Molly’s BDSM Tips for First Time Vaginal Fisting

This week, one FET member would like to know how to go about vaginal fisting for the first time after receiving a request from his partner. Our BDSM advice columnist Molly shares her top fisting tips to ensure a gratifying experience for all involved.

Dear Molly, my girlfriend has asked me to fist her. It's something she did with a previous partner and enjoyed, but it's not something I've ever done before, and I'm worried about getting it wrong or hurting her. Do you have any advice or tips for me on vaginal fisting?
Mr. Unsure.

Dear Mr. Unsure,
How lovely that your girlfriend feels comfortable enough with you to ask for something so intimate and intense as vaginal fisting, and well done for asking about getting it right. Porn often portrays fisting as something relatively easy. You don't tend to see the preparation that had gone into it before the camera started rolling and that the people involved have experience. Fisting requires both time and patience to be achievable and pleasurable for the recipient. 
 

1. Don't make a fist

The first thing to know is that you don't actually make a fist shape when fisting someone, more of a 'duck-beak' shape. Also, once you insert your hand in someone, the amount you move it inside them is often very minimal - if at all. What's most pleasurable is the intense sensation of being stretched and full, not any thrusting sensation. 
 

2. Trim those nails

There's no need to go to a manicurist unless you want to, but grab those nail scissors or clippers and ensure you trim your nails right down. Afterward, you should also file your nails to avoid sharp or snagged edges that may hurt your partner and wash your hands before play. 
 

3. Lube, space, and time

Vaginal fisting (or anal fisting) isn't something you can do in a hurry. If you only have a short amount of time, leave the fisting for another day. Likewise, pick your space wisely too. You want your partner to feel relaxed and comfortable, so communicate with them about what that would look like so you can plan with them. Oh, and most importantly of all, ensure you have lots of quality lube to hand. See what I did there? Again, talk with your partner about the lube they like and buy an extra bottle. Regardless of how wet and turned on your partner is, vaginal fisting requires lots and lots of lube. 
 

4. Start slow

Make sure your partner is comfortable and relaxed, and spend time getting them aroused before even thinking about going anywhere near their vagina with your fist. Once you're both ready, start slow but also start small. Insert one, maybe two fingers into their vagina, and don't forget to keep applying the lube while you do. 

Take time to gently stimulate them, working your fingers into them before adding another one and so on. Talking to your partner is also vital, so asking them things like, does this feel good? Are you ready for more? etc., will help them feel relaxed and in control of what's happening. 
 

5. Don't forget the clit

It can be very easy for the person doing the vaginal fisting to become so focused on what they're doing that they forget about stimulating their partner in other ways. Weirdly this is a good thing, as it means you're focused on them and their body, but stimulating their clit can be helpful when it comes to vaginal fisting. It's something to discuss with your partner to find out what they like; however, giving them a vibrator to control the stimulation of their clit could be an excellent idea.  
 

6. Try different positions 

Your partner may have a preferred position for vaginal fisting, so discuss this with them. Trying different positions is always a good idea, especially if you're having trouble. Kneeling on all fours can be as good as kneeling upright as you lay beneath them, slowly working your fingers into them. They mostly want to be in a position where they can relax the muscles around their pelvis and pelvic floor, so any position that makes these muscles tighten is probably best avoided.
 

7. Don't expect always to be successful

This doesn't just relate to the first time you try vaginal fisting but every time. Sometimes it'll work and be amazing; other times, it won't. Bodies are unpredictable and don't cooperate in the same way all the time. Hormones, tiredness, position, and other things can disturb play. If it doesn't work out, don't be disheartened. Reassure your partner that it's okay, and you can try another time again if they want. No one has failed if it doesn't happen. 
 

8. Communication 

I've already mentioned communication a lot in this piece, but it is so important I want to talk about it again. Communicate with your partner beforehand. Encourage them to tell you what it was like when they did it before, how it felt for them, and what they liked about it, but don't forget to communicate with them during play. Check-in with them regularly and tell them what you're doing and how sexy it is for you. If they have a praise kink where they like to be told they're being good or doing well, then incorporate that into what you say to them. 

Also, remember communication doesn't end when the play stops. Spend time afterward talking about what happened and what your partner enjoyed etc. The more you do, the more you'll learn, and the better your vaginal fisting fun will be for you both. 
 

9. End slow

Lastly, this is another vital aspect - don't ever remove your hand from inside someone's vagina quickly. Just as you took time to ease your hand into your partner, ensure you take plenty of time to ease it out too. If your partner has had an orgasm, you'll need to wait for that to completely pass before they can relax enough for you to remove your hand. Also, lube is just as crucial for insertion as removal. Don’t skimp on it!
Molly x

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Cover image : released from Shutterstock.