Yearning for something lost

[sm****]

The art of dating has almost been destroyed with the instant gratification brought by the anonymity of online.  Both kink and vanilla, this goes for both sexes.  Just look and hear from both sexs the horrors of Tinder and POF etc.   

[Deleted Member]

I also have been feeling this lately. So much so that my status reflects my disdain for the lack of ACTUAL connection step, on this, and many other, platforms. Apparently ALL social media platforms are now just "hook up" sights. 🫤 I know I have been companioned for the last 20 years, but even fb and IG inboxes are from rando people proposing "hooking up". I think I like my solo journey enough to stay on it for a bit longer while continuing my kink education 😂

[Tw****]

Also 99% sure that 75% of propositions are just AI agents being used for fish for fucks... Nobody seems to address this issue in social media platforms but it's becoming more likely every human will switch off and the bots will be left trying to hookup with each other...

[ki****]

So do I. 😔

[Mo****]

Ppl do what we let them do. Theres plenty of ppl out there that do this as a norm even poly ppl and swingers and enm that practice this style of dating. Knowing how to nurture a friendship should be on everyone’s to do list imo

[ey****]

7 hours ago, TwistedTreat69 said:

I once made a load of catfish profiles on the big dating apps to try understand the app game and MY GOD!! That changed my approach to women online... Imagine this guy's!

so - like, sometimes I think it's interesting that men would sooner create catfish accounts (and thus subsequently adding to the negative experience other guys receive) rather than, well, believing women

but I generally think the issue at hand is more that any form of experiment or research there is only ever half done

that for example some of the "hey" messages should be replied to (I mean, the sender *might* be great) or some of the other messages should receive a polite message declining - both for the extra labour this causes (which some men expect women to burden) and how the other person then reacts/responds. 

[Tw****]

Believing women? I didn't do it because I don't trust women. I did it to find out how to get noticed In the ocean of desperate sad men screaming for attention... The truth is. You can't. The apps are designed with payment priority structures which means whoever pays more goes to the top of the women's inbox. Very much feels like a brothel, pay to progress...

[ey****]

So yeah - websites are ultimately a business, and many tried to run without working out how to make *** and they all went bust  

So dating sites kinda tread the line between, well we want people to be able to use for free, but we want a few little incentives for people to pay to upgrade.  Mind, as we found on another thread - sometimes men get angry if they pay to upgrade and people won't meet them.

Dating sites also have to kind of work to be sustainable.  Cos otherwise folk cancel their membership (sometimes triggering refunds - which is expensive for the site) and don't return - mind, by irony, if someone does meet someone and they become mono life partners then the person doesn't return on a paid basis either - but, luckily(?) at least from a business perspective - dating and forging relationships is actually hard, for everyone.

It's no more a 'brothel' than taking a higher level of Netflix because you don't want ads.

However, women will do threads like this where they're saying what they're *actually* looking for, the types of behaviours they find off-putting, and yes the dreaded inbox and how seemingly reasonable people respond when you tell them 'no'.

 

For standing out - a lot does depend on the format of the site.  But, often this is something which is easier/better again if partaking in a local kink community - both in exposure to more people (who you know are real, they're there) and experience it brings

But, the minimum bar for messaging is really low.  And there are many threads and posts like this where women share frustrations - and between being selective on who you message and making sure a message is above the bar, then even not getting a response you know you put in reasonable effort and there's good chance that will be appreciated, even if not necessarily acknowledged

But the main thing on any trench is patience.  

 

[Li****]

Oh, I totally understand this and agree. I don't like the hookup culture and slipping to bed so quickly then the next one but they get their leg over and that's that. I hate the misleading that they want anything serious with you or to be "dom" but in reality, it's a fantasised hookup for them and then ghost job😹💀
Can't take them seriously but I'm sure there's better out there still. Keep wanting what you want and the right person/people may show eventually!

[Deleted Member]

Oh how I felt this post into my bones.... I stayed away from the community for a while to work on some things. Personally, I came back in to this new generation who seemingly came strong with hormones... muggles looking for instant gratification, nothing to be worked on and no connectionships, just a fun fuck in the hotel room or at the park in his car. Mind you it's ok for those into it but don't JUST come that way to everyone thinking it's a cookie cutter world. I miss the days when people gave a crap about their reputation. Especially within the community. Please don't change to the new world the old school will miss you.

[fl****]

Perhaps this is because the people who seek connection aren't as fun to talk to as the experienced handlers who know how to take things where they want. There are plenty who seek connection but they aren't sexy enough to be "the one" and the ones that are sexy enough don't want the commitment and missed opportunities that come with building a deeper connection. I might be completely wrong, but the women are complaining as well as the men on this topic and we can all agree it sucks.

[Tw****]

@flipflop you make a good point. Maybe these apps need to run on the "song, marry, avoid" rating system? It's really shallow but would make these apps a lot more functional and less wishy washy...

[fl****]

10 minutes ago, TwistedTreat69 said:

@flipflop you make a good point. Maybe these apps need to run on the "song, marry, avoid" rating system? It's really shallow but would make these apps a lot more functional and less wishy washy...

I like the sound of that. Without getting into conspiracies I will say that this AI driven push for perfection based on preselected data points is the dating equivalent of a scientist claiming they perfected farming but they grow everything inside of a controlled environment using fixed weather cycles. That "BDSM Test" is about as useful to me as a Korean dictionary in the hands of a German tourist.

[ey****]

19 hours ago, flipflopfarmer said:

Perhaps this is because the people who seek connection aren't as fun to talk to as the experienced handlers who know how to take things where they want. There are plenty who seek connection but they aren't sexy enough to be "the one" and the ones that are sexy enough don't want the commitment and missed opportunities that come with building a deeper connection. I might be completely wrong, but the women are complaining as well as the men on this topic and we can all agree it sucks.

Couple of trenches

the first is of course everyone is here for different reasons and that's not necessarily bad.

It's OK to be here for a hook up, or play, or yep "the one"

But how people interact doesn't always align with what they say they're looking for.   Equally, if you are looking for "the one" and interacting with someone also looking for "the one" then being "sexy enough" isn't an issue.  Because you're looking for someone you can connect with who you have things in common with, and they're doing the same.    "Sexy" only really becomes a factor for people after a quick fuck (and, even then, it depends on how much they want that fuck)

 

There was a guy on another thread who was complaining no one was here for a connection - he'd been here a week.  I think sometimes there's unreasonable expectations from guys around "connections" and this affects the experience of the women.  Like when guys say they're suddenly blocked or ghosted when they felt things were "going well" and actually, they weren't going well.  The woman was replying his messages and that made him FEEL there was a connection and he'd built up an idea in his head - but in essence she didn't feel the same way, especially if for example the messages were the small talk hell "How are you?", "How was your day?", "WYD?" and I'm not saying there's never a place for these questions - but they often put the bulk of the conversation onto the woman and this is something that gets tiring and often fails to demonstrate an interest in them. These are questions you ask your co-worker to get through the morning niceties, not someone you're optimisitic you might spend the rest of your life with, not something you persist with someone you hope will meet you for a drink, play, whatever.

The thing kinda, for stufff to work you need stuff in common, stuff you can talk about in public, outside play, etc especially if you want any form of long term relationship.   

The simplest... be interested.  Be inquiring.  Talk with them about shared interests? If you don't know what they are, ask them about music, TV, sport, books, food, whatever.  If you're interested, take an interest.  You'll find they'll do the same and that's how connections are formed.

 

 

[ju****]

I think this site is a bunch of bullshit nobody knows what they want. It might be right in front of him and they just say no. Not interested without giving somebody a chance you can't really know what somebody's about reading on a website compared to being in person people are different behind the keyboard and a lot of people are full of shit

[Om****]

3 hours ago, juaan365 said:

I think this site is a bunch of bullshit nobody knows what they want. It might be right in front of him and they just say no. Not interested without giving somebody a chance you can't really know what somebody's about reading on a website compared to being in person people are different behind the keyboard and a lot of people are full of shit

I don't disagree. But the irony of your comment coming from someone with no pic tickled me.

[Wi****]

10 hours ago, juaan365 said:

I think this site is a bunch of bullshit nobody knows what they want. It might be right in front of him and they just say no. Not interested without giving somebody a chance you can't really know what somebody's about reading on a website compared to being in person people are different behind the keyboard and a lot of people are full of shit

I was thinking the same exact thing.

[Wi****]

7 hours ago, OmninerdandKitten said:

I don't disagree. But the irony of your comment coming from someone with no pic tickled me.

I was thinking the same as you not undefined. Don't know why it quoted him.

[Wi****]

I don't think most people are looking for anything in real life.
It all virtual reality. In a few more years it will be virtual reality and AI. No real people at all.
People either don't want to take the time or don't desire real interactions.

They don't seem to know how holding hands feels. Or that first kiss, sitting looking at the stars entwined in each other's arms .

Personally, if it's not going to lead to real life and real human contact, it's not for me.