Not understanding D/s

[Ob****]

Since getting involved in this scene online I have come to see that a lot of women (perhaps this goes for the men to but I wouldnt know), don't actually understand what being a sub means.

I get approached all the time by women who in their state of arousal will make all kinds of claims about wanting to be in a 24/7 D/s relationship, or needing to be dominated, only to be completely incapable of accepting structure.

They will make it entirely about themselves and their own desires. Turning me into some "kinkdispencer" for when they are needing to get off.

To the women here, is this the same experience you have with men?

[ge****]

Oh seeing a dominant as a kink dispenser is very much something associated with men, in fact I'd say I hear it said about men more than women.
.
One thing I would say is that there is no single definition of "what being a sub means" rather numerous individual interpretations and so it actually comes down to finding those whose interpretations are aligned with your own.

[Da****]

There is this thing that is sub frenzy. I hate to shatter this but it has gotten so much exposure since the 50 shades of bullshit. I call it that because that is exactly what it is. Ever since the books and movies came out a lot of "submissives" think that it is just like the books and movies. That has created a very false narrative in the community. It is entirely a committed lifestyle. They only want to sign up for what they think is their 50 shades.
To be honest it is the same with Doms. They suffer from Dom frenzy. They want to be so in control. They think just giving orders is all that is needed. Which ant true Dom knows that it isn't

[Li****]

“Thanks for sharing this — I’m pretty new to all of this, and I’ve been trying to figure out what submission really means for me, beyond just the fantasy side. I’ve definitely felt that ‘rush’ of wanting to dive in, so hearing about things like sub frenzy is really helpful. I want something real, not just a scene. Still figuring it out, but I really appreciate posts like this that ground the conversation.”

[Da****]

13 minutes ago, LilMileHigh said:

“Thanks for sharing this — I’m pretty new to all of this, and I’ve been trying to figure out what submission really means for me, beyond just the fantasy side. I’ve definitely felt that ‘rush’ of wanting to dive in, so hearing about things like sub frenzy is really helpful. I want something real, not just a scene. Still figuring it out, but I really appreciate posts like this that ground the conversation.”

You're very welcome. Submission means a lot of different things to people. One thing you have to realize is your submission is a gift to be given to someone you deem trustworthy. It is to be honored cherished protected and not to be used for someone's personal gain. As a submissive I encourage you to join submissive groups. I know there are several out there. Be mentored by a submissive that has experience. Also do research on the types of submissives.

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely! Now, I am owned and collared and not looking for a dynamic, I am on this app solely for friendships. However, I do receive numerous messages from men who claims to be doms, but clearly have no idea what it is about. We are all beginners at some point, but being humble about it and willing to learn will take you further.

[Deleted Member]

Thursday at 03:58 PM, Daddyskinky55443 said:

There is this thing that is sub frenzy. I hate to shatter this but it has gotten so much exposure since the 50 shades of bullshit. I call it that because that is exactly what it is. Ever since the books and movies came out a lot of "submissives" think that it is just like the books and movies. That has created a very false narrative in the community. It is entirely a committed lifestyle. They only want to sign up for what they think is their 50 shades.
To be honest it is the same with Doms. They suffer from Dom frenzy. They want to be so in control. They think just giving orders is all that is needed. Which ant true Dom knows that it isn't

Sub frenzy is real though!
But, I understand what you mean in this context!

[Ro****]

The key is finding someone that has the desires and needs that aligns with yours as for the ones looking for kink dispenser , just think of it as a sort of filter. To filter out whatever does not align.
I have been in this for a decade now. I can say my submissiveness is not for just any type of dom. I also know that i am also not the ideal sub for some doms.

[di****]

Not really sure if you're looking to hear from people who disagree with you, as you seem pretty confident in how you feel, but the ~one true way~ to do D/s is so tired and old. We're literally all just playing pretend. I view my sexuality as an inherent part of myself, but that doesn't mean I go along with the idea that there's only one way to do it. (When it's consensual for everyone involved.)

Someone slapping a D-type label name tag on their chest means only that. We all have skills and preferences and things to learn. Ego can get in the way of learning more about ourselves and others.

I won't say that I don't think there is ANY sort of common guidelines or principles, but most of the people who say others are doing it "wrong" are actually saying that someone isn't doing anything and everything exactly as they want it to happen.

I do think your criticism of people who don't see the inherently reciprocal nature of D/s is valid, and I can understand where your frustration comes from. But I think that's more of a mismatch and a sign to increase communication before jumping into the deep end than it is a true generalization about "subs" as a whole.

[Deleted Member]

I think you are just talking about a very niche type of relationship where the woman wants that king of 24/7 D/s structure in a relationship... That is a very niche situation...so many/most other 'sub' women want to get off on the concept (for want of a better) but then also want something else...there is nothing you can do to stop or change that.

[Da****]

June 28, Kajira951 said:

Sub frenzy is real though!
But, I understand what you mean in this context!

Thank you. As long as you brought it up there is also Dom frenzy. There are a lot of wannabes out there that are experiencing dom frenzy. They want every submissive andx I'll go through them like water.