i am confused, please help

[ja****]

Just now, jaykkolins said:

I highly doubt that she is new, a part of the being a dominant/mistress ritual is the eagerness of a sub to fall for his mistress she actually wants him to say the word, and depends on how the dynamic is she might tease, play along, show him the good the bad and the ugly, but in this case he was seeing her for a month, so she is real not online, and probably she is enthusiastic as much as he/she I don’t want to assume.. but the word came too soon” it’s kind of “i love you” situation
Unless there is hiding circumstances that we don’t know of

Sorry I highly doubt that she is a real mistress!

[d_guglieme]

Sort out whatever you are doubting before agreeing to anything that you cannot easily rollback.

I assume you are not being ***d/compelled to do anything. (Nor should you be ***d.)

[gk***fan]

This kind of relationship requires a profound amount of trust and respect between the two of you and there is a whole lot of effort that has to go into setting up a relationship like this; it is not something to jump into without a lot of consideration and communication. You two should probably sit down and discuss in great detail what this kind of a relationship actually means to you and to them. At the very least, you should have a solid idea of expectations, frequency, responsibilities, limits, safe words, other kink interests, prior experience, if they are active in the community, and expectations outside of the home before you even start to consider saying yes.

If after all of that discussion, you make it to a point where you are comfortable going forward, don't dive into a 24/7 lifestyle experience from the get-go. Try it out for a day and see if things go well. Then, maybe expand to a weekend, then a week or two, etc. If you find new limits, express them. If you want to try new things, discuss them. If everything is exactly what you've always wanted, cool. If you ever reach a point where it's not working, you have to be able to communicate that. You also have to be willing to walk away if they aren't willing to listen because at that point, it's not a M/S relationship, it's an abusive one.

Edited August 1 by gk***fan

[Adriano_Magnus]

I’m also new to the game, and already received a few very un healthy offers, you are not alone: I would think about it very well, as with no respect you can get yourself into a lot of trouble. There are wemen out there that try to leverage our pure interest for personal benefits that may outreach your immagination.
I have only been a soft Dom in real relationships, so I’m no expert, but you can’t ignore such red flags, as the world is a bit of a jungle nowadays.
Its a bit frustrating not to easily access the kind of experience you’re after, but we will find the right one, no doubt about that, hold on mate!

[Mi****]

11 hours ago, jaykkolins said:

I highly doubt that she is new, a part of the being a dominant/mistress ritual is the eagerness of a sub to fall for his mistress she actually wants him to say the word, and depends on how the dynamic is she might tease, play along, show him the good the bad and the ugly, but in this case he was seeing her for a month, so she is real not online, and probably she is enthusiastic as much as he/she I don’t want to assume.. but the word came too soon” it’s kind of “i love you” situation
Unless there is hiding circumstances that we don’t know of

I'm not disagreeing with you! I only gave this OP another Mistesses perspective!

[ja****]

2 minutes ago, MistressAman said:

I'm not disagreeing with you! I only gave this OP another Mistesses perspective!

I wasn’t trying to argue with you mistress, I was explaining my opinion… sorry if I gave the vibes of arguing…although I love to argue

[ve****]

Trust your instincts, your gut feeling, and take the red flags seriously it’s never steered me into the wrong decision. I’ve ignored the red flags and faced the consequences but now if I c any, it’s done.

[be****]

Anyone there?

[li****]

A domme is supposed to provide reassurance that she doesn't see you this way outside of playing time. Your boundaries are supposed to be set and respected. Before trying anything else, please learn more about BDSM so that nobody can manipulate you. Hugs!

[ja****]

18 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

A domme is supposed to provide reassurance that she doesn't see you this way outside of playing time. Your boundaries are supposed to be set and respected. Before trying anything else, please learn more about BDSM so that nobody can manipulate you. Hugs!

Easier said than done, please allow me to break it down, I’ve read your profile, you are looking for someone who is already on the same level of your experiences you and many respected doms are, that understandable, and fair, so let’s say the vast majority of respected doms are engaging with the 10% of respected well aware subs there the rest who ended up being baited scammed traumatized because of the requirements and the standards that BDSM required, and the fact that the vast majority of doms and mistresses won’t reply or engage with someone unexperienced makes it hard to spread the awareness needed for the new subs to be safe, I’ve been in his shoes I’ve been blackmailed scammed, hurt because I couldn’t have the chance to engage a dom. That’s not on you or on someone else,but that’s the fact that we can’t ignore.. we need to spread the word to make it safe again

[Adriano_Magnus]

38 minutes ago, jaykkolins said:

Easier said than done, please allow me to break it down, I’ve read your profile, you are looking for someone who is already on the same level of your experiences you and many respected doms are, that understandable, and fair, so let’s say the vast majority of respected doms are engaging with the 10% of respected well aware subs there the rest who ended up being baited scammed traumatized because of the requirements and the standards that BDSM required, and the fact that the vast majority of doms and mistresses won’t reply or engage with someone unexperienced makes it hard to spread the awareness needed for the new subs to be safe, I’ve been in his shoes I’ve been blackmailed scammed, hurt because I couldn’t have the chance to engage a dom. That’s not on you or on someone else,but that’s the fact that we can’t ignore.. we need to spread the word to make it safe again

That is so right, I’m seeing that Dom’s aren’t engaging - now that I was intersted in experimenting switch…

[li****]

41 minutes ago, jaykkolins said:

Easier said than done, please allow me to break it down, I’ve read your profile, you are looking for someone who is already on the same level of your experiences you and many respected doms are, that understandable, and fair, so let’s say the vast majority of respected doms are engaging with the 10% of respected well aware subs there the rest who ended up being baited scammed traumatized because of the requirements and the standards that BDSM required, and the fact that the vast majority of doms and mistresses won’t reply or engage with someone unexperienced makes it hard to spread the awareness needed for the new subs to be safe, I’ve been in his shoes I’ve been blackmailed scammed, hurt because I couldn’t have the chance to engage a dom. That’s not on you or on someone else,but that’s the fact that we can’t ignore.. we need to spread the word to make it safe again

You're supposed to inform yourself through educational content and community. Not by interacting with a domme, which is something you sound like you have feelings of entitlement for.

[ja****]

3 minutes ago, TrickyAJ said:

That is so right, I’m seeing that Dom’s aren’t engaging - now that I was intersted in experimenting switch…

I feel everyone is worth a cup of coffee, talk to me see what do I have in the first 10 min you can find if I’m smart, horny, fake, or whatever..invest in me as a dom I invest in you as a sub.. that’s all don’t let me go for a 20years old that she know anything about kink for a quickie mean while you sit on your throne waiting the 1% of subs who are trained.

[Adriano_Magnus]

1 minute ago, jaykkolins said:

I feel everyone is worth a cup of coffee, talk to me see what do I have in the first 10 min you can find if I’m smart, horny, fake, or whatever..invest in me as a dom I invest in you as a sub.. that’s all don’t let me go for a 20years old that she know anything about kink for a quickie mean while you sit on your throne waiting the 1% of subs who are trained.

Totally agree

[Adriano_Magnus]

4 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

You're supposed to inform yourself through educational content and community. Not by interacting with a domme, which is something you sound like you have feelings of entitlement for.

It seems that he had his ideas right, it was this “pretending domme” that was not playing by the book

[ja****]

8 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

You're supposed to inform yourself through educational content and community. Not by interacting with a domme, which is something you sound like you have feelings of entitlement for.

I’m sorry if you felt that I am attacking you, you shouldn’t feel that way, there is no reason for it, although I’m well aware of what I want and what I need and what my limits are, through experiences through things that sounded exciting and turned otherwise, now I have to disagree with the last sentence it’s a two way street, if I don’t see emotional investment from your behalf as my dom then it’s ***, and vise versa, if I only see you a kink dispenser that’s *** also.. if I don’t trust you and you don’t trust me there is no dynamic. I don’t know about you, but yes I am entitled of her feelings and her time and her focus and her emotions if that’s not the case, that’s a red flag.

[li****]

10 minutes ago, jaykkolins said:

I feel everyone is worth a cup of coffee, talk to me see what do I have in the first 10 min you can find if I’m smart, horny, fake, or whatever..invest in me as a dom I invest in you as a sub.. that’s all don’t let me go for a 20years old that she know anything about kink for a quickie mean while you sit on your throne waiting the 1% of subs who are trained.

Well this might come as a shock to you, but I'm not particularly experienced myself yet and neither are the potential subs I usually interact with. But I care to educate myself so I sound like I am. I choose to talk to them cause they're polite and interesting, not because they have experience. And I am not going to put myself in danger meeting a man who's already clearly showing signs of entitlement and anger online. Goodbye.

[ja****]

I think you need to take a step back. Resorting to name calling and playing the victim won’t give you the validation you seem to be looking for. If you’re unable to engage in a conversation that challenges your perspective, then perhaps this isn’t the right space for you.

Let’s be clear. I never asked you to be my Dom and I never asked to meet you. No one is asking you to put yourself in danger. All that’s required is honest communication, getting to know someone, seeing what they bring to the table. But it’s obvious that’s not something you’re open to.
Calling me entitled while sitting on a high horse yourself is ironic. You’re not my Dom, you’re not my friend. I’ve shown you respect and I expect the same in return.
And if you’re not experienced, that’s fine, but be upfront about it in your profile. Don’t mislead submissives into dynamics you’re not prepared for. That’s not just unfair, it’s irresponsible.

[ja****]

10 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

Well this might come as a shock to you, but I'm not particularly experienced myself yet and neither are the potential subs I usually interact with. But I care to educate myself so I sound like I am. I choose to talk to them cause they're polite and interesting, not because they have experience. And I am not going to put myself in danger meeting a man who's already clearly showing signs of entitlement and anger online. Goodbye.

I think you need to take a step back. Resorting to name calling and playing the victim won’t give you the validation you seem to be looking for. If you’re unable to engage in a conversation that challenges your perspective, then perhaps this isn’t the right space for you.

Let’s be clear. I never asked you to be my Dom and I never asked to meet you. No one is asking you to put yourself in danger. All that’s required is honest communication, getting to know someone, seeing what they bring to the table. But it’s obvious that’s not something you’re open to.
Calling me entitled while sitting on a high horse yourself is ironic. You’re not my Dom, you’re not my friend. I’ve shown you respect and I expect the same in return.
And if you’re not experienced, that’s fine, but be upfront about it in your profile. Don’t mislead submissives into dynamics you’re not prepared for. That’s not just unfair, it’s irresponsible.

[Deleted Member]

You give yourself over completely and trust your mistress has all of your needs, interests and safety in mind. You discover your new self, your perfect self and you submit in totality to show your devotion. The worries leave like dead skin and sooner than you think you're filled with love and purpose.