Foreplay

For people into kinky foreplay

The usual story goes that 'foreplay' is all the stuff you get up to during sex that isn't, you know, mechanical thrusting. You've probably heard a lot of stuff about how women need it more than men do, too - as though generalisations like that are either helpful or accurate!

Here at Fetish.com, we're huge fans of all the activities involved in what people call foreplay - but not necessarily of the concept itself. Sex isn't always between one person with a penis and another with a vagina, it doesn't always start and end with perfectly defined boundaries and the literal fucking doesn't always have to be the most important part! Rather than looking at your sexual encounters as a three course meal where the PIV is the main event, think of them as a buffet: you can try a little bit of everything, go back as often as you like, and have things in any order you fancy.

What is foreplay?

The classic definition says it’s activity that leads up to sexual intercourse but sometimes intercourse is not the climax of a scene. So it is everything that gets you in the mood for more.

How much foreplay is normal?

How long is a piece of string? It’s hard to define what is just foreplay and everyone has different needs. Some people might need a lot of warming up to enjoy a scene, others might like to go into it with very little prep. The right amount is the amount that all parties involve need. And that will change all the time. So go with the flow.

Is foreplay just for women?

No, no and more no. There is a myth that women need it more than guys. It’s a very heteronormative concept and assumes that guys are all just about intercourse. That is not the case. Everyone needs foreplay sometimes. It isn’t something to be divided by gender.

Do you need foreplay in BDSM?

Yes, and you probably do it without thinking. Before impact play you warm a person up, when using a new implement of any kind you use it gently first, maybe rub it over the person’s body to let them get used to it. When tying a person with rope, you discuss what’s going on and make sure they’re comfortable in the position they are in. Using restraints you check they aren’t too tight. Maybe pull and yank on them to show the sub who is boss. All these acts are foreplay.

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Can you be vanilla and kinky?

Simply put, vanilla is the opposite of everything we're about here at Fetish.com. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, though - quite the opposite! All kinds of sex are fantastic for the people who desire them, and the best way to run your sex life is exactly how you and your partners want to. It's also important to bear in mind that just because someone has kinks and fetishes doesn't mean they never want good old vanilla sex. Sure, there are those amongst us who need a little kink all the while to keep it feeling good - but there are plenty more who crave a little vanilla every now and then and find the experience one that promotes intimacy and builds trust.

Kinky sex for kinky people

There are plenty of ways to describe the act of sex, but 'fucking' is our favourite. There's just something hot, erotic and sexy about it; it conjures images of late nights and moody lights and basking in a deliciously decadent afterglow. We're fans of getting to the point without beating around the bush, and 'fuck' encapsulates that perfectly. There's a common myth that the word Fuck originated as an acronym, and stands for 'Fornication Under Consent of the King'. This is almost certainly bullshit. As Melissa Mohr says in her excellent book Holy Shit: A Brief History of Swearing, the word 'fuck' is of Germanic origin, related to Dutch, German and Swedish words for 'to strike' and 'to move back and forth'. There's certainly something Germanic about the inherently direct and straightforward nature of the word, but the act of fucking is absolutely universal.

Fetish and kissing

Kissing seems like a big deal to us when we're teenagers, but as we grow older, it can start to lose a little of its mystique. It's a great shame because it's a wonderful way to build intimacy between partners, and without it, sex can start to feel a little impersonal. In a fetish context, there are plenty of ways to make kissing a part of your dynamic. Kissing someone who is tied up can add to the sensual feeling of helplessness, for example, while kissing a blindfolded person all over their body will keep them wanting more and make them unsure what to expect. It can also form an important part of aftercare, helping you to reconnect with your partner on a cosier level after an encounter that may have been quite emotionally intense.