Molly's BDSM Tips | Exploring Female Masturbation Techniques

This month our BDSM advice guru Molly helps out one woman kinkster who is new to self-pleasure. From props to positions, discover some great female masturbation techniques and tips and learn some winning ways of wanking! 

 

Dear Molly, 
During my marriage, my husband and I had what I thought was an OK sex life – turns out I was wrong. Indeed, since my divorce, I've realized that I missed out on a lot of things – and one of those is enjoying my own body. It may sound odd, but I'm in my 40s and masturbation is a whole new experience for me. To be honest, I’m feeling a little lost with it, not knowing what positions to try. I've looked at sex toys but I have no idea what to buy as I don’t really know what I like. I can make myself orgasm but it feels kind of perfunctory rather than exciting. When I look online I find lots of stuff about masturbation techniques for men but very little for women. How do I develop my masturbation techniques and really start enjoying my body?

Baby Wanker

 

Dear Baby Wanker,

Welcome to the world of solo sex and self-pleasure! Your body is a wonderful thing and getting to discover it at any age is fabulous, but I think there is something extra special about discovering the joys of masturbation later in life. You come at it – excuse the pun –with more life experience and often a more open mind. We also know that masturbation is good for both your physical and mental health, and so developing female masturbation techniques and learning your body comes with multiple benefits. 

 

Masturbation techniques for women

I feel like that is the start of a sentence which says, ‘female masturbation techniques are actually very similar to those for men’. And before you protest, yes, I know the anatomy is different, but, in fact, the ways to enhance your solo sex sessions are really the same, regardless of your gender and/or anatomy. That’s because they are about learning more about your body, exploring things that turn you on, making it special, etc, basically just shaking things up a bit so that it goes from perfunctory to perfection!

 

Discovering your body

Start by spending time with your body. Don’t focus on the orgasm as your goal but on enjoying the sensory pleasure of your body. Take a bath or a shower, put moisturizer on your skin, dress-up in clothes that make you feel sexy, go to bed early, and enjoy just letting your hands wander. Basically do nice things for yourself. 

When it comes to exploring your body, start by spending time touching your neck, breasts, nipples, tummy and thighs. It can be soft, feather-like touches, but don’t stop at that. Try scratching with your nails – soft or hard – maybe little pinches, or even grabbing your flesh. You might be surprised by what you learn about how you like to be touched.  

 

You can progress to touching your genitals, but it can be so easy to get into a masturbation rut where you just focus on that part of your body and basically ‘rub one out’. Sometimes that is what you need and want, but making it a more involved sensual experience is such a great female masturbation technique when it comes to enjoying self-pleasure. 

 

Female masturbation: positions and props

It can be really easy to slip into a way of masturbating that you just turn to every time, but that is where, I think, it can start to feel less inspiring and more like ticking a box than really indulging in solo sex. Positions and props are great ways to shake up female masturbation techniques:

 

1. Masturbation positions for women

Try changing positions and even locations when you masturbate. Obviously having a wank in the lounge or hallway will depend on how much privacy you have at home, but maybe the bathroom is possible. When it comes to female masturbation positions, there are many to try. Sitting in a chair, standing, laying on your front, kneeling, squatting, or even a combination. Different positions can change the sensation and you will learn the ones that feel really good for you and those that maybe don’t work as well.

 

2. Female masturbation props

There are so many options to explore here, but some that spring to mind as good starting places are things like mirrors, pillows and ice.

Try standing in front of the mirror and watching yourself, or, if you have a small mirror, you can prop it up between your legs and enjoy the view. It’s a really great way to get to know and enjoy your body. 

 

“There are many female masturbation positions to try. Sitting in a chair, standing, laying on your front, kneeling, squatting, or even a combination.”

 

Try using pillows under your bottom to lift up your hips or – if you are face down – to lift up your bottom. Also, pillows are good when it comes to kneeling and laying down; feeling really comfortable often means you can focus on the pleasure sensations rather than the ache in your knees or back, etc.

Thirdly, ice is a great way to change things up, too. You might want to put down a towel or try it in the bathroom, but cold against the skin and erogenous zones can be really stimulating. It also slows things down as you focus on that sensation rather than just achieving orgasm. You can also try warm things too; having a bath or shower is a great time to explore touching yourself, but you can also get warming massage oils that you can try. Just be careful using them on your genitals and often they are not made for that and can potentially cause harm.

Explore getting erotic with ice during female masturbation shutterstock/vfhnb12 

 

Getting to the main event

Of course, having an orgasm is definitely a big part of why most people masturbate, and so exploring your genitals and finding out what feels good and makes you come is definitely a big part of developing your masturbation technique. 

It can be easy to do the same thing every time; after all, you probably know what works, but trying other things is definitely a good idea. For example, have you tried anal play as part of your masturbation? It is a part of the body that is often overlooked when you are wanking, but it shouldn’t be, as the anus can bring great pleasure.

When it comes to touching your clit or inserting anything into your vagina, also think about trying different things. Does using a different finger or applying more or less pleasure change things? Basically just take your time with your body.  

 

Sex toys and lube

I feel like I should have started this piece with lube, lube and more lube! Really, it is one of the best inventions when it comes to self-pleasure and masturbation. It is also one the best inventions when it comes to partnered sex too. As a general rule, the more slippery things are, the better it all feels, and that applies to everyone – regardless of whether they have a vulva or a penis. 

Try out different lubes and find the ones you like. I would recommend starting with water-based ones and stay away from ones that overly scented and flavored, and any that desensitize. They are often marketed as anal lube but you actually want to know when something is uncomfortable/painful so you can stop – not mask it – as that is how you can cause injury.

 

“We know that masturbation is good for your physical and mental health, so developing female masturbation techniques and learning your body comes with multiple benefits.”

 

When it comes to sex toys for masturbation, working out where to spend your budget can be a challenge, but exploring your body more will help you to find those answers. If you like clitoral stimulation, which most people with a vulva do, then maybe try a bullet vibe. They are relatively cheap and a good introduction to vibrations. If you like penetration, then try getting a dildo too. Using the two together might be a whole new orgasmic experience for you. 

If you think you might want to explore anal play, then start with a small butt plug. Make sure it has a solid T-shaped base and is made from a body-safe material. As you start to explore the world of sex toys you will discover the things that work for you and those that don’t. For example, some people like really light, buzzy vibrations on their clit and some like more deep rumbly types. 

Sadly (or happily!), the only way to find out is to try, but you can definitely start by buying something small and simple and trying that. Then, if you like it, invest in something more substantial. Really, sex toys are your friend, whatever your budget is, I would highly recommend diving in and trying some things. Treat yourself!

Try different female masturbation positions to see what works

 

Pornography and female masturbation

Pornography is such a brilliant way to develop your masturbatory techniques. Not only can porn get your in the mood but it can also help you to discover more about your body, what makes you horny, and what you like that you may have never tried before.

Also, don’t forget that porn does not have to mean graphic sex videos. Maybe you might prefer written porn; there are lots of fabulous spicy books to explore and also sex blogs and sex story sites that are full of the dirty written word. Audio porn is also hugely popular right now and there is an increasing amount of it being made. Try popping your headphones in and enjoy having someone telling you a sexy story. 

 

Female masturbation techniques: final thoughts

What makes you feel good? That is really the most important thing to ask yourself when it comes to sex – whether that is sex that is partnered or solo. Give yourself the gift of finding out what makes you feel good. Explore your desire and turn-ons. Make masturbation a priority in your life and remember being new to wanking is an exciting opportunity to discover your body and absolutely nothing to be ashamed off. Explore our female masturbation techniques and enjoy every minute doing just that! 

 

Good luck!
Molly x

If you need any more Domme dating advice, or want to discuss any other kink-related issue, contact Molly via her Fetish profile. Domme looking to date? Join our forum!

 
Images: shutterstock/Roman Samborskyi