What is a praise kink and do I have one?

Does receiving praise from a partner during sex make you wet or give you a hard-on? Or maybe it's dishing out the compliments that turns you on? If you answered 'yes' to either of these questions then you may have a praise kink. Fetish.com's praise-loving princess Victoria Blisse answers your questions on this hot topic.

Receiving a compliment usually gives us a wonderful jolt of warm fuzzies in any situation and at any time, but it hits differently when you’re in a scene, right? So-called praise kink is coming into its own right now. Also referred to as 'affirmation play' or 'good girl kink', it's currently trending all over social media and might just be the hottest thing on the fetish block at the moment!

Indeed, thousands of TikTok members are adding videos to the channel about their love for encouragement and words of affirmation during sex. Many are sharing the phrases that get them all hot and bothered. Things like, “you're a good girl/boy,” “you're doing such a great job,” “I love how you wiggle your butt during sex,” etc. These videos also help viewers find out if they, too, may have a praise kink. With the hashtag #praisek1nk getting millions of views on TikTok alone, it's clear many of us are curious about a kink for praise and affirmation play.

Moreover, in our fetish community, a lot of activities we indulge in often involve discipline and punishment, so some of us may find it refreshing to see positive rein***ment through praise kink incorporated into our sexual play.

So, what exactly is a praise kink?

When you’re told you’ve done a good job, been helpful, or receive any kind of compliment, it generally makes you feel good, right? Even if there’s a tinge of embarrassment there too. This in itself isn’t a kink, but if this kind of feedback turns a person on and provokes a sexual response then congratulations: the answer to ‘do I have a praise kink?’ is yes, yes, yes!

Tell me more! Do you get off on being praised during sex?

Praise kink goes hand in hand with power exchange between a Dominant and a submissive in BDSM, be that in an individual scene or an ongoing dynamic. It's a kink that can be employed in the most public and vanilla of settings because it’s simple to offer a compliment that you know will get your submissive hot for you without alerting anyone else to what is going on.

In fact, dopamine is the chemical answer to why praise makes you feel good and helps to boost your ego. This neurochemical activates a reward centre in the brain and that pleasure boost gives you the desire to seek out more of the same. But praise kinksters don’t just get an ego boost; that pleasure response goes right to sexual arousal, too.

Praise kinks: the psychology behind them

Why do some people get turned on by affirmation? It might be that they have experienced praise during sex and have come to associate praise with orgasms. It could be that praise has been an essential part of D/s interactions, from compliments to head pats and hugs. So much so that it really becomes something a person needs to orgasm of find pleasure in their kink interactions.

“Getting a compliment gives a wonderful jolt of warm fuzzies in any situation. Praise kink is coming into its own right now, trending on TIkTok, it is also known as affirmation play or good girl kink.”

Like many things we learn about relationships, love and sex, praise kinks could also stem from our childhood. If approval or praise wasn't much a part of our early life experiences – regardless of whether that was through our parents or early romantic experiences – a kink for praise may be about craving and fulfilling that rein***ment we had been lacking.

What if I enjoy giving praise?

Yep, praise kink can totally flow both ways. Giving praise can be something you enjoy doing. Why? It feels good to get a positive response from another person, and that is intensified when you are in a D/s dynamic.

It might seem like you need to be a soft dom to want to compliment and affirm your sub, but that isn’t true. *** might seem like the opposite of praise, and it can be. BDSM scenes often use opposites to up the intensity. Hot and cold, soft and hard and *** and praise.

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For some people, praise is humiliating, it causes embarrassment, and that awkwardness in itself can be hot. So *** and affirmation play can also exist hand-in-hand.

How to try praise kink

It might not be enough just to ask ‘do I have a praise kink?’, you might want to actually give it a go, to see if receiving or giving compliments during sex turns you on. So, where do you start?

Incorporate praise kink into play and see if it works for you

As with any scene, start with negotiation. Talk to your play partner/s about what they want to do, any limits, and take into consideration any aftercare needs that people might need. Yes, good girl kink (or good boy kink or good sub kink) is about affirmation, and you might think that doesn’t need aftercare, but drop after such play is still something that needs taking into consideration.

Praise kink phrases and actions to use could include:

'“You are so good at that”
“You’re my good sub/slut/pet/doll or other pet name”
“I’m so proud of you”
“You look amazing in that”
“You took that so well for me”
“I really want to show you off at the kink event later”
Squeeze their arm/ass/thigh as a ‘well done’ for doing something
Offering headpats

Dominants can have a praise kink too, here are some top specific praise terms you could use for them:

“You take such good care of me“
“ Your hands feel so good on me”
“ I love the way you taste/feel”
“You hurt me just right!”
“You have such a gorgeous smile/scowl/stare”
“You are so skilfull with that rope/cane/whip, etc”

The final fetish: kinky praise

Let's face it, giving compliments is a really good thing to do every day and in any situation, but it can be especially rewarding when it’s part of a praise kink. Use the extremes of BDSM play to enhance every moment, humiliate and praise, and ride the high of affirmation play in your kinky scenes today. •

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.