Why Mutual Masturbation is Kinkier Than You Think

You may think masturbation is the most vanilla sex act out there, but there are ways to spice it up. That's especially true if you're jerking off together with a partner. Victoria Blisse explains why mutual masturbation can be hands-down horny.

Let's not beat around the bush (!), masturbation is an activity that we all indulge in sometimes. It’s a stress release, a mood booster, and a wonderful way to keep in touch with your own sexual desire. It is often seen as the most vanilla of solo activities... but is it really?

Masturbation can be kinky, and it doesn’t have to be kept to yourself. Discover how adding another partner into the mix and jerking off together can make masturbation a kinkier activity.

What exactly is mutual masturbation?

So, mutual masturbation is where a person turns their solo spicy time into a group activity, inviting a partner or partners to enjoy in masturbating together. This can be when partners watch each other masturbate themselves or it can be masturbating your partners as they masturbate you.

There are no other rules over how, where or when you jerk off together or how many of you can be involved. Feel free to experiment however you like.

What benefits does jerking off together offer?

Firstly, you get to find out a lot about your own turn-ons and how to pleasure your body when you masturbate. So, when masturbating together with a partner, you can show them how you enjoy being touched and what actions help you come to orgasm. Of course, with mutual masturbation this works both ways – you can find out what gets them off too.

Secondly, jerking off together as a form of sexual activity can also be done using digital means – and I don’t mean fingering! For example, you can try using some form of online video sharing and enjoy sexual connection together – even when you can’t be in the same room.

Helping hand? Mutual masturbation is not as vanilla as you'd think

Thirdly, sometimes you’re not in the mood for penetrative sex; maybe it’s too hot, or you’re too tired, but you're both in the mood for something sexy. Masturbating together with your partner means you don’t have to get any so deeply intimate and you don’t have to use as much energy.

“With mutual masturbation you can show a partner how you enjoy being touched and what actions help you come to orgasm. You can find this out for them too.”

Finally, you can even use sex toys to make it even easier for yourself. Mutual masturbation is an accessible form of sex that you can indulge in anywhere or any time you have the privacy to do so.

Building confidence with mutual masturbation

Does the idea of playing with yourself in front of another person fill you with anxiety? It can be hard to put yourself in such a *** position, but this can also be a source of excitement. When you're jerking off together, you're letting someone in on something you normally do only on your own.

As hot as this is, it can also be quite a daunting idea if you’ve never done it before. Here are a few ideas of things to try to gain confidence when mutual masturbating with a partner:

1. Be your own audience

Use a mirror or your phone to watch yourself wank. You can see how you look and find out how sexy that is. Getting comfortable seeing yourself masturbate can help you feel happier about letting someone else see it.

Back to basics: try jerking off a partner from behind

2. Keep it under cover

If you’re not sure about letting someone see everything while wanking together, then you can choose to keep bits of you covered up. Keep your clothes on; cover your genitals with a sheet, or even turn your face away if that’s the part of your body you don’t want to be seen.

“Jerking off together as a form of sexual activity can also be done using digital means. For example, you can try using some form of online video sharing.”

Indeed, perhaps you'rre more worried about someone seeing how you react to masturbating, rather than any of your body parts. You can show as much of yourself as you’re comfortable with. No need to dive right in at being fully naked.

3. Try online

Not sure you’re ready to practise mutual masturbation in the flesh? Then try it online. This way you can control the camera angle and the sound (switch it off if you want). Having these aspects of control can help put you at your ease when it comes to mutual masturbation.

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Also, remember to communicate with your partner/s about your nervousness. They can help you and sometimes just admitting you’re a bit scared can relieve some of the anxiety of the situation.

Mutual masturbation positions

OK, so when jerking off together with your partner, how do you practically do it? Well, there’s a few different techniques you can try:

Face-to-face Reclining on a sofa or either ends of a bed, both of you face each other. Spread your legs so you' re both comfortable and can be seen. This might involve some leg crossing over – that’s a nice bonus if it happens. Lean back and enjoy the full frontal show. One or both of you may prefer to kneel; go with what feels right.
Side by side Face-to-face you can lie next to each other on your sides and touch yourself or reach over to touch your partner. If there’s more than two of you, some people may choose to lie flat on their backs so people can see and touch the other people involved.
Side-on 69 This way you lie top-to-toe with your partners and you can touch them or touch yourself. This way you both get to see what happens right up close and personal when your partner comes.

There are bound to be other practical ways you can explore mutual masturbation – please feel free to share your ideas at the end of this article for your fellow kinksters to enjoy!

The final FET: mutual masturbation

Don’t be shy and give a little mutual masturbation a try! Jerking off together with a partner/s can feed your inner exhibitionist and/or voyeur and bring you closer to them. You might learn something new, too. If you’re still feeling shy, check out Molly’s BDSM Tips on exploring mutual masturbation and give it a go in a way that feels good for you. •

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.