**** Posted April 17 Posted April 17 4 hours ago, mad-potato72 said: The other day I caught something I thought was directed to me and apologized for it. I'm in here learning how this works. Why would she post something like that right after me and off topic. If I did I would have got red flagged. I did read what she said I'm like what is that got to do with the topic? I'm shy as it is, I'm having hard time coming out. As for what she said, I get you ladies are indoctrinate to act a certain way and what not. I don't understand is you want to be treated with respect, but yet you go for the tall dark and handsome named brock. Then say oh he treats me like dirt and beats me. As for you ThailaV, you can save it, you just got this personal vendetta against me, you never like me in the first place. I have no vendetta. I don't do such things, that would be unhealthy. I was explaining how things work or appear in the forums when directed at someone specific. When someone is responding to another person it's obvious because their comment will be quoted or their name tagged/mentioned. If something nit directed at you *feels* like it is, then it's on you to sit with it and unpack it.
mad-potato72 Posted April 17 Posted April 17 I had no idea was such a burden to being a Dom sorry you or her feel that way. I wish you all to be happy. Take care
ey**** Posted April 17 Posted April 17 8 hours ago, mad-potato72 said: Why would she post something like that right after me forum conversations are not linear - and so people can be saying their piece generally rather than specifically. if you are quoted it is a reply to you, or if something specifically references something you've said - then it may or may not be. Though sometimes it's a bit of an "if the shoe fits" 8 hours ago, mad-potato72 said: I did read what she said I'm like what is that got to do with the topic? I think it would be good as a topic on it's own. But, if you can understand the problems women have, you can understand some of the problems men have. I would state as a matter-of-fact that there are not a shortage of Dominant women, or women who would enjoy being in any form of a Dominant role. But that as LadyV states, a lot aren't visible for many reasons. And generally when men roll in about their fetishes, what they want to do, so on - then it is less about the lady being able to be the Dominant it's claimed is sought and more about the subs fantasies. That if it's more about 'play time' and less about what can be offered as part of a wider relationship, then the focus is more about play than overall compatibility. The reason it becomes so hard for men is that they frequently make things about them, rather than what can be offered. And then you get the guys who do the opposite "I'll do anything" as if being laboured for responses is in anyway desirable. I mean we're talking about guys who in a vanilla relationship would try to skirt out of doing 50% of the housework (picking the easier tasks isn't helping either) or if they earned 30k and had a partner earning 20k they should still go 50/50 on all the bills - so on so forth. 45 minutes ago, mad-potato72 said: I had no idea was such a burden to being a Dom it's the behaviour of some men that make it feel like a burden. Because if there's no benefit to being a Domme then why bother?
AheadCircle Posted April 17 Posted April 17 @LadyV Reading your post left me going back to conversations I've had with myself many times in the past. During my life, I never thought to pursue what I would enjoy in a relationship (or relationships at all for that matter) because I always imagine that for it to work, both parties have to equally enjoy what's happening. And I figured that no woman would actually enjoy doing what you were describing towards the end of your post, or at the very least wouldn't I wouldn't find someone with who had a very complementary interest to mine. Over time I figured I should compromise and try new things maybe, but it leads me to a question for those with experience. What do you look for in a partner. What does it mean to you in a relationship if someone is submissive to you? I have no experience in the matter obviously but from what I've thought about it'd be a mostly normal looking respectful relationship but with some more commanding aspects from one side during certain times. Am I wrong in this assumption? To cap this off, day to day I behave pretty intensely. I like making jokes and poking fun at my friends and coworkers, shit-talking basically. I imagine if I went on a date with someone I'd have a decently commanding presence unless the date also really liked to shit-talk (which would be fun). However I can't imagine being commanding sexually, every time I try it just doesn't work for me, I don't like the thought. I was curious if this duality was a good or a bad thing for subs to have or not, are there people who like that or do dominant-oriented women tend to prefer people who are more meek and even during the regular day to day just take it without too much fuss? Sorry for asking so many questions, and thank you for any replies. I appreciate the time.
mad-potato72 Posted April 17 Posted April 17 I always agree that both parties need to be happy together whatever life brings. It's not just what I want. I want her to enjoy as well, if she isn't happy then I'm not happy, when it comes to exploring the bdsm lifestyle. I thought I put that in my profile.
te**** Posted April 17 Posted April 17 Yesterday at 12:21 AM, LadyV said: Apologies, this is going to be long but important. I'm a Dominant woman. I'm also married to my submissive. I'm the whole package of Topping skills. I took many classes over the years to learn how to do all the kinks I am interested in and practiced at home in my free time because I wanted to know those skills. I invested so much *** into gear, equipment, supplies, toys, and my own education. I have a bookshelf full of kink books (instructional and educational, not pointless erotica) because I want to know how to do this shit safely for real and not as a jerk off fantasy. I wear breathtaking (and expensive) lingerie and leather outfits not to serve the male gaze (fuck the dehumanizing male gaze) but because they help me get into the correct headspace I need to be in to perform for myself. Everything I have done, I did for myself. Over the years I've been in kink, I have endlessly heard submissive men whine about the shortage of Dominant women. Often this whining turns to misogynistic directions (ie "women must just naturally be subs!") because most cishet submissive men harbor enormous misogyny and have failed (due to *** ignorance or conscious intent) to address the misogyny in themselves. As a woman, listening to submissive men talk in their whiny and misogynistic ways is very repellent. Especially when submissive men always seem to be missing the most obvious point: The Dominant women you see are just the ones who survived. Stop for a fucking second and think, men. Really think. Follow me along and put yourself in my boots for a minute here: Begin at birth. Everything we do in the social conditioning of baby girls is meant to soften, pacify, and train docility. We give boys spacial awareness building toys, often mimicking real tools, that are highly intricate and interactive and help the brain better grasp the manipulation of objects and their environment. We give a girl a doll and tell her to love it, hold it, nurse it, and baby it quietly. While a boy is encouraged to take up space, be loud, run, fight, be physical, be vital, be messy, and lead others...a girl is told the exact opposite. Stop running. Don't get your clothes messy. Don't be bossy. Don't Don't Don't. She's being trained and conditioned at an age too early to know what's being done to her to automatically behave in a way that will set her up in the future to be a fucking slave because we live under a patriarchal society that wants that for her future. The world is brainwashing her before her brain is even fully developed. Fast forward to ***age years and we see that both sexes experience a downturn in self confidence as the biggest challenge of ***agers is the sense of belonging, friendships, conforming to friend groups, and developing a sense of identity...but ***age girls experience a much larger drop in self esteem than boys do. Every aspect of their entire body, mind, and emotions are actively scrutinized and under attack in a way boys just will not experience in the same way. Eating disorders skew female in ***agers. Mental health issues skew female. Experiences of sexual harassment and *** skew female. *** ideation and attempts skew female. This isn't a coincidence. This is by societal design. Girls and women are pumped full of messages saying, "you're not good enough as you are...so buy these products and look like this, act like this, talk like this, think like this, become this." And all of those messages about who and what she should be are entirely contradictory and impossible to achieve. "Be sexy but don't look or act too sexy. Don't be a prude but don't be a slut. Don't take up too much space but don't not show up! Be a girl boss but don't be mean or critical to anyone. Dress pretty but not too pretty, or you're going to alienate other women and attract ***. If you look too pretty, people won't think you're very smart or listen to you, if you don't look pretty at all no one will think you take care of yourself, if you are pretty and smart though no one will believe it or listen to you. Don't be too fat but don't be too thin either. Have curves but having curves means you never look professional and all your uniforms look inappropriate. Don't be distrusting of men, but if something bad happens to you, it must be your fault for not being cautious enough!" And girls and women are stuck doing this rabbit room dance their entire fucking vanilla lives. Ya know what a rabbit room is? It's a learned ***ness experiment where you stick a rabbit in a room and electrocute the floor. The rabbit jumps around from place to place frantically trying to figure out the safe spot to be on. The experimenters keep switching the safe spot until eventually they make it so there is no safe spot in the room. The rabbit figures out there is no safe spot this time and just stops jumping and ***ly waits for the *** to stop. And in future experiments when the safe spot comes back, the rabbit doesn't look for it anymore. It has learned ***ness. It just continues to sit and wait for the *** to stop. Our sexist society fucking does this to women all during our childhood and ***age years. Trains us on sexist mistreatment and then teaches us to just take it and see it as "normal" and "acceptable." And through the gauntlet of childhood and ***age years...a whole lot of potentially Dominant women are lost. Our sexist society successfully brainwashed and ***d that potential out of them. Gone. Now we get into adulthood. Vanilla dating for adult women is difficult and dangerous enough as is, but let's add kink into it. Ya know what happens first when a woman feels interested in kink? She has to combat a lifetime of often religious brainwashing telling her she's not supposed to have interests in sex at all, let alone kink. She needs to overcome the evil of purity culture and she has to do it alone cause no one is going to care, help, or even understand it cause it's normalized sexist shit training women to be asexual until our bodies are "owned" for the benefit of a man. Our sexuality doesn't belong to us. Right here, more potentially Dominant women are lost due to the abusive effects of misogynistic religious doctrine and purity culture on women. Starting to see a pattern? You're gonna see it happening everywhere once you start to see it. We need to teach ourselves to own it again and ya know what happens immediately after we do and fully identify as kinky? The world calls us sluts. Kinky women are all assumed to be sluts. The many vanilla fucboys seeking vanilla hook-up sex on fetish sites are evidence of that societal assumption. We see an immediate punishment for diverging from our societal training: increased sexual harassment and higher odds of sexual ***. Ask around amongst kinky women, you'll see a ton of them saw an increase in sexual harassment upon entering kink. Many women experienced sexual *** for the first time after entering the kink scene. Many women new to kink leave kink almost immediately after due to the rampant sexual harassment and ***. Right there in that little entryway moment, a whole ton of potential Dominant women are gone cause they literally got crushed away while they were still hatching. Now let's say she made it past the sexist training of childhood, overcame the religious asexual virgin=value brainwashing, claimed her sexuality, and learned to endure and survive the increased sexual harassment and high odds of sexual *** because she really wants to join the kink community and not only that...she might be interested in being a Dominant. Ya know what fucking comes next for her? Our entire kink community is going to start pushing her towards being a sub. I would know. It happened to me and almost all of the D-type women I've known. This "push" looks like this: - Everyone is going to assume she's a sub and treat her like one. - Every man is going to approach her like she should sub/bottom for him. - Every sub woman is going to try to set her up to be their new "sub ***" and try to get her to join their sub support group or bottom for their "Daddies." - If she seeks a mentor, she'll find mostly only Dominant men offering to "mentor" and every last one will "require her" to bottom for him while he "mentors her." - Brand new to kink with no role yet and just trying to explore everything equally? Immediately picked up and locked into a long-term relationship with a Dom and all you're every getting to learn or explore is going to be subbing to him. On and fucking on. Our kink communities will do everything in their power to funnel her towards becoming a sub and away from dominance. Right there, more potential Dominant women are lost from the misogynistic sub-funneling effect kink communities do to newbie women that we're all so blind to. So she swims against the *** of this mighty pushing river and manages to make it to identifying as a Dominant and learning the skills she wants to know (despite the many "mentors" who tried to use "teaching" her as an opportunity to try to sexually exploit and *** her. Looking at you in particular, male rigger Tops that offer Top women "rigging mentorship"). Despite all these incredible odds, she's made it to being a Dominant woman! So what happens to her next? Oh right. The enormous misogyny of submissive men. Upon reaching the mountain top of bdsm dominance, exhausted with her hands and feet bleeding from the razor sharp climb, she's greeted by the average example of a submissive man. He looks at her and goes, "It is now time for you to serve me, woman. Wear this outfit I find sexy and follow this porn script I wrote based on MY favorite jerk off fantasies. Do these kinks of mine according to this grocery list of MY wants. No, I don't care about yours or if my kinks are in your hard limits list. No, I don't care if we're compatible. You're just a body. A female-shaped puppet to hold a flogger while I pull your strings and you dance to MY fantasy porn re-enactments. Serve me MY kinks on a silver platter. Do-me like I tell you to. Do-me NOW." And he's not just one man. He is thousands. Hundreds of thousands. All at once. All in her face and very loud and relentless. Never ending do-me-sub bottoms wanting the same exact misogynistic control over women as any vanilla or D-type man, just a different flavor of control over her. Same. Damn. Shit. At first, Dominant women resist this. They are shocked and confused by it and try to write it off as "just that guy." But no...we quickly learn that it is MOST submissive men. Most sub men are very misogynistic. That realization is fucking haunting and ***ful for a demographic of women who have spent their entire lives rebelling against what a sexist society wanted for them. To go through all that just to end up right back at the start with men who don't think of us as equal humans, just objects and toys yet again. When that realization fully sinks in to Dominant women...that most sub men are misogynistic and want to make us serve them...what you typically see next is Dominant women go undercover. Low profile. Hide their kinks. Hide their roles. Hide their gender. Hide the fact they are Dominants to try to get the legions of men to leave them alone. Or...it is at this point you see many Dominant women leave kink entirely because they've grown disgusted by it. Disgusted by kink and the sorts of subs available to them. Might as well return to the vanilla world as there's probably better odds there of finding a partner who isn't a misogynist. And right there you lose even more Dominant women due to the unrelenting bullshit of misogyny. The only Dominant women left are the ones who survived. So when all you sub dudes are sitting around whining about the shortage and your own "hopelessness." Maybe stop the self-pity long enough to ask yourself what you are doing to help change the world to make it easier for Dominant women to come into existence in the first place. What are doing to end systemic sexism and the misogyny of men? No? Nothing? Just waiting around for women to do all the work surviving that fucking death trap and seeing which Dominant women come out the other side of it for you to all immediately swarm just as she emerges ***y? If that is all you are doing to help the problems and obstacles women are facing as they approach dominance, then you only have yourselves to blame for the shortage of Dominant women that you feel. Thanks a lot for this! It really puts into perspective what most women have to go through while navigating the dating world generally, and especially the Dominant women in the kink community. It used to puzzle me why my girlfriend often thanks me and is grateful to me for how well I treat her—when I'm just being a decent, normal person—but now I kind of understand why.
Deleted Member Posted Wednesday at 11:02 PM Posted Wednesday at 11:02 PM I think this is an issue for both sides dominants and submissives because If is difficult to find a Domme for a submissive man, its the same for a Domme who wants a sub. Especially because each one have a different Type of personality, tastes and ideas about what they want in a D/s relationship. That's why i think that is really important an dialogue so both parts can find Someone whose fit ( at least !) so keep trying because is not Just you my Dear with this " problem" in your sentimental life. We all face It .
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