About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- LTR (relationship)
- BDSM Lovers
Description
The traits I look for in a Dominant go against the grain of the role. Just as subs need incredible strength, Dominants need gentleness and humility. A top accepts control. A sociopath demands it. A Dominant though? They earn it. The only way a Dom will ever earn power over me is by showing me that he would never demand it.
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Dominance is not a label. It’s a verdict. It's something I feel in my bones, in my breath, in the way my body responds. It draws submission out of me. It never demands it. I'll give up my power because I trust a person with my vulnerability. D/s is intensely intimate, and I won't engage with it until I know you'll hold it gently. Safety, it transpires, is one hell of an aphrodisiac.
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I want a vanilla man: someone who dates me before he considers dominating me; who begins with conversations, not floggers; who gets to know me by talking to me, not fucking me. I want someone who knows people matter, that love matters, that I matter. If I wanted to be ordered around in a role-playing arrangement, I would create an OF and gain an income from it. I don't. I want someone to love who loves me; someone who feels like home; someone who is home.
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I want a man who makes mistakes: The type who’s intimately acquainted with his own weaknesses and who doesn’t see admitting fault as a loss. I want a man who walks beside me, not one who positions himself as though we’re at war. Someone who tells the truth, not because he might get caught in a lie, but because honesty matters to him. It matters because he can't respect himself any other way. No person can evolve without the capacity to be honest with themselves, and no relationship can evolve until the hardest truths are known.
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I write and post on the forums. A lot. When I was new I read and read but nothing really spoke to me. It was all very black and white, theoretical and serious. BDSM is serious stuff but it should also be full of fun and light. It's a romance, not a religion. In the beginning, I spoke with people who told me that this was no different to vanilla dating and it is. It's not the same at all. I needed to read about other peoples experiences, how they felt because, I feel that I might have been able to relate to it. I needed something tangible. I still do.
So I write the things that I'd have liked to have read from my experience so far in the hope others find it useful but also to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of logical form. Some will be reflections on my experiences, some will questioning, others will simply be sarcasm, making light of the "lifestyle"
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if you want to know more about me, maybe have a read.
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Writing on Fet though has taught me that everyone reads through their own lens. No matter how hard you polish those glasses, people will apply their own tint to everything they see. Everyone seems to carry their own agenda around with them like a shopping trolley. Then they unpack the contents in everyone else's kitchen because it will be about them no matter what.
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Few people put work into their online reading. They unpack that creaky old trolley with it's wonky wheel before they've even read the first line. I'm certain some of them don't even bother reading the post before disagreeing with it. Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of being manipulated into conversations I never signed up for. I am responsible for what I say, not what you read.
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Please send icecream
Limits
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
Actually, I didn't challenge your viewpoint but no, I've no intention of engaging with you further given how I've seen you do so with others. You talk about respect but...
Condescending
Patronising
Egotistical
Supercilious
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I would not throw stones from glass houses. It would be easy enough to locate forum threads you've made and 'highlight the flaws'
That's because I suspect none of us are kink educators nor authors but rather people sharing views.
It's Read more… interesting to me that many people are challenging your viewpoint/approach but you continue to nitpick with one person.
Even if the OP hadn't consistently used the word "example" and had said "this is how protocols work" or "its this way and no other way" matter of factly, the purpose of the forums is to share thoughts, views, and opinions.
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We might not all share the same opinion. The forums allow us to share Read more… ours via the comments sections, and it's from the whole thread that people take away their own learning.
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To consistently challenge one person's view when there is nothing inherently wrong with them and, when they are actually saying nothing different to your own, just using different wording, is rather rude and comes across as if you're trying to achieve some kind of one-up-man-ship. I'm not really understanding the point of your comments if I'm honest.
Its an understanding of what the acronyms mean, not only the positives of them but also understanding where they fall short (because they very much do, all of them). It's how they are being applied by each individual.
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It's about open, meaningful, and effective communication.
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It's not just Read more… about safe words/signals, but having respect and trust that they'll be used appropriately and acted upon.
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It's about having the knowledge and skills around the act being done. Not having a gun ho/devil may care attitude.
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It's about each individual having their own risk assessment and divulging it to the other party/s.
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Most importantly, it's about having a relationship with the other individual/s whereby you know that the above is in place.
Favourite quote of mine from one of the most aspirational people
"A gilded cage is still a cage"
Glad someone else is familiar with it but nit in these circumstances
It's not defensiveness and it's not the point if the OP
I've checked the OPs profile, how is setting out boundaries defensiveness?
Nope, your first comment made many inappropriate assumptions about the OPs situation including
1. The partner was so adept at oral that she would have enjoyed herself.
That that enjoyment would have spurred the partner on and she would have enjoyed penetrative sex despite that she states this is Read more… not the case.
3. That she let her partner down.
4. That she was selfish.
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The OP said no to penetrative sex. That's it. That's the whole story.
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You've changed your tune because your attitude was challenged as being poor towards someone elses comment. It's one thing to have a differing opinion. It's another to be rude.
Because everything is transactional of course 🤷♀️🙄
If it makes you feel better, have a read of a post called 'how do new subs stay safe' in this forum. We've all learnt the hard way but isn't that the point of life?
You're opinion was challenged in a non personal way. You don't appreciate it and so you take cheap shots at someones personality/character. Someone I hasten to add you do not know.
FD didn't ask for your opinion. She did however share hers and it's one that I agree with.
It's madness in this day Read more… and age that people still do not understand the simplicity around consent.
How did you navigate matters in vanilla dating? Egnwhether you and a potential date/partner were a good fit?
No difference
Truly
You have to realise a few things about, not this app specifically/solely, but all online kink sites.
1. When you're new here, everyone will message you regardless of their interests/intent. These are the people who specifically look for newbies/less experienced individuals. They are skilled at the Read more… chat and it's easy to fall for it.
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2. When we're new, it's like a candy store. Everything is bright and sparkly, and we're keen to jump in, especially if we're only just getting to grips with a new side of ourselves. And, we can say we've vetted, but the first few times we do, we do not do it well, and we miss the glaring red flags. We can say that we're cautious/skeptical and don't jump in straight in away with both feet but, well, here we all are with our stories.
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3. This is no different from vanilla dating/ hookups. Trust your gut instinct. Ignore your heart and the excitement around a new connection/relationship. Do not 'play' on a first meet.
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4. Rather than going straight into meets with people, spend time here getting to know and learn from the community, not just about kink but yourself too.