Long Term Relationships

[Deleted Member]

I've been on the site for over a month and I'm wondering if people have found long term relationships here or through the BDSM community. Did you start slowly and build anticipation? Did you get together quickly and just stay together? Please share your thoughts on how likely you think LTRs occur through BDSM.

[Deleted Member]

Took me about 3 months to find someone I connected with I guess it's time and honesty will make you find what balances you

[bo****]

Personally the only want short term with me ever

[Te****]

I can't speak to what the guy side of this app is like, but the woman side is mostly *** scammers. I have only encountered a very very few amount of women here that are authentic but nothing ever happened with them.

[Le****]

I did. Ended after a year though. We were far away, met in Paris and kept traveling to see each other. All started on a chat on this app

[bo****]

7 minutes ago, TeardropGreen said:

I can't speak to what the guy side of this app is like, but the woman side is mostly *** scammers. I have only encountered a very very few amount of women here that are authentic but nothing ever happened with them.

Facts

[J_****]

Having no luck what so every..

[wa****]

Met my ex wife on alt.com back when it was good like 16 years ago.

Started pretty fast and eventually got married. But like most things it fizzled out and ended.

[Ar****]

The longest dynamic I've found through this site probably lasted the best part of a year, whereas the only what I would term "relationship" (in terms of meeting family, doing the bf/gf labels, talking about a potential future together etc) I've had as a result of this site was six months long.

A great many people I know are in LTRs in BDSM (and that's what I hope to find), but I've become sceptical as to how likely it now is to find it here.

It used to be the case that people started relatively slowly, often got to know and get a feel for each other from the various forums before even considering interacting in personal DMs. Even for those that didn't use the forums, the odds were that if you sent a message it would get opened. If you had a decent grasp of the art of conversation, weren't ***tergunning, and could provide an interesting introduction, you'd generally receive quite a good response rate. For me these led to making some great friends, some interactions which were more, and some which were simply passing conversations.

Those days are long gone. The territory has changed, and not for the better. I won't presume to write about the female experience of approaching men here (yes guys it DOES happen, from authentic women who are not fake or after your ***). But since the launch of the app and rapid expansion of the membership (many of whom do not understand the kink community), women's inboxes are absolutely flooded with dross - unsolicited and vile d*ck pics, ***, fantasies, propositions etc and well as less obvious disrespect and copy-paste messages which have had little or no thought put into them. It simply isn't reasonable to expect every message to be opened, let alone processed or replied to.

So it is that we have the situation we've been in for a while. Women are overwhelmed by the traffic (and content of such traffic) coming into their inboxes, and too many men grumble that women are "timewasters" or "stringing them along".

I've gone on a bit of a tangent there, the point I'm trying to make is that the result is everybody finds it harder to make an authentic, practical, compatible connection with a potential LTR partner. I don't know what the solution is.

I'm not giving up though. I know it can happen. I've seen it. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. In the meanwhile, the friends I've made along the way make it all worthwhile. Besides, there are always munches and events to meet your future partner at 😉

Edited March 15 by Aranhis
Spelling

[Co****]

I met my ex-wife on alt*. She wore my collar and we were married for 15 years. It’s certainly possible to have a long term relationship in the BDSM community and, in fact, I think the level of attention and communication requires in this sort of relationship makes a lasting relationship easier. That said, finding a lasting relationship isn’t simple - with or without kink.

Edited March 16 by FETMOD-TF
*External link removed

[Co****]

Also, now that I’m single again, I’m finding that all dating sites are full of crypto scammers and catfish. That doesn’t mean that there is nobody real. I’d wager that just about everyone who posts on the forum, for instance, is real as these discussions don’t have any appeal to the scammers.

[Sh****]

I think the level of trust and communication required to make a BDSM dynamic work, certainly length itself to long-term relationships. You can’t have a healthy relationship without trust and open communication after all, whether or not you’ll find that on a forum who can say?  

[De****]

No luck yet

[Se****]

14 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

The longest dynamic I've found through this site probably latest the best part of a year, whereas the only what I would term "relationship" (in terms of meeting family, doing the bf/gf labels, talking about a potential future together etc) I've had as a result of this site was six months long.

A great many people I know are in LTRs in BDSM (and that's what I hope to find), but I've become sceptical as to how likely it now is to find it here.

It used to be the case that people started relatively slowly, often got to know and get a feel for each other from the various forums before even considering interacting in personal DMs. Even for those that didn't use the forums, the odds were that if you sent a message it would get opened. If you had a decent grasp of the art of conversation, weren't ***tergunning, and could provide an interesting introduction, you'd generally receive quite a good response rate. For me these led to making some great friends, some interactions which were more, and some which were simply passing conversations.

Those days are long gone. The territory has changed, and not for the better. I won't presume to write about the female experience of approaching men here (yes guys it DOES happen, from authentic women who are not fake or after your ***). But since the launch of the app and rapid expansion of the membership (many of whom do not understand the kink community), women's inboxes are absolutely flooded with dross - unsolicited and vile d*ck pics, ***, fantasies, propositions etc and well as less obvious disrespect and copy-paste messages which have had little or no thought put into them. It simply isn't reasonable to expect every message to be opened, let alone processed or replied to.

So it is that we have the situation we've been in for a while. Women are overwhelmed by the traffic (and content of such traffic) coming into their inboxes, and too many men grumble that women are "timewasters" or "stringing them along".

I've gone on a bit of a tangent there, the point I'm trying to make is that the result is everybody finds it harder to make an authentic, practical, compatible connection with a potential LTR partner. I don't know what the solution is.

I'm not giving up though. I know it can happen. I've seen it. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. In the meanwhile, the friends I've made along the way make it all worthwhile. Besides, there are always munches and events to meet your future partner at 😉

I’m baggsying you as mine if we’re both still single when we’re 50, is that ok? X

[Deleted Member]

It just takes a lot of patience, vetting and sifting through all the ones that you aren't compatible with and along the way you meet some great people eventually you will find your person😊

[Deleted Member]

My previous LTR was from a NSA meet up but when we met in person we just clicked. Lasted 6 years - I would agree with the comments on here that when you enter into something with someone from the kink community often you’re connecting on such a deep level with trust and open communication that it can lead to something really special.

[k-****]

Not yet no.

[Je****]

Yes. I met my partner on here via the chat room.
Had similar interests in kink but liked each other as people first.
Decided to talk as friends though. Had a lot in common, flirted, met as we lived 300 ish miles apart .. got on well and started a relationship

We have the odd kink element here and there.. but it's now been 3.5yr and we live together now :)
So good things can and do happen.
Anything kink or bdsm we do is a bonus.
Gotta have that good chemistry, attraction and compatibility as people, kink and sexually in my opinion. Then you can't go wrong.

[Deleted Member]

I met someone on FetLife in 2020. Actually, we didn’t meet until she called me crying saying her roommate/ex was acting weird with her and she felt in danger. I didn’t even know her but I decided to go over there because she had no one. I ended up hanging out with her and protecting her for the night. We started a very intense 2 year relationship out of that. Had so much fun with her going to munches here in Houston. I was surrounded by fellow members of the lifestyle and it was a great 2 years. She moved to San Antonio to be with her family and we grew apart. I think about her often and I am very greatful to have had that experience. It’s pretty cool to be in a kinky relationship with someone you share this lifestyle with. But like the gentleman before my comment stated, finding a lasting relationship in or out of the lifestyle isn’t easy. Good luck. Hope you find what you’re looking for.

[Deleted Member]

It must be my area because I have very little success. I'm mostly ghosted, a LOT. Tons of read and never responded opening messages usually consisting of Hey there or complimenting a bio or photo.

When I do get matches, they seem to always end up being crazy in some way or another, or they are men masquerading in female profiles 🙄

Not much success as of yet. I would very much like a DDLG or BDSM long term relationship and potential marriage

[Li****]

Honestly, it's my biggest aim here. To ultimately find the forever person for a relationship and kink dynamic in one.
I'll hold out, though. I'm yet to even find either first and finding people who are committed to a LTR now a days all in, is like a needle in a barn of haystacks 😹😹😅😅🥺🤦🏼‍♀️

[Ca****]

Haven't found anybody with Actual everything

[Ca****]

Everybody wants to do a fantasy thing

[Do****]

I haven’t even talked to anyone on this let alone met them in person. It’s been a year now. I am certain it’s me and not the site.

[Br****]

I've been having trouble feeling a good connection since it's all small talk online sadly.