Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 33 minutes ago, Nopseudonymn said: I would say that vetting any individual met online is common and is, in fact, encouraged by security companies and sites where information between individuals can potentially be exchanged/shared. Asking to confirm identities before spending (or wasting) too much time is recommended. If you feel you are being misled, I would say a deeper dive would be in order. A few reverse image searches usually does the trick and no stalking is necessary. The amount of scammers I have sussed out that way is unbelievable. They certainly make it harder to connect with real people. Nothing beats a lengthy crisp, clear video chat with plenty of back and forth q & a. Not even AI is good enough to fake that (yet). For me, a dead giveaway is someone asking for *** (for any reason) and personal information. Also, a person that can't or won't do a video chat or at least a phone call raises red flags because they're either cheating, in prison or not who they claim to be. I know we're all leary of giving out phone numbers, but there are a few apps out there that keep that information private while allowing voice and video. It's tough to know when ensuring your safety encroaches on someone else's safety. Just be careful, be safe and do your due diligence. I would agree with most of this except I don't see many people here discussing vetting or knowing what all that should entail. From the interactions I've had it seems *VERY* few, men especially, really "get" how important it is. The parts I might slightly disagree on is time line.
CopperKnob Posted April 10 Posted April 10 42 minutes ago, Nopseudonymn said: I would say that vetting any individual met online is common and is, in fact, encouraged by security companies and sites where information between individuals can potentially be exchanged/shared. Asking to confirm identities before spending (or wasting) too much time is recommended. If you feel you are being misled, I would say a deeper dive would be in order. A few reverse image searches usually does the trick and no stalking is necessary. The amount of scammers I have sussed out that way is unbelievable. They certainly make it harder to connect with real people. Nothing beats a lengthy crisp, clear video chat with plenty of back and forth q & a. Not even AI is good enough to fake that (yet). For me, a dead giveaway is someone asking for *** (for any reason) and personal information. Also, a person that can't or won't do a video chat or at least a phone call raises red flags because they're either cheating, in prison or not who they claim to be. I know we're all leary of giving out phone numbers, but there are a few apps out there that keep that information private while allowing voice and video. It's tough to know when ensuring your safety encroaches on someone else's safety. Just be careful, be safe and do your due diligence. AI can be used to set up fake video chats, the tech is already there for it to be done. . Also, there are phones and gardens/gyms in prisons. It wouldn't take much for a prisoner to go sit by a bush and make a call at a predetermined time 🤣
CopperKnob Posted April 10 Posted April 10 OP. If you're saddened by the lack of physical contact, and its playing in your mind to the degree that you ask a bunch of strangers on the internet about it then i would suggest that it's a need for you to have it rather than a want. . With regards to safety, I see no issue in Google searching someone I'm vetting or reverse image search. Not everyone will agree. However, my safety is my priority/responsibility. If a meet goes pear-shaped, there will be a bunch of people shouting "personal responsibility" at me so...yeah I've certainly googled names and whilst I've not done it, I would consider reverse image search too if I felt something was up with the photos. You could tell someone you're doing it beforehand. . In relation to confusion, your OP states you have mutual trust and respect. A mere few hours later you suggest you're being misled..
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 (edited) 5 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: OP. If you're saddened by the lack of physical contact, and its playing in your mind to the degree that you ask a bunch of strangers on the internet about it then i would suggest that it's a need for you to have it rather than a want. . With regards to safety, I see no issue in Google searching someone I'm vetting or reverse image search. Not everyone will agree. However, my safety is my priority/responsibility. If a meet goes pear-shaped, there will be a bunch of people shouting "personal responsibility" at me so...yeah I've certainly googled names and whilst I've not done it, I would consider reverse image search too if I felt something was up with the photos. You could tell someone you're doing it beforehand. . In relation to confusion, your OP states you have mutual trust and respect. A mere few hours later you suggest you're being misled.. Yes I misspoke and edited it, I meant to say not mislead. And maybe you are right about the need part but I will surely try to see how a video call makes me feel before deciding something else. The chance of a meetup is also not impossible so its not like I am in a situation with no outs. Edited April 10 by wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 7 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: OP. If you're saddened by the lack of physical contact, and its playing in your mind to the degree that you ask a bunch of strangers on the internet about it then i would suggest that it's a need for you to have it rather than a want. . With regards to safety, I see no issue in Google searching someone I'm vetting or reverse image search. Not everyone will agree. However, my safety is my priority/responsibility. If a meet goes pear-shaped, there will be a bunch of people shouting "personal responsibility" at me so...yeah I've certainly googled names and whilst I've not done it, I would consider reverse image search too if I felt something was up with the photos. You could tell someone you're doing it beforehand. . In relation to confusion, your OP states you have mutual trust and respect. A mere few hours later you suggest you're being misled.. Yes, Google search and do the things just be clear about doing so in advance. It's the social media stuff and saying afterwards "by the way I found your IG" that can be off-putting. Especially as a woman to hear that from a man.
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 Everything about this dynamic is new to me since I have never been a sub or in a kinky dynamic before but I really did not expect how my Mistress managed to make me open up about things I tought I would bring to the grave with me, kinwhise and not. I had a lot of trouble accepting the fact that I was talking so much about me since I hate the feeling of being a narcisist but she conviced me that she was genuenly curious. I also made it very clear that I did not want her to feel burdened or like my psychologist. I really enjoy talking to her both about our hobbies and about our kinky fantasies. And please do not worry about her wanting to know things about me I can assure you that she is not trying to blackmail me or something like that.
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 Just now, wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww said: Everything about this dynamic is new to me since I have never been a sub or in a kinky dynamic before but I really did not expect how my Mistress managed to make me open up about things I tought I would bring to the grave with me, kinwhise and not. I had a lot of trouble accepting the fact that I was talking so much about me since I hate the feeling of being a narcisist but she conviced me that she was genuenly curious. I also made it very clear that I did not want her to feel burdened or like my psychologist. I really enjoy talking to her both about our hobbies and about our kinky fantasies. And please do not worry about her wanting to know things about me I can assure you that she is not trying to blackmail me or something like that. The genuine care and friendships that develop are some of the best parts IMO. There's a lot of "submissive" men I encounter who don't get that's a very important part of things.
An**** Posted April 11 Posted April 11 3 hours ago, ThaliaV said: The genuine care and friendships that develop are some of the best parts IMO. There's a lot of "submissive" men I encounter who don't get that's a very important part of things. I truly respect your input on topics. Your approach and honesty is amazing. Thank you for taking time to help others in such a positive way.
Th**** Posted April 11 Posted April 11 22 minutes ago, Angelbaby865 said: I truly respect your input on topics. Your approach and honesty is amazing. Thank you for taking time to help others in such a positive way. Aw thank you. 😊
Leisa Posted April 11 Posted April 11 I was in a long distance D/s for months and for the majority of the time it was beautiful. Daily phone chats and more often than not being led through scenes and given direction. We also enjoyed video calls. Despite the daily contact the lack of physical contact took its toll and we ended up ending the dynamic while there was still love and respect present. He’s still one of my dearest lifestyle friends. If after a short time you’re already feeling the stress of the lack of physicality, unless you both find a way to overcome that distance, there’s nothing that will replace what sounds like a need. It’s ok to need physical touch and the majority of people need it to some extent. You said meeting up in person is not completely out of the realm of possibility. Maybe it would be worth exploring to see if it’s a viable option beforehand.
ey**** Posted April 11 Posted April 11 distance relationships are hard especially if you're unlikely to ever meet. it's worth being honest to both yourself and her as of if this is a route you want to go down and which elements you are struggling with to see if you can work them together
bl**** Posted April 11 Posted April 11 I had 6 years online-only experience with the same Domme. Being in America it wasn’t possible to visit her, but I always hoped some miracle might happen and I would one day meet her. Most of the time I accepted I’d probably never see her in person but sometimes it really hurt. A month can feel like a long time but this is very new really - might be worth giving some time to see if the longing turns into more of a positive thing that energises your service of her; however I would make sure she knows what’s in your mind.
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 11 Author Posted April 11 I really apreciate hearing about different stories from all of you, It is making me feel less alone with this trouble. And we have talked about this, we both put in a lot of effort to make tha dynamic work online and even if we haven't done it yet she promised me that she is interested in a video call to see if it makes us feel better. This might help to alleviate my worries untill we get the chance to organize a meetup around our personal lives.
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 11 Author Posted April 11 10 hours ago, ThaliaV said: The genuine care and friendships that develop are some of the best parts IMO. There's a lot of "submissive" men I encounter who don't get that's a very important part of things. It really is the best part, not to say that we are not having fun with the kinky stuff but the connection we formed outside of the D/s dynamic is very important to us. She even managed to help me with my body dismorphia which I would consider a lifechanging feat. By forcing me to talk about things I apreciate about myself and making me send pictures of me when I am feeling good, along with many other tasks she slowly suceeded in making me feel comfortable in my own body. Now I am not only happy with myself I actually believe that I am hot wich is something I haven't been able to see in a mirror for a very long time and I will never forget how thankful I am to my Goddes for it.
Hy**** Posted April 13 Posted April 13 I did this stuff for a decade and a half, and it made me the Dom I am today. That being said, now that I’ve had the real thing, I won’t day online dynamics aren’t real, but I will say they are unsubstantial. People are built to be together. If you’re dedicated large portions of energy towards someone you have no intention of meeting or they meeting you, then you’re not working on a relationship, you’re either working on, or lying to, yourself.
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