Negative responses to Private messages - Why?

[Deleted Member]

This is not the best place for this post, but as it’s a general comment I thought it might be better here...??

I only joined the site today and have been rebuked by a woman for complimenting her on  her boobs (in pleasant, non creepy language I might add). She told me to get lost and ask someone else on here for advice on how to behave!

A second woman put me on her ignore list after I messaged her, politely, asking her if something I’d said previously was of interest to her. She put me on the ignore list without sending me any message back.

I was not rude or offensive in any way to either of these women.

I hope I meet some nicer people soon 🙂🙂 ....?? Tony

[VictoriaBlisse]

Funnily enough, I wrote an article on this just recently: 

 

Remember, no one is obligated to respond to you. Maybe you need to think about what you're sending in these messages and adapt that.  Have a look at my article and see if it is of any help! 

 

 

[Li****]

I have a couple of male friends on here that have come across some very rude women. Not sure why they feel it is ok to treat people that way but hope your experience on this site gets better. There are some lovely people here 😊

[Newbiesub868]

One thing I can say is first read their profile. If they already have a Dom/Domme or in they are in training with one they probably don’t appreciate message after message. Also if you do message and they respond with the already have a Dom/Domme they do not wish for the conversation in pm to continue. I know it is online but some people like myself they still take this seriously. My profile is very clear but the messages continue. 

[NamelessX]

18 minutes ago, LittleAngel said:

I have a couple of male friends on here that have come across some very rude women. Not sure why they feel it is ok to treat people that way but hope your experience on this site gets better. There are some lovely people here 😊

There will always be people on sites like this who seek strange kicks, or to profit.  I've had no bad experiences here.  In fact, I'm rather happy that there are females willing to engage in conversation.

I've seen some rather unimpressive comments left my guys on the walls of some females, so I understand when they instinctively conclude that any new comment or message isn't respectful.  We just have to work harder at first time impressions! 

[BigPolly]

From a personal point if someone’s first convo to me was a comment about me boobs, complimentary or not, I wouldn’t reply as there is only one way the conversation can go from there. In fact I ended up changing my profile to state ‘what I’m not after’ as so many just seemed interested in my tits etc I also base some of my decisions on whether I reply to people by their avatar or by their sceeen name. Sometimes I just don’t reply to people as I’m not interested & equally people have ignored me so we all experience it. I think NamelessX is right in saying sometimes we just have to try harder to make the right first impression.

[ey****]

General things to consider.

- what you deem to be pleasant or non-creepy, doesn't mean the other person agrees.  

- You don't know what other messages the person has received, so even if yours are around OK - if they've had a bunch of creeps and then suddenly you going straight in about boobs, then it's not going to be picked up so well.

- they may well of visited your profile and found something that made them decide they definitely weren't interested

- nobody is obliged to reply to a message.   sometimes, it is nice if someone tells you where you're going wrong - but tying into an earlier point if they've had a few messages then it's not their job to educate every guy

- also, sadly, there are cases where when women do reply to say they're not interested that the guy on the other end becomes abusive.  So, stick him on ignore and move on.

[Lina_]

Sorry to hear people are rude (sex is irrelevant). You messaged me and there was absolutely nothing rude about your message. I hope you will get nicer replies from now on.

[Deleted Member]

I think people (And I'm afraid its  plenty of women) can be incredibly rude. This takes  many forms which I won't expand on just yet.  It's certainly not unique  to this site though.  

[Deleted Member]

Hi Bomomaster69 🙂 yes sadly you’re right I think.  All the best, Tony

[ey****]

as a thought on the other foot, if someone responds in a way you perceive as rude... then... they weren't for you anyway.

[Deleted Member]

It's all down to tastes if they don't like you move on as they is some one who will it take time and you get lots like this Don't get down about it just move on to next person as in the end there loss not yours

[Switchymishie]

I actually love the no thank you feature as it means should I decide to not reply I don't have to worry about getting abuse for rejecting someone 

Also you have lovely breasts isn't a conversation starter. If you want a reply then ask questions, give information about yourself and read the profile, don't copy and paste to all the women as we do talk abs generally we can identify it really quickly 

I tend to respond to most,  some I filter out on age (10 yrs either way is my limit) but a nice tits / hey message doesn't give me anything to reply to 

[ca****]

Kinda on topic.  I just messaged someone and 'her' response was....

show me a face pic I dont talk to assholes!!!!!!!

Now I take that as humour - as my profile image is of my buttocks (not my asshole - but i see where she may have got that connections).  I did also remind her that she wasnt actually 'talking' with anyone in reality..
.. and that if she wanted a pic of me all she had to do was ask nicely.  Which I expect she will.

ps - she didnt ask nicely told me to 'f*ck off'   
I replied - i'll take that as a no then and that it had been a pleasure communicating with her   

to which she replied 'f*ck off loser'


 

Edited January 12, 2018 by callipygian
updated

[Deleted Member]

It's been said above, but really you need to consider that being a woman on a kink site is a bit of a nightmare. Lots of creepy messages from people who think they are owed attention. Think of this like a bar for kinky people. If you go up to a total stranger and say hi you have lovely breasts, you might get slapped. It's not a great way to start a conversation and although it might not have sounded aggressive or rude, all that you said to that woman was that you're interested in her tits first

[LittleMissDelite]

First time in a thread yikeeesss !! 

Sorry to hear Tony of your bad first experience, was actually quite horrified to hear some woman behaving in such a disrespectful manner. Saying that I’m also aware that messages can be so misconstrued & taken the wrong way. If it is just out & out rudness, this is so sad  

i have had to block one or two wanna be Dom’s for all manner of insults, as some do not seem to understand the consent of communication & respect.  It’s not rocket screen to have some comman Curtisy manners & respect. Unfortunately no everyone is the same. Wish you well & hope your experience improves. 

Ps thanks all love reading the threads & people’s view points 😍 x

[Deleted Member]

As a male submissive I don't tend to message anyone but surely a opening line of "Wow you have  a awesome body thanks for sharing it with us" would get you a better response than "Nice tits darling" Not saying you said that but a nicer softer approach sometimes works  wonders 

Edited February 6, 2018 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

"wow you have an awesome body" still kinda plays into the objectification and that you are interested in her looks, rather than her.

 

[ey****]

the guide above is a very good guide to improving messages.  Even the best message in the world does not automatically entitle you to a response.  

But, don't just automatically push for the send button on every pretty person - can they offer what you want, can you offer what they want?  

Even someone seeking friends doesn't owe you their friendship.

[Ch****]

if i get a txt  sayin nice tits im like go away. therescso many creeps on here. tey starting with hi may i talk to you. 

i want chat 2 people who go straight 4 the nice tits or dick picks. i think being polite an well manerd works well. 

 

 

like some 1 said u wouldn't go up to some 1 in a bar an go nice tots. same as u wouldn't go up to some one an get ya dick out.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

i'm rude with guys because so many see politeness as some excuse to be pushy. i'm only rude in that i don't use manners to my disadvantage.

i also ignore all messages that are sexual (so pretty much all of them) because i'm a person with kinks and not some object to be ticked off on a checklist.

[Deleted Member]

All the advice below is sound advice and while I don't think there's anything​ wrong with complimenting a women on her figure her eyes and so on its also important to look at there inner beauty what they like doing I mean if a lady said to me you have lovely strong hands or goodness what a lovely big cock you have I wouldn't take it as offensive but as an observation that they like what they see as far as people not responding everyone has a right to speak to whom they wish if someone doesn't speak to you I wouldn't take it personally as they probably for 3 million messages to go through as well and just brush it of and move along I didn't think I would find a person on here that I could click with but then this amazing littttle lady came into my life named Lizzie and it's had ups and downs but I love her so much and she is truely amazing

[ey****]

compliments on appearance are the cheapest form of compliment.  She knows, she has a mirror.  It's fairly throw away, you can send the same "Hi beautiful" to 100 different women - and if what attracted you to send her a message was merely a photo, chances are against you.  

Only message people who seem interesting - and that can be from stuff they've said in chat, or on the forum, or in their profile.  I remember someone on OKC whose profile stated she loved Dr Who - so - I sent a message made mostly of Dr Who quotes and we ended up chatting for a bit and having a laugh.  Cos there's something you can share.

Cos the quickest way to get told to fuck off is to send something cheap or lazy.

[Ga****]

Women get tired of being pestered. But worse thngs happen. I've been excluded from groups (mixed sex) for reasons which I don't understand but which seem to involve Polictical Correctness of some sort.