Yearning for something lost

[Li****]

I miss dates. Not hook ups. Dates. Getting to know each other, taking your time, building that Trust. What happened to that? Now, it's all about hookups, immediate gratification, and onto the next one. Like friggin roulette. Isn't it important, ESPECIALLY in this community to build trust? Instead of taking time for bonding, it seems most just wanna skip to the....Bonding cx

If you don't put out or anything on FIRST MEET or are willing to, most just ghost you. It's sad. Maybe it's cuz I haven't tried dating for almost 7 years. Maybe it's cuz the world is changed and I'm a recluse. But I yearn for that. An ACTUAL connection and bond. Maybe even BEFORE being collared, or seeing me nakie. Is that too much to ask these days? Has dating culture moved past that in the digital age? Do I need to upgrade?

[Ph****]

You could just not date and focus on that kid.

[ge****]

Keep your standards high baby girl… don’t put out on the first or the forth date… you know when there’s chemistry… you just need to be willing to communicate and set the bar high. You have two gentlemen saying essentially the same thing… PhuzzieSlippers sounds like a good guy, I know I am. Make what YOU WANT HAPPEN!

[ro****]

There are people out there that want what you want, it's just harder to find. But it's not worth changing to fit other people when you don't want that.

[ju****]

Rocha on hook ups one after thr other? Where is this taking place?? Lol im ready to leave this and and other sites as well...im done with this crap

[De****]

I've had a similar feeling about my experiences. It's disheartening. It's true that the world is changing. Personally, I'm not giving up, though. Everyday there's a new Dawn. Some days Fortune will smile on me. I believe they'll smile on you

[sa****]

y'all ladies forever have been treating sex as transactional: ya want a 1950s man who is the breadwinner, makes more *** than you, pays all your bills, does ALL the labor and planning and effort; ya want a 1970s man who accepts your 'freedom' to choose, a man who treats you as an equal, a man cool with you hoing around cuz sexual liberation; and then you want a modern emmasculated man who has to put up with all the entitled mistreatment of men. you want all the privileges of a pure loyal woman without actually putting any effort into being those things. ya think just cuz you a woman you hot, ya shame men for opening up with their feelings after lamenting that "REAL" MEN do this or that, yall delusional beyond measure.

so of course when the only thing of value you offer us is sex, we gonna be pooking to "score" sooner rather than later cuz ya just not worth putting up with all the other bullshit ya put us through.

[De****]

"satyr4nymphos"

You need a cup of chamomile, a nap, a hug, and some therapy

Your baggage is yours - no one else's
No one is a screen for your story - stop protecting
Unhappy with your partners - be more discerning
Unhappy with rejection - be more resilient
Intimidated by empowered women - be more interesting. Be more safe. Be more empathetic.
Be more.

Be.
A.
Man.

You have the profile of a drunken frat 20 year old.
You write like a seventh grader.
And you have the attachment style of a toddler.

It's very clear that you hate women.
It's very clear that you haven't had a normal conversation, let alone a normal relationship, with a woman.
Freud could have a field day with you.
I mean, hell, if your f***ing was anything like your prose; you couldn't hit the G-spot on an 80lbs vagina.

The only thing you should have done before your tirade was stop, pause, reflect, and ask yourself this question:

"Would You let a daughter of yours date someone like You?"

[Da****]

Currently in a situationship that’s a “slow burn” for complicated reasons. But totally enjoying taking it slow.

Bring back dates

[La****]

I'm with you. Most of the men on here are just fuck boys and they are so fucking boring. They blur into the same person because they're all like little masturbating monkeys just intent on getting off with no recognition that a deeper connection is what leads to the most fantastic dynamics.

[pc****]

Lately I’m starting to like getting dates with singles ladies just to chat and have a nice time no pretending nothing and i just fuck with others without date and nothing

[pc****]

Singles friends*

[No****]

3 hours ago, Derin1776 said:

"satyr4nymphos"

You need a cup of chamomile, a nap, a hug, and some therapy

Your baggage is yours - no one else's
No one is a screen for your story - stop protecting
Unhappy with your partners - be more discerning
Unhappy with rejection - be more resilient
Intimidated by empowered women - be more interesting. Be more safe. Be more empathetic.
Be more.

Be.
A.
Man.

You have the profile of a drunken frat 20 year old.
You write like a seventh grader.
And you have the attachment style of a toddler.

It's very clear that you hate women.
It's very clear that you haven't had a normal conversation, let alone a normal relationship, with a woman.
Freud could have a field day with you.
I mean, hell, if your f***ing was anything like your prose; you couldn't hit the G-spot on an 80lbs vagina.

The only thing you should have done before your tirade was stop, pause, reflect, and ask yourself this question:

"Would You let a daughter of yours date someone like You?"

Thank you for that - its exactly what I thought.

Unrelated to this escapade and more on topic - I miss dating, too. Even with guys that made it seem like theyre looking for a connection it boiled down to "lets f***" very quickly. It is kinda disappointing since a Dom/Sub relationship needs more trust building than having a coffee together and immediately get down to it.

[Deleted Member]

Online dating is _exhausting_. I keep being told to meet people doing hobbies/interests but that isn't working either (most of the folks into my hobbies are already taken and I try not to shit in my own backyard). Folks either don't read or ignore profiles (so why bother having one?), they don't fill out their own and then say they are an "open book". I'm _here_ because I have kink/alt-relationship needs, not Tinder or vanilla needs. The type of folks that I would like, and who would like me, are the type that do read profiles, do want to move through the layers of trust, do want a relationship of some kind.

Ignore the bozos above that are haranguing you for having some _basic_ standards

[Deleted Member]

Vetting/courting (however the old fashioned term) online loses something in communication when getting to know one another. Friendships can absolutely be maintained online but with building a dynamic or romantic relationship, expectations in the form of wants/needs can be misunderstood or misinterpretted very easily plus you can't find out much about their physical personality i.e. how are your/their conversational skills in person, things like punctuality, how you/they express themselves or handle conflicts when infront of eachother. Plus, why would you want to miss out on the feelings you get when you see eachother smile or laugh?

[ey****]

I always find threads like this fascinating.

Though, I'm sorry for your negative experiences.

Cos like, this is a problem.  There's men who will often complain they can't get replies, or people will reply then stop or won't meet, or yada yada - but then the flip is often, "actually - it's hard for us, when most guys want to skip to the hook-up, that even a coffee has to be a 'coffee and see where it goes', never a coffee - and even then it's just the cheapest form of date they can think of - and if it looks like we won't put out, they ghost or are already trying it on with someone they think will"

And I know this isn't what you said, and I'm paraphrasing, but this is something I've heard variants on many times in the past few years. 

 

[Deleted Member]

That's how I feel as well. I hate to be this way, but at this point, I just see who's going to be different and last longer than a few minutes of conversation. Who will ask different questions than ones that can be answered by reading my profile. Anyone who mentions physical appearance in the first message usually doesn't even get a response unless their profile captures my attention. I put in my profile to not expect hookups or physical things until after a few meet-ups, and when I'm comfortable with it, but people just don't take the time to read profiles anymore. I always assumed it was my demi side that needed that connection and communication, but I'm aware that I deserve better. We deserve to have our needs recognized and met. Trust takes time to build the relationship and dynamic, and I laugh any time a 'dom' tries to get me to submit immediately without even meeting.

I don't know if you go to any local munches, but those have been great to socialize, build friendships, and make those connections. My introverted self was terrified to go to my first one, but it has gotten easier over time.

[Wi****]

That is the way it should be. Unfortunately, a lot of people use BDSM sites as hookup sites.
It hasn't got a lot to do with BDSM and you will find that the majority of those looking for a real life relationship, will let people know on their profile that they aren't interested in hookups.

[Mi****]

I always ALWAYS say a first meet is just for vibes. Because not only do you never know if your chemistry will be as well in person verses online, but for me personally, I NEED a connection to have sex. So that means chatting, and talking for a while. Getting to know someone, maybe not super personally, but enough to build a trust on letting someone just CASUALLY touch my body is super hard. Between anxiety and trauma and everything in this world, who doesn't need that time for communication and connections first?

Not to say people couldn't have hookups in this community, that's part of some kinks and lifestyles. But nowadays vetting your potential partner is so important becutye internet can connect so many people super fast.

I want the cute dates before a real play date! I want a coffee shop first meet up to talk about life, slip in some kinks, and feel the vibes. I want the sitting in a park away from people but in public still so we can talk kink and still be safe. I want cheap dinners so we can plan scenes and pull out papers and compair in hushed voices. Public most of all, for safety. That's our community. SAFETY.

[Ra****]

8 hours ago, satyr4nymphos said:

y'all ladies forever have been treating sex as transactional: ya want a 1950s man who is the breadwinner, makes more *** than you, pays all your bills, does ALL the labor and planning and effort; ya want a 1970s man who accepts your 'freedom' to choose, a man who treats you as an equal, a man cool with you hoing around cuz sexual liberation; and then you want a modern emmasculated man who has to put up with all the entitled mistreatment of men. you want all the privileges of a pure loyal woman without actually putting any effort into being those things. ya think just cuz you a woman you hot, ya shame men for opening up with their feelings after lamenting that "REAL" MEN do this or that, yall delusional beyond measure.

so of course when the only thing of value you offer us is sex, we gonna be pooking to "score" sooner rather than later cuz ya just not worth putting up with all the other bullshit ya put us through.

Have you actually listened to what women are asking for? I'm sorry for the hurt you have obviously experienced, but your take away is way off.

[Tw****]

The mass commodification of free time, maybe...? People are so rushed off their feet that they no longer know how to take 30 mins to just breathe. They have every second of their life filled with stuff to draw attention.

I once made a load of catfish profiles on the big dating apps to try understand the app game and MY GOD!! That changed my approach to women online... Imagine this guy's!

" you wake up every morning to 200+ new msgs/likes, dick pics flow out of your inbox like sand in an hourglass.
80% of those msgs are the same copy paste 'ima thirsty boi' msgs.
5% are from some neanderthal who literally lives in a cave and wants to buy you (yes but you!),
5% are nothing but 'hey'
And the final 9% are the kind of messages people get ***ed for saying out loud IRL.
Then there is the 1%... 1 measley % of a potential guy who isn't nuts. And crap. Half of them want to show you how to buy crypto...
So 0.5% of 200 is 1 person.
1 person daily who is likely not a ***er or psychotic... Likely. And do you live near you? Probably not...

For men dating apps are pretty similar but you have to pay for the privilege of finding out everyone else is mental...


Hope this makes someone laugh but it's also very true.. 😬

[Tw****]

Long story short. Start asking people out in the street. It's safer that way...

[DAGDA]

Strange comments. Yes, you should get to know a Master well before committing. People forget it is about a BDSM RELATIONSHIP

[Do****]

I had a date with a potential subby today and they didn’t show! I don’t usually do a date before a kinky play.

[Om****]

I feel this so much. Being demi and Sapio makes it tough to find someone.