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Feeling overwhelmed


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I'm feeling confused and overwhelmed - having met a few  Doms online and one previously for coffee I thought I knew what I was letting myself in for.

2 days ago I met with a Dom that I had been getting to know online and the session we had took me by surprise -he was a lot rougher with me than I expected and moved from one thing to another really quickly...Although respected the safe words at all times. ..not having used them before I was really reluctant to but had no choice but to use them.

He was lovely afterwards, very gentle and kind which was much appreciated. He obviously knew what he was doing ..he constantly pushed what I thought were my boundaries and I'm gobsmacked at what he got me to do

I really want someone I can build a relationship with and this Dom for various reasons  unfortunately isnt it.  I've always believed that I would be happy with just a kinky guy, however I find myself craving what this Dom gave me. I feel like a drug addict and I'm afraid I'm never going to get that from anyone else

I almost wish I hadn't started this 😔


I'm sorry to hear you're feeling overwhelmed, I can totally understand why, though. 

I'm glad you used your safe words, they're there to be used as needed. And it seems you learnt a lot without any harm done. I'm glad he was kind and gentle to you afterwards. It's good that you've worked out what you want in a relationship with a Dom. I'm sure you'll find someone to fit the bill in time. 

Don't worry, I'm sure many sub/masochist/bottoms have felt the same as you. I know I have. less than 2 years ago I barely thought I was kinky...now I know I love extreme impact play, crave it in fact.  

There are many ways to scratch an itch. Don't rule out play for plays sake (you could still do that and be in a solid relationship) and hey, you may just find the Dom for you. 

Constantly pushing boundaries isn't a good thing. It sounds though, that in this instance it was just a case of you both having slightly different expectations and he was respectful of that. Pushing soft limits (with consent) is fine but if anyone pushes a hard limit that should be an instant red flag I think. Also if someone keeps pushing the same boundary and you repeatedly say 'no' to it....another red flag.  (I apologise if I'm preaching to the choir here) 


There is so much richness and diversity in this community- you will find yourself and new aspects of you will develop. I understand the craving.... and when you find your partner they will use that to their advantage!! 

Don’t be disappointed or disheartened because the riches at the end of the rainbow are vast 


Fire 🔥 


I don't know the reasons why you don't think things will work with this Dom, but for what it's worth, it sounds like you enjoyed your session.

I agree with the above post, that perhaps as it was a first session, you were both testing the waters.

Perhaps you should see him again now you know each other's limits a bit more, have another session and see how it goes!

But I'm sure, if he's not the right one, you will find your Dom in time ☺️

  • 2 months later...

For a first session, 'constant pushing of boundaries' is a red flag, for me personally. I'd be unhappy with that, and IF there were to be a second session, be very clear about negotiating for what is wanted and NOT wanted from the experience.


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