You may think masturbation is the most vanilla sex act out there, but there are ways to spice it up. That's especially true if you're masturbating with a partner. Victoria Blisse explains why mutual masturbation can be hands-down horny... 


Masturbation is a favorite activity we all indulge in sometimes. It’s a stress release, a mood booster, and a wonderful way to keep in touch with your own sexual desire. It can be seen as the most vanilla of solo activities, but is it really?

Masturbation can be kinky, and it doesn’t have to be kept to yourself.’s very own Victoria Blisse takes a closer look at mutual masturbation and how adding in another person can make wanking a spicier activity.


What is mutual masturbation?

Making solo spicy time a group activity, mutual masturbation is where a person and their partner’s enjoy masturbation together. This can be when partners masturbate themselves at the same time or it can be masturbating your partners as they masturbate you. 


There are no other rules over how, where or when you do it or how many of you can be involved. Feel free to experiment however you like.


What benefits does mutual masturbation offer?

You get to find out a lot about your own turn-ons and how to pleasure your body when you masturbate. With mutual masturbation you can show a partner how you enjoy being touched and what actions help you come to orgasm.  You can find this out for them too. 

This kind of sexual activity can also be done using digital means... and I don’t mean fingering! You can try using some form of online video sharing and enjoy sexual connection together – even when you can’t be in the same room.

Need a helping hand? Try mutual masturbation  

Sometimes you’re not in the mood for penetrative sex; maybe it’s too hot, or you’re too tired, but you are both in the mood for something sexy. Masturbating with your partner means you don’t have to get any closer and you don’t have to use as much energy.

You can even use sex toys to make it even easier for yourself. Mutual masturbation is an accessible form of sex that you can indulge in anywhere or anytime you have the privacy to do so.


Feeling shy? Confidence with mutual masturbation

Does the idea of playing with yourself in front of another person fill you with anxiety? It can be hard to put yourself in such a  vulnerable position, but this can also be a source of excitement. You're letting someone in on something you normally do only on your own.


“With mutual masturbation you can show a partner how you enjoy being touched and what actions help you come to orgasm. You can find this out for them too.”

As hot as this is, it can also be quite a daunting idea if you’ve never done it before. Here are a few suggestions on things to try to gain confidence when masturbating with a partner. 


1. Be your own audience

Use a mirror or your phone to watch yourself wank. You can see how you look and find out how sexy that is. Getting comfortable seeing yourself masturbate can help you feel happier about letting someone else see it.




2. Keep it under cover

If you’re not sure about letting someone see everything, then keep bits of you covered up. Keep your clothes on, cover your genitals with a sheet, or even turn your face away if that’s the part of your body you don’t want seen.

Indeed, perhaps you are more worried about someone seeing how you react to masturbating, rather than any of your body parts. You can show as much of yourself as you’re comfortable with. No need to dive right in at being fully naked.

Back to basics: try masturbating a partner from behind!


3. Try online 

Not sure you’re ready to be masturbating in front of someone in the flesh? Try it online. This way you can control the camera angle and the sound (switch it off if you want). Having these aspects of control can help put you at your ease when it comes to mutual masturbation.


Also, remember to communicate with your partner/s about your nervousness. They can help you and sometimes just admitting you’re a bit scared can relieve some of the anxiety of the situation.


Mutual masturbation positions

Masturbating with your partner, how do you actually practically do it?  Well, there’s a few different techniques you can try:

  • Face-to-face Reclining on a sofa or either ends of a bed, both of you face each other. Spread your legs so you are both comfortable and can be seen. This might involve some leg crossing over – that’s a nice bonus if it happens. Lean back and enjoy the full frontal show. One or both of you may prefer to kneel; go with what feels right.
  • Side by side Face-to-face you can lie next to each other on your sides and touch yourself or reach over to touch your partner. If there’s more than two of you, some people may choose to lie flat on their backs so people can see and touch the other people involved.
  • Side-on 69 This way you lie top-to-toe with your partners and you can touch them or touch yourself. This way you both get to see what happens right up close and personal when your partner comes.



There are bound to be other ways you can explore mutual masturbation – feel free to share your ideas below for your fellow kinksters to enjoy.


The final FET: mutual masturbation

Don’t be shy, give a little mutual masturbation a try. It can feed your inner exhibitionist and/or voyeur and bring you closer to your partner/s. You might learn something new too. If you’re still feeling shy, check out Molly’s BDSM Tips on exploring mutual masturbation and give it a go in a way that feels good for you. •

Victoria Blisse is an erotic author, a sex-positive Reverend, and part of Smut.UK who arranges events for curious and kinky people with a literary bent.


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