Molly’s BDSM Tips | Anal Play & Mind-blowing Prostate Orgasms

It's #PrideMonth and we're celebrating anal play and prostate orgasms in all their glory. But what's sexuality got to do with finding your P Spot? One FET member wants to dive deeper into the butt stuff (literally), yet has hit some roadblocks along the way. Molly is here to help demystify anal stimulation for all men interested in trying it.

Dear Molly,
I am a straight male who identifies as a Dom. I have become increasingly interested in experimenting with anal play and have read about prostate orgasms. I have tried on my own and with a partner, who had no previous experience, but we seem to missing the mark, quite literally. Do you have any advice for a man trying to achieve his first prostate orgasm?
P. Spot

Dear P. Spot,
Anal play can be amazing regardless of your gender or your sexuality. I find it interesting that you stated you are straight at the beginning of your question, and it makes me wonder if somewhere in your mind you still feel like it calls your sexuality into question. Could it be that your subconscious thoughts while trying anal play is stopping you from relaxing, and therefore embracing, its pleasurable aspects? This could be part of the reason why finding your p-spot and achieving a prostate orgasm has been so difficult.

Anal play does not make you gay or call into question your straightness. No one would think that if it was a woman involved, so why should it be any different for men? The first thing to do in your quest for prostate orgasms is to rewire your thinking about straightness and butt stuff. Pleasure has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

Prostate orgasms: How can I find my p-spot through anal play?

The prostate is part of the male reproductive system. It is a walnut-sized gland found between the bladder and the base of the penis, and can be felt through the wall of the rectum. It sits roughly 4-5 cm (1-2 inches) within the rectum on the front wall, which is roughly equivalent to a finger length. Handy that! The role of the prostate is to provide some of the seminal fluid which mixes with the sperm when you ejaculate, helping the sperm travel and survive.

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When it comes to finding your own prostate, it can be tricky due to its location. The prostate itself feels soft, squishy, and it moves around a little as you try to touch it. It can often be easier for another person to find it, or to try using toys to stimulate it. Anal play is all about location, location, stimulation!

Using prostate toys to stimulate the region

There are a lot of prostate stimulating toys on the market, ranging from butt plug styles that vibrate to dildos designed with a curve just in the right place to locate the prostate. Some butt play aids have a flat or gently curved head and are fairly rigid, so you can get the right pressure to achieve a prostate orgasm. If you want to experience a prostate orgasm as part of your solo sex regime, buying some toys that help you find your P spot are high up on my list of recommendations. Even if you explore anal play with a partner, the right toy can really help you have a good time and grow your confidence.

Do not skip the lube

Another vital aspect of any form of anal play is lube – and lots of it too. The anus and rectum are not self-lubricating, so adding plenty of lubrication will ensure there is no snagging or dragging, or potentially ***, which is absolutely vital for a good experience. It is up to you if you prefer water-based or silicone-based lube. Lots of people like silicone for anal play because it doesn't dry out and can often feel thicker, but be cautious if you are using silicone toys because silicone lube can damage the toy.

Go slow as practice makes perfect

Don't expect success the first time, and don't start where you want to end. Spend some time beforehand relaxing and easing into it with the right frame of mind. The anus has a tendency to tighten in response to stimulation, so it is essential to warm up the area with gentle touch. Communicating with your partner about what feels good and what does not is really important. When it comes to using toys for anal play, it is a case of: if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again! Don't let a disappointing first attempt put you off prostate toys and anal play altogether. Be open and willing to try something else.

Prostate orgasms can be amazing

But they are not for everyone. Whilst all people born with a penis have a prostate, not all folks enjoy the sensation of having it stimulated. Some people find having their prostate stimulated uncomfortable or strange. If that sounds like you, that's OK too! For most people with a penis, however, anal play is an intensely pleasurable experience that leads to mind-blowing prostate orgasms. Just take you time: the orgasm part will cum along when it's ready.
Molly x

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