Does Anal Hurt? 5 First-Time Anal Sex Tips

We can all enjoy the pleasures of anal sex, but being nervous about trying it for the first time is normal. So, if you're wondering 'does anal hurt?', listen to our BDSM advice columnist Molly instead. Here's her top five tips on pleasurable – and pain-free – first-time anal sex...

Anal sex can be incredibly enjoyable when done right, but it can also be hugely uncomfortable when it's not. For some female kinksters, their first time trying anal sex isn't always a positive one... and then it puts them off for life. So, if you and your partner are hot for the idea of trying some backdoor fun but you keep thinking 'does anal hurt?', I'm here to put your mind – and your bottom – at ease! 

Done right, anal has the potential to become a great part of your sex life. That's because the anus is packed with sensitive nerve-endings (especially near the sphincter) which can provoke pleasure. In fact, if you combine anal with clitoral stimulation then you may be well on the way to some mind-blowing orgasms.

However, women do need to take extra care when engaging in anal sex as they are potentially more at risk of developing issues than men. That's because women have less robust sphincters and  a lower anal canal pressure, which means any damage caused by penetration can be heightened. 

First-time anal: 5 Top Tips

Recent stats show that the proportion of 16- to 24-year-old heterosexual engaging in anal sex has more than doubled in recent decades, rising from 12.5% to 28.5%. Likewise, in the USA, it's estimated between 30 to 45% of both sexes have tried anal sex. If more of us are trying it, it's important to learn how to do it safely.

So, how can you start to relax and enjoy anal sex for the first time, rather than worry that it's going to hurt? Here are my five essential tips to ease you into anal...

1. Start small 

Full penetrative anal sex is the end destination of this journey, not the starting point. Indeed, it's unrealistic to think you can start without any preparation. If it's your first time trying anal sex, you need to build up to get into it. Start on your own during masturbation. While touching yourself, use some lube on your finger and massage it around your anus. Try doing it while you stimulate your clit, combining those two sensations. If it feels good, then push the tip of your finger into your butt – you want to get used to that sensation slowly.

You can also encourage your partner to do this with you. Get them to massage the area with lube, and when you feel comfortable, slowly and gently introduce a finger. Combining it with clitoral stimulation will help you to relax and be more turned on. It can be an odd or strange sensation at first, which is why it's crucial to go slowly and take your time. You don't want them thrusting a finger in and out right away as you're most likely not going to be ready for that.

Never rush anal sex– especially if it's your first time

2. Butt plugs are your friend

Invest in at least one butt plug or small anal dildo, and – if you can afford it – more than one. Start small and don't forget to buy one that's body-safe and has a wide, flared base. Never put anything in your butt that doesn't have a flared base as you risk it being drawn up into your body.

Also, buy one that's made from 100% silicone as you'll want something a bit soft and forgiving while you get used to it. You can incorporate it into your anal masturbation play or shared play with your partner. Just like before, take your time, go slow, use lube and combine with other pleasurable stimulation.

3. How to do anal: make lube your bestie

It's impossible to use too much lube when it comes to anal play. Unlike the vagina, the anal passage doesn't create any natural lubrication. So, using lots of lube means you're far less likely to experience any small tears and will also make it a much more pleasurable experience.

Anal play should feel good, but without lube, it'll feel uncomfortable, sore and even downright painful. Slather on the lubrication liberally, and when you think you have lots, add a bit more! Ensure you coat your bottom and anything you're putting into your ass such as a finger, butt plug, dildo or penis.

“If it's your first time trying anal sex, you need to build up to get into it. Start on your own during masturbation.”

What lube you pick is up to you, but it's worth experimenting and finding one that you like. You'll need a water-based lube if you're using a silicone toy, but if not, then silicone lube can be useful as it doesn't dry out as quickly as water-based.
 

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Despite the marketing, don't ever use a desensitizing lubricant as they're a terrible idea for anal sex as you'll need to feel what's happening. Pain can be your friend, meaning if something is painful, then you should stop. Masking pain means you're more at risk of causing damage because you can't feel something is wrong. Anal sex should be a pleasurable sensation for BOTH of you, not just the person giving. Take your time together to get to that place.

4. Take it slow

All your anal play explorations should be taken slowly, but especially if it's your first time. It's definitely not the moment for a quickie or a rushed fuck – you want to set aside a decent amount of time to build up. It's also worth mentioning that you may want to ensure that your anal passage is fully cleaned before embarking on play by using an enema, for example. While it's not essential, it can help with the initial build-up and make the experience more enjoyable all-round.

Does anal hurt? It can, but it doesn't have to with good foreplay

Start with touching and other stimulation, using lube and fingering yourself to get you warmed up and relaxed. Or, if you think you both might enjoy it, some anal rimming might be the perfect way to start to warm up your sphincter and get those nerve-endings tingling, ready for more. In fact, you should enjoy plenty of foreplay before his cock gets anywhere near your bottom. 

When you are feeling ready, you might even want to try using a plug or small dildo first. If your partner has given anal before, they should know that taking it slowly is key to it being pleasurable for you. They shouldn't push into you hard or deep but slowly, taking their time so your body can adjust to the size of his penis.

“All your anal play explorations should be taken slowly, but especially if it's your first time. It's definitely not the moment for a quickie or a rushed fuck.”

Fast and hard is pretty much guaranteed to cause you discomfort. I'd also suggest they should avoid a lot of thrusting while you get used to things, but you can guide that depending on how much you're enjoying it. If you prepare and take your time with sex toys and warm-up, then you may find that you'll want more and so you can express that.

5. Good communication

As with all good sex, communication between you and your partner is vital. You need to talk about your worries and the things you'd like to do beforehand. When in the moment, you need to be able to express yourself and say if you want less or more, slower or faster and know that they're going to listen and respond to your needs, as that's the best way to you both having an amazing anal orgasm experience together.

First-time anal: does it hurt? 

You're right to be cautious if you're worried about trying anal sex for the first time. If you haven't warmed up with lots of foreplay or applied copious amounts of lube, then it can be painful. Anal sex should never be rushed – especially if it's the first time you're trying it. Your partner needs to be patient as you discover the delights of this erogenous area together. But once you've mastered the art of anal you may find that it can lead to some of your strongest orgasms ever.  •

How was your first-time anal sex? Share your anal play tips with other kinksters in the comments below and over in the Fetish.com forum. 


Images: shutterstock/UfaBizPhoto, shutterstock/oneinchpunch