Molly’s BDSM Tips | Exploring Mutual Masturbation

As we move into masturbation month this May, our Molly returns with some handy advice for one FET member who would like to explore mutual masturbation with their partner, but is having a hard time feeling confident about it. What does Molly say?

Dear Molly,
My partner really likes the idea of mutual masturbation. He says he wants to watch me touch myself while he does the same. I can see how it might be sexy, but I also feel terribly self-conscious about doing it. I love watching my partner touch himself, but I keep thinking I'll look weird when it comes to me. Do you have any suggestions on how I get over this and enjoy sharing this experience with my partner?
Miss Shy

Dear Miss Shy,
In most people’s minds, masturbation is a solitary affair. While masturbation is something you do by yourself, there are also many benefits to exploring masturbation with a partner to improve your sex life and bring you closer together. It's an activity that many people don't think of when it comes to partnered sex - but are totally missing out on something wonderful! So you wanting to explore this with your partner is a great goal to have, and I have some thoughts on how you can embrace mutual masturbation.

Why mutual masturbation is good for your sex life

Rather than framing this activity as simply something your partner wants to do because they think it's hot (which is still a valid reason), considering why you might want to explore mutual masturbation may help you feel more open to the idea.

Some of the key benefits to mutual masturbation are:

Mutual masturbation can help you to get to know your partner's body even more than you do now. How they like to be touched, the little nuances of how they hold their hand or where exactly they place their fingers. The better you know your partner's body, the better sex is likely to be.
Likewise, mutual masturbation can help your partner get to know your body even better than they do now. Just as you learn about them, they learn about you and can use that knowledge to give you pleasure.
It can help put the spark back into things, which also applies to lots of new stuff you decide to explore together. And if the spark isn't missing, well, more sparks are always a good thing!
Mutual masturbation is a bonding and intimate experience.
Mutual masturbation can be an excellent opportunity to share fantasies and introduce sex toys into your sex life.

Spend some time watching yourself

Feeling self-conscious or worrying that you might look silly is something that many people can relate to. Masturbating while someone watches can feel like letting someone into a space that has always been private, but one thing to remember is that this isn't just you doing it but your partner too.

You say you have watched your partner before. Do you think they look silly, or do you think they are hot and sexy when they touch themselves? Now imagine them seeing you through that lens.

It can also be advantageous to try watching yourself. That could either be in a mirror or filming yourself and playing it back. I would personally advise the mirror option because you see it as it happens and matches with how it feels and what it looks like. Also, videos can feel very exposing in a whole different way.

Place the mirror somewhere that feels comfortable. Perhaps you only want to watch between your legs and not see your face, for example. I've discovered that watching myself masturbate is a huge turn-on and, in the past, has helped me articulate to lovers how I like to be touched because of how well I know my body.

Under the covers

If you're still feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable about letting in your partner, why not start doing it under the covers? Lay together with a sheet or duvet over you, and wank off together. The bed covers should give you some privacy, thus helping build your confidence and experience how sexy mutual masturbation can be - hopefully leading you to feel braver and eventually cast the covers aside.

Express your worries

Talking is probably the most important thing, really. Share your worries with your partner. Be absolutely honest with them about how you feel about it and that you want to try, but you're not sure you're ready right now. Talk through the ideas I have suggested and maybe see if they have any further suggestions. Having an open and honest conversation with them will help you to develop trust and be more comfortable when it comes to trying mutual masturbation out. Communication is the key to great sex and great mutual masturbation fun.
Good luck!
Molly x

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