Orgasm and Cum Control: 3 Ways to Play

Love orgasm or cum control or wanna know more about it? We asked Stella Harris to give her top three ways to use orgasm control in your kinky play, starting with less intense practices and then more hardcore versions.

Orgasm control is typically found in D/s relationships, but that certainly isn’t a requirement. Exerting a bit of control over a partner’s pleasure can be fun in any relationship dynamic. In fact, playing with a bit of tease and orgasm denial is a great way to increase pleasure. People are often in such a rush to reach orgasm, that a lot of pleasure can be missed along the way.

Orgasm and cum control: 3 ideas

Here are three ways you can try orgasm and cum control with your partner/s:

1. Asking permission to cum

There are a few ways to play with orgasm and cum control. One way is that one partner is touching another and they keep slowing down when their partner is close to orgasm (like with edging). The partner being touched needs to ask permission to cum, and the other partner may – or may not – give permission.

In kink circles you sometimes hear about this going wrong. Someone might become so accustomed to waiting for permission to orgasm, that when the relationship ends (and there’s no one to ask) they have a hard time reaching climax. Taking that kind of conditioning even further, some people incorporate erotic hypnosis.

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“Eric would sometimes repeat ‘relax,’ saying it over and over again to turn me to putty in his arms, like a kitten or someone well-cuddled on the verge of sleep. Or he would simply come around a corner and pin my arms behind my back and growl ‘relax,’ and commandingly, ‘cum.’ He could have me writhing for hours without ever really touching me.” - Victoria

Want to cum? Beg for it!

2. Distance can make the orgasm harder

In other cases people use orgasm control to spice up a long distance relationship, or simply times when they’re away from their partner. A bit of cum control can easily be added to your sexting repertoire.

“There are a few ways to play with orgasm and cum control. One way is that one partner is touching another and they keep slowing down when their partner is close to orgasm.”

There are even sex toys that help facilitate this kind of play. The We-Vibe and OhMiBod can be controlled via a phone app, and that can add a lot of spice to a phone call or video chat. Watch the video below for some more tips on how to make long-distance BDSM work.

Cum control in long-distance relationships

For some, orgasm control becomes a main feature of the sexual relationship, even including something like a locked cock cage. This kind of orgasm and cum control play can be very intense, as it heightens feelings of vulnerability and frustration, and should only be engaged in after thorough negotiation and with an aftercare plan in place.

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3. ***d orgasm

Another more extreme form of cum and orgasm control – that’s especially popular in kinky porn – is ***d orgasm. With ***d orgasm in this instance, the receiver of touch is typically in highly restrictive bondage, and the stimulation is usually intense, such as a Magic Wand combined with penetration, or even someone tied to a Sybian machine.

These scenarios in ***d orgasm often incorporate other elements as well, either getting close and denying the orgasm, or requiring permission to be obtained before orgasm.

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“For me, orgasm control and orgasm denial can be not only a hot way to confirm a power dynamic, but a way of establishing emotional safety (and keeping an eye on cleanliness/cleanup) in a given sexual interaction. When having sex with partners with penises, if they surrender control of their orgasms, I am empowered to choose if and when I will be dealing with potential fluid sharing, ejaculate clean-up, and/or the refractory period of an erection I may be enjoying. I also enjoy the power that comes with being able to give affirmative consent to the question of someone orgasming in or on my body – the act of being asked and saying 'yes' helps me bit by bit to reclaim power and heal from past trauma and experiences of feeling silenced in sexual situations.“ - Calico

Stella Harris is a writer, BDSM educator, and sex & intimacy coach. Through her writing and teaching she explores the complex world of love and lust and helps people explore their desires safely and free of shame.

Want to add orgasm control to your play? Whether it's orgasm denial or ***d orgasm – start your journey here on Fetish.com for free!