Any Dommes/Doms ever felt used after play?

[Deleted Member]

This is my first time dealing with this feeling and it feels so much worse than a regular heartbreak or even heartbreak as a sub. You spend your time, energy, and love nurturing this little thing and then it just discarders you without any care 😢.

[Ho****]

As a sub I’ve had this happen where I was discarded by a dom who found someone who was more willing to engage in risky behaviors like with knives and *** and it’s the worst heartbreak I’ve ever experienced

[Deleted Member]

A D/s relationship leaves everyone extremely *** to this feeling. We as Doms agree to nurture, and take responsibility for our subs. We are invested like we would be for a child. Our submissives open themselves to express their vulnerabilities, and trust we will guide them in their best interests. A non Ds relationship happens slowly and trusts are given piece by piece and responsibilities built through love and action. We jump in, in a short time period, to a level some couples never experience. That's the magic of the dynamic, but the tragedy of it as well. We will all feel deeply. There are those who play, those who like the sensory aspect only, those who just like the power, and those who submit under guise of just getting their kinks off and then leaving when the submission is real. But those of us who put our souls into each relationship risk much. I do not recommend agreeing to a Da dynamic without a long get to know you period. Interviews, candid conversations, with respect of course. But each person needs to know the others depths before they truly step into each other's souls. These dynamics can be the most beautiful and passionate thing in the world, but we must recognize early when it does not work for one of the other and learn to let go softly.

[Sa****]

Yeah sometimes i feel like a kink dispenser for them. Its frustrating to not get help setting up scenes and to have all of the experience on my shoulders so if it isn’t what they hoped for they can have zero responsibility

[Qu****]

On occasion I have felt like this. A few times after pickup play and once when I was running a tasting station. I'm not sure of your situation, but it might be a sign that you need some deeper aftercare. If you can talk with them I would start there, if not try to find a friend, it may reduce the chances of drop.

[jo****]

I think there's always a sense of being used in sex, especially if you've had an argument or you're just in a bad mood. But yes, it's a part of sex, which hopefully can be avoided or does not last long.

[va****]

Its Dom drop, also known as top drop, is a term used in the BDSM community to describe a physical and/or emotional low that a dominant partner may experience after an intense BDSM scene or play session. It’s similar to sub drop, which affects submissive, but is less frequently discussed. Dom drop can manifest as feelings of guilt, depression, anxiety, fatigue, irritability, or emotional vulnerability, often due to the crash following a surge of endorphins and adrenaline during a scene. These feelings may arise immediately after or even hours to days later.

[my****]

Heartbreak is heartbreak. The more compatible you are, the worse it feels when it ends.

[on****]

It happens more time than you think. Try not give too much of yourself without them earning it first. Especially if it’s a first time play date

[Deleted Member]

Dom drop is a very real thing. One time after a particularly rough scene I felt awful about myself. Thankfully she is an angel and she just hugged me and comforted me until I felt ok again, and then I did the same for her. But I have played with subs who made zero effort to reciprocate the effort I was putting in, and it feels terrible. Don’t settle for less.

[Bigfluffyfreak]

Yes this happens more than people know it has personally happend to me multiple times

[Qu****]

@john_Steed74 bdsm isn't inherently sexual.

[MH****]

It is so very similar to sub drop but for a domme/dom. I hated that feeling, like I left something/someone not properly cared for.

[Timcornbread]

Dom drop,

I feel it when Kitten wants to end play earlier than I do. A not completely satisfied feeling, like I did not run the scene to her expectations. The disappointment is in myself, not her. I remind myself that her body told me how much she was into it and how much she enjoyed the scene. Aftercare always confirms her happiness, but the feeling sometimes in me is real. I have never let on to this with her.  If I do, then she will let me push her too far like when we were first leaning our limits. I am here for her pleasure. Mine, comes from seeing her enjoy and enjoying her at the same time.

OP. Sorry for their lack of respect for you. You deserve better.

/Hug.

[Timcornbread]

5 hours ago, mythicalman said:

Heartbreak is heartbreak. The more compatible you are, the worse it feels when it ends.

^Truth here.

[NMtoy117]

Nah it's fuckin disturbing the subs seem. Convinced we're here to cater to them and their kinks. If you aren't perfectly in line with their desires they just dip and they are clearly just using us.

[Ar****]

Oh absolutely, more times than I wish to remember (which I recognise makes it sound far more often than it has actually been)

[LthrDom]

The extra layer of trust beyond the nilla world makes it far worse

[Co****]

Feeling like a kink dispenser when you are seeking connection isn’t a good feeling. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I hope you find a fulfilling relationship.

[Sa****]

Thank you!

[Vulkan69]

Only once, we played, she came a few times and again the next morning but I didn't feel the need to get undressed at any point. I don't think the vibe was there but she didn't follow up, nor did I, I suppose. Not sure if I was used, it doesn't really bug me but it was stressful to travel. Eh in the past, chatting to someone amazing from here and she seems to want the same things/compatible things :-)

[Deleted Member]

The weirdest one was a 0-60 guy who claimed he did Tough Mudder every other year: one year training for and doing it, the next year recovering and slacking. 

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One of the things he wanted to do was a prolonged tease and denial session with edging: two weeks. It would be his first. I advised him that common wisdom is to slowly build up (har, har) to such a long stretch: a few days, the majority of a week, just over a week, etc. Nope, this was Mr. Zero to Sixty.

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I have never had that much sexual energy targeted at me in so short a time. It was like taking on an additional part-time job with all the texting and flirting and teasing. I loved it, but in retrospect it was very much like being love-bombed. 

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At one point he had an edging "accident" where he pushed himself too close, and claimed to have pinched the end of his dick shut to try to stop it ... so I guess that counts as a ruined orgasm?

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By the time we met up two weeks later for his official release, he couldn't orgasm. Apparently he had psyched out his dick so many times that it didn't believe there was any point in believing that there'd be a real orgasm this time. It took running two Hitachi Magic Wands on the head of his dick to get any release to happen at all, and he was astounded at how little ejaculate there was compared to how big an orgasm he'd had.

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About a week later he confessed to me that apparently he'd broken his system: he was having trouble masturbating and coming. (Gosh, maybe that's why folks advise working up to such things slowly??)

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Then, he stopped answering my messages. I felt it was my duty to check in with him since I had officially topped the scene and was concerned about how he was recovering, but ... nope. Nothing. I was a little freaked out: had he needed to go the doctor? Maybe the ER? How badly was he broken?!? Nothing. Zip. Nada.

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So, aside from occasionally checking his profile on a different website to see if he'd been active (nope) I let it drop.

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A year and a half later he drops into my DMs as though nothing has happened, hinting that he'd like another play date. I, like Tough Mudder, was apparently an event that he could participate in whenever he felt like it rather than a person he'd connected to. He seemed bemused that I wasn't taking the bait, and eventually dropped off the system all together under that account.

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There've been other incidents with other people, but that was just strange.

[pa****]

i stopped domming because i was sexually ***d by every sub ive ever had. now i do my best to make my domme feel like she matters in our sex too, because she does! its not just about the sub

[Ja****]

Thx for that one.
Im a unreal Dom because im new to BDSM and im Dominant, Devote,Rope Bunny, (so mutch sado that im a self torcher) Maso and Empath that Likes to heal broken subs...but The Last one is also my wife and mother of my child, divorce running
And i cant find a strong femdom to make me a sub...my Last Sub got me so hard i think also about a Male Dom, to become best Sub ever.

[EmpressKK]

Thursday at 01:42 PM, john_Steed74 said:

I think there's always a sense of being used in sex, especially if you've had an argument or you're just in a bad mood. But yes, it's a part of sex, which hopefully can be avoided or does not last long.

Where does 'sex' come into the term 'play'?