There is no rush.

[Deleted Member]

Patience is key to help avoid entitlement.

 

Strangely I see time after time new members posting "this site is rubbish" or "it's full of fakes" but then upon checking profiles I see often they have not even been members for less than 24 hours. The sense of entitlement to be instantly in a relationship/dynamic within mere hours is astounding and shocks me every time I see it. I think many expect sites like this to be full of desperate folk who crave the smallest bit of interest and when shown will throw themselves on the floor in subservience, clothes flying off as they do while shouting "thank you for choosing me, I'm so so grateful."

 

I only speak from my own perspective and in a mainly D/s capacity but for me that's laughable and unrealistic to the extreme. Sure there are those who seek casual encounters and as such these folk may be easier to connect with BUT most are not. Most seek much much more and that includes both sides of the divide. In Vanilla generally we have to work to build something real so why would it be any different in this community? The simple answer is it's not any different, in many ways it's actually harder to find that soul who matches your own desires and wants. A lot of the problem I see is the "I want it now" generation and I say that not in a spiteful way but based upon what I see with my own eyes.

Patience is a skill that is as important as any other But sadly a life skill that is slowly being eroded by the fast food culture we live in. We pay extra so our items can be delivered quicker, we go to drive thoughts so our burgers are instantly available for consumption etc etc. It's all now, now, now so why would the attitude change when internet dating? We want that sexual or emotional connection today, we pay our *** and our entitlement to sate our desires with some is almost instant. An old word that I still like is "courting" dancing around each other, getting to know a little and as crazy as it may sound sometimes even becoming friends in the process. Surely to court, to get to know a little before taking your connection to the next level will give you both a much better chance of building something real, something worth having so there is no rush. From experience I know myself that rushing can mainly lead to disaster, cause hurt so there is no rush, take a little time. The old saying "all good things come to those who wait" really does apply and again patience is key.

 

Primal thoughts 😊

D

Edited August 10, 2020 by Deleted Member
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[sm****]

Sadly patience is lost when it comes to the digital age.  So many people expect quick fix without having to put any time/effort or actually learn.  They expect everything handed to them on a plate, then their childish egos take a bashing due to the constant rejections of their copy and paste mail and comments.  A little effort goes a long way.

More so since it became a dating app to many than a fetish site, it attracts the horny net tards more used to blanket mailing everyone on the members list, singling out one sex and ignoring anything someone else has to say or interact with.

I give new people who have made an initial mistake on here the benefit of the doubt, but if they don't listen adios and blocked.

[Deleted Member]

It's funny...I was thinking about this just tonight.  I think you hit the nail on the head regarding courting.  My current relationship developed very slowly and despite being six months in, I still consider it a very new relationship.

 

I joined this site hoping to find a life partner and D/S relationship all wrapped up in one, and over time kind of grew to focus more on finding a partner who was compatible on the D/S side of things.  The reality is our relationship began as mutually respectful ***rs with common interests and over time morphed into friendship...then a romantic relationship.

 

We kept all talk of kinks and sexual interest to a minimum initially, and even when the topics came up it was from a learning perspective..."what does this mean?  I read about x and wonder how folks make that work", etc.  Rarely focused on each other.  That was purely so we didn't allow ourselves to get carried away and rush into something we weren't ready for.

 

And yet, the relationship still developed.  But we have yet to develop a D/S dynamic, despite the fact that we met on here and were interested in mutual kink compatibility.  We've discussed it, but both agree that the deep trust we are developing is essential before we go down that road.  And when we do, we'll still negotiate before each and every session.

 

This is the slowest-burn on a relationship I've ever had, yet by far the most satisfying.  Trust and confidence in your partner doesn't come overnight.  And folks who try to rush it are fools destined for a lifetime of dissatisfaction.  I just wish I'd learned that in my youth.  It would have saved me a lot of heartache and stress!