Full-on 24/7 Total Power Exchange is a favoured fantasy for a lot of kinksters - but for some, the reality isn’t necessarily how they want to live their lives. Writer Abi Brown suggests eight easy ways to use BDSM tasks so you can enjoy everyday kink outside the bedroom.


Get a remote-controlled vibrator

Remote-controlled vibrators are a lot better than they used to be. They come in all kinds of models now, including some that are suitable for a variety of genital configurations. Put a bit of effort into finding one that’s pretty quiet and has a decent amount of range on the remote.



These devices are great for enjoying everyday kink. Use your remote-controlled vibe for date night dinners, boring train journeys and trips to the cinema. Everything will suddenly become much more interesting. 

Take control of your sub’s look for the day

Simply telling someone what to wear is an act of dominance and control that adds a certain frisson to getting dressed in the morning. You don’t need to ask them to relinquish control of what they wear to work unless that’s what you both want. But you can tell them what to wear around the house, or on a date with you. Additionally, you could spice things up by choosing the underwear the put on beneath a staid, boring business suit. 


Invest in a day collar

Everyday kink uses something that reminds your sub exactly who they belong to. It's a lovely idea - and one that can be extremely romantic, if you want to present it that way. There are plenty of people making pretty, delicate, subtle chokers and necklaces, many of which are lockable. It doesn’t have to be something that goes around their throat either; a ring or a bracelet can be just as good.



Experiment with kegel balls and cock rings

Depending on your sub’s genitalia, you’re bound to be able to find some kind of sex toy they can leave on or inside them while they go about their daily business. Both ben wa balls and cock rings are subtle enough to use anywhere. Moreover, these are perfect for making every day a little more interesting for both of you, even when you aren’t around.

Learn a few under-clothes rope ties

Bondage aficionados have plenty of tricks up their sleeves for this everyday kink. There are several simple, common bondage ties that can be worn under clothing by a sub who’s out in public. They’ll be constantly aware, but nobody around them will be any the wiser! A basic body or breast harness is a good way to enjoy your kink in public, discreetly, and you might be surprised by how easy they are to rig.


BDSM tasks: a woman wears a daily collar
Wearing a collar can be part of your sub's BDSM tasks. Image: Grendelkhan via Flickr.com CC BY 2.0 license


Set your sub a few BDSM tasks

A few things to get done during the day can be a thrilling thought. The tasks needn’t be huge or difficult. They can be overtly sexual (“go for a walk outside with nipple clamps under your t-shirt and send me a photo to prove it.”) The BDSM tasks could also be related to domestic service (“have all the vacuuming done by the time I get home from work.”) Another option is for them to be linked to the wellbeing of your sub (“drink all eight glasses of water while you’re out today.”)

Instigate a daily photo rule

I once had a Dominant who had me perform different BDSM tasks, and one was to send him a new, different, slightly risqué photo every day for the whole time we were together. At the time, I had a pretty itinerant sort of life, so I had to get creative.




Cleavage shots were taken with my netbook webcam during lectures while I was pretending to be taking notes. Hastily arranged full-frontals in friends’ bathrooms and mini vibrators on trains all featured at some point or another. It kept that aspect of my medium-distance relationship at the forefront of my mind a lot of the time. I enjoyed having a rule to follow and consequences to be thrillingly wary of.

Stop being so damn polite all the time

As you’ve probably noticed, I’m English. If there’s one thing that defines our cultural identity above all others, it seems to be our dedication to maintaining at least an outward veneer of extreme politeness.I have a cousin with perfect French and a flawless accent who tells me that the thing that most often gets her spotted as English is how often she adds 's'il vous plaît' onto the end of her sentences.

That’s all well and good in polite company - but sometimes, when it’s just you and your submissive, you can create a wonderful atmosphere with a sense of entitlement. You’re not asking them to start cooking dinner or bring you a drink, after all - you’re telling them to cook it as one of their BDSM tasks.

Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. 

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I found this to quite informative, and have instigated the daily photograph rule with my submissive lady.  

I have also joined the BDSM forum and are looking forward to more articles along a similar vein.


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Great article! Respectful of the sub, but also showing dominance in concrete and actionable ways.

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I know my tasks, but the most Important one is be up and awake for Owner when She goes to work. which I do not miss! :)

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Does anyone have a belly fetish I.e weight gain (female)

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