Age gap Relationships

[Deleted Member]

I'm curious to know peoples thoughts and experiences with age gap relationships. Whether it be a full romantic and/or kink relationship or purely a D/s thing. (Or even if its your kink!). From anyones perspective: if you're in one, have been in one, parents, ***, friends, anything.

I've read that these relationships tend to be better and stronger in the long run, but I think relationships with kink running through them seem to be more upfront and honest (or they should be) anyway.

I feel age gap relationships are more widely accepted in the kink community, especially with older Dom/mes with younger subs, but how do vanilla family and friends react to them? What problems have been encountered? I wonder if the reason these relationships have been found as more fullfiling is because those obstacles have been considered and overcome? I could ramble and hypothesise forever, but please- tell me about your age gap relationship or what you think to them (:

[Un****]

My personal experience has been that they have a limited shelf life BUT as they've been kink-related from the outset I also think that's what was expected. Two of the three were the sub's first kink-based exploration also, and that tended to lean towards the DD/lg as I tended to guide as well as introducing various aspects.
I think otherwise as long as any couple can be strong about THEIR feelings, it's not for friends or family to judge. They will, of course...

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Unseen1 said:

They will, of course..

Of course. Human nature I suppose. Yeah I've seen a lot of D/s relationships be short term regardless of age gaps. In terms of DDlg I think an age gap is very common. But I absolutely agree with you about couples being strong about their feelings. This should apply to all relationships ❤

[Ar****]

Until recently my experiences had taken me ten years younger and ten years older. I've never thought age mattered if the people were right, and that anybody's issues were their own problem.

 

My last relationship was with a partner 17 years younger than me. We met through this site, started out as friends, and grew closer through lockdown. Eventually decided we liked each other as more, planned to date as restrictions lifted. Once we were allowed to bubble, we tried it. I thought we were close and it was going well; she was spending up to six days at a time at mine every fortnight (the alternate ones when my son wasn't with me), wanted to move up to my area (I'd helped her look and make enquiries about housing) with a view to us moving in together at some point in the future, she wanted to meet my son, we agreed to be monogamous/exclusive, my mum had invited her over for Christmas, we had plans to spend an amazing week together just after my birthday (her idea), she told me she wanted kids with me (which I didn't think were in my future but I had come around to the idea of with her), we laughed and joked about where we would be in 40 or 50 years, she made me promise that if I we were ever going to get married I asked her Dad's permission first, and we were still making lots of new plans right up until the end - some little ones such as food treats we would do or activities in the home, some bigger ones such as trips away or simple days out once the covid issue is resolved.

 

We had been together officially perhaps three months, when a week before my birthday we were in the middle of a normal happy text conversation in the afternoon when she stopped replying, left my message unopened. Respecting the space I knew she sometimes needed I wasn't pushy, just sent a couple more over the following couple of days, but after two and a half days I knew something was very wrong. I tried ringing, no answer. There had been no sign of her anywhere online. I was sick with worry, terrified she was at the very least in hospital in a diabetic coma if not worse. If my son hadn't been with me that week I'd have gone straight over to hers to find out what was wrong and be supportive if she needed me. It's fair to say I was also getting paranoid and picturing some other, darker scenarios due to things that have happened and the way I have been treated in other relationships (which she knew about, some of them, and they had made her angry).

 

I eventually found her online midway through the week but the only reply I got suggested she didn't know how she was. I was just so incredibly relieved that she was safe and alive. I thanked her for replying, reminded her she could talk to me about anything even if it were bad, that she knew she could trust and didn't have to hide anything from me, said I hoped that whatever was going on she felt better soon and asked her to message the following day if she felt up to it.

 

I didn't hear anything. In fact nothing further happend for almost four more nights, the evening of my birthday. I had already concluded that she mustn't want to speak with me, that we were PROBABLY split up (but I didn't know as she hadn't said anything), and that I wouldn't be seeing or hearing from her on my birthday. I came on this site for the first time in a few weeks to catch up with friends, and afterwards had a brief glance at my wall.

 

There she was. A brand new profile I was being notified of as somebody in my area who had recently added new photos. Not just that, but created the day we last had a conversation (where my messages were still unopened) when she went quiet on me, stating that she was single and looking for kinky dates. What made me feel really sick was seeing that, whilst I had been having the week from hell stressing and worrying about the wellbeing of my "girlfriend" who had been ignoring me, in the few days since joining she had received almost 700 messages and sent 386 to other guys here. I was furious, not because we were apparently over (of course she has the right to walk away and end things) but because I thought our friendship was stronger than that, I thought that our bond was better than that, and I couldn't believe she thought so little of and had so little respect for me as to put me through that past week without saying anything yet was clearly capable of talking to a fuck-ton of new guys. And so quickly too!

 

So, that is my only actual experience of a large age gap relationship, but it hasn't put me off. I can't and won't judge others by her actions, and if I find the right person their age still won't matter.

 

As regards to vanilla family/friends reactions, there was the suggestion at one point that her family would try to split she and I up because of the age difference; she took about three days to decide what she wanted during which I gave her space and didn't contact her, before she decided I made her "too damn happy" to give up and her family would just have to live with it. My own family were fine, although she only met my Dad they had started getting on quite well. He would drive us for pickups and shopping so we wouldn't have to use public transport, and had grown quite protective of her too.

 

I hope sharing this helps give you some insight and was the kind of thing you were looking for.

[Mary_Banastre]

I have a parent in a relationship with someone twenty years their junior and I don’t think they’ve ever found a lack of acceptance tbh.

I’m also not sure that age gap or kink relationships are more likely to be more successful than non-age gap or non-kink relationships.

[Deleted Member]

Kink rules apply here. As long as everyone is a consenting adult who cares. Everyone out there wants to judge or pigeon hole you. What works for one won’t fit another. Be happy, be safe and be honest!

[Deleted Member]

No ones opinion should stop you living your happiest, most fulfilled life x

[ol****]

it's different for each and every relationship. There are no rules (orher than those that are legally and morally appropriate). What works, works. It's about how adult a partner is for me. I've been the younger party and the ilder party in a relationship in the past.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Aranhis said:

Until recently my experiences had taken me ten years younger and ten years older. I've never thought age mattered if the people were right, and that anybody's issues were their own problem.

 

My last relationship was with a partner 17 years younger than me. We met through this site, started out as friends, and grew closer through lockdown. Eventually decided we liked each other as more, planned to date as restrictions lifted. Once we were allowed to bubble, we tried it. I thought we were close and it was going well; she was spending up to six days at a time at mine every fortnight (the alternate ones when my son wasn't with me), wanted to move up to my area (I'd helped her look and make enquiries about housing) with a view to us moving in together at some point in the future, she wanted to meet my son, we agreed to be monogamous/exclusive, my mum had invited her over for Christmas, we had plans to spend an amazing week together just after my birthday (her idea), she told me she wanted kids with me (which I didn't think were in my future but I had come around to the idea of with her), we laughed and joked about where we would be in 40 or 50 years, she made me promise that if I we were ever going to get married I asked her Dad's permission first, and we were still making lots of new plans right up until the end - some little ones such as food treats we would do or activities in the home, some bigger ones such as trips away or simple days out once the covid issue is resolved.

 

We had been together officially perhaps three months, when a week before my birthday we were in the middle of a normal happy text conversation in the afternoon when she stopped replying, left my message unopened. Respecting the space I knew she sometimes needed I wasn't pushy, just sent a couple more over the following couple of days, but after two and a half days I knew something was very wrong. I tried ringing, no answer. There had been no sign of her anywhere online. I was sick with worry, terrified she was at the very least in hospital in a diabetic coma if not worse. If my son hadn't been with me that week I'd have gone straight over to hers to find out what was wrong and be supportive if she needed me. It's fair to say I was also getting paranoid and picturing some other, darker scenarios due to things that have happened and the way I have been treated in other relationships (which she knew about, some of them, and they had made her angry).

 

I eventually found her online midway through the week but the only reply I got suggested she didn't know how she was. I was just so incredibly relieved that she was safe and alive. I thanked her for replying, reminded her she could talk to me about anything even if it were bad, that she knew she could trust and didn't have to hide anything from me, said I hoped that whatever was going on she felt better soon and asked her to message the following day if she felt up to it.

 

I didn't hear anything. In fact nothing further happend for almost four more nights, the evening of my birthday. I had already concluded that she mustn't want to speak with me, that we were PROBABLY split up (but I didn't know as she hadn't said anything), and that I wouldn't be seeing or hearing from her on my birthday. I came on this site for the first time in a few weeks to catch up with friends, and afterwards had a brief glance at my wall.

 

There she was. A brand new profile I was being notified of as somebody in my area who had recently added new photos. Not just that, but created the day we last had a conversation (where my messages were still unopened) when she went quiet on me, stating that she was single and looking for kinky dates. What made me feel really sick was seeing that, whilst I had been having the week from hell stressing and worrying about the wellbeing of my "girlfriend" who had been ignoring me, in the few days since joining she had received almost 700 messages and sent 386 to other guys here. I was furious, not because we were apparently over (of course she has the right to walk away and end things) but because I thought our friendship was stronger than that, I thought that our bond was better than that, and I couldn't believe she thought so little of and had so little respect for me as to put me through that past week without saying anything yet was clearly capable of talking to a fuck-ton of new guys. And so quickly too!

 

So, that is my only actual experience of a large age gap relationship, but it hasn't put me off. I can't and won't judge others by her actions, and if I find the right person their age still won't matter.

 

As regards to vanilla family/friends reactions, there was the suggestion at one point that her family would try to split she and I up because of the age difference; she took about three days to decide what she wanted during which I gave her space and didn't contact her, before she decided I made her "too damn happy" to give up and her family would just have to live with it. My own family were fine, although she only met my Dad they had started getting on quite well. He would drive us for pickups and shopping so we wouldn't have to use public transport, and had grown quite protective of her too.

 

I hope sharing this helps give you some insight and was the kind of thing you were looking for.

That’s just horrible 🙁 I’m sorry that happened to you. I was ghosted by a friend and long term play partner whom I’d supported and cared about. None of us deserve such cruel treatment.

[Ar****]

20 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

That’s just horrible 🙁 I’m sorry that happened to you. I was ghosted by a friend and long term play partner whom I’d supported and cared about. None of us deserve such cruel treatment.

Thank you... I'm sorry you went through that too. There really is no need for it when we are are approachable/reasonable sorts. All we can do is learn, and stay true to ourselves in the wake of these events.

[GetIt-8454]

I have an older man.. fetish... want this so bad..

 

[Koby-8348]

From my experience, I tend avoid large age gap relationships- it's unfair on both parties.  I am at a different place time compared to someone in their young twenties.

Do I expect them to fast forward 10 years, to where I am at in life or do I sacrifice where I am at, to adjust to their needs

Other aspects influence the relationship including life experience, maturity, relationship interests and life outlook.

[Wo****]

13 minutes ago, Koby said:

I tend avoid large age gap relationships- it's unfair on both parties

How large is large though?

There's something like a 17 year age gap with me and Pirate, which I suppose us quite significant, yet we click so well.

We may not be "together" but that's not down to age.

 

[Koby-8348]

4 hours ago, Bounty said:

How large is large though?

There's something like a 17 year age gap with me and Pirate, which I suppose us quite significant, yet we click so well.

We may not be "together" but that's not down to age.

 

Bounty that is a good point. For me, dating anyone below 24 is a no go for me. However, if I was 40, I would happily date someone 30 or 28 - just because of maturity levels.

[Deleted Member]

Me and a friend are both dating men with a 20yr age gap. The difference is she is 21 and I'm 30. Already we have encountered very different opinions due to factors relating to her young age. The main gist being the things pointed out above- life outlook, maturity levels etc. But they match in most of those areas, its other people that have presumed they dont.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Bounty said:

yet we click so well.

And that's the thing. ❤

[Shellshock]

4 minutes ago, BooBookitty said:

Me and a friend are both dating men with a 20yr age gap. The difference is she is 21 and I'm 30. Already we have encountered very different opinions due to factors relating to her young age. The main gist being the things pointed out above- life outlook, maturity levels etc. But they match in most of those areas, its other people that have presumed they dont.

I think everyone I have played with has been older then me and i am 47

[Qu****]

I’m 57 and my sub is nearly 25. 32 years if you can’t work it out.

I was always concerned about the significant age gap but to be honest, we are 18 months into our relationship and it goes from strength to strength. We are perfectly happy and have an amazing connection both in kink and as a ‘normal’ relationship.
He is very mature and successful in his life and I have a very young outlook so we kind of meet in the middle.

We aren’t looking for or need anyone’s approval but some people have been horrified and we have had some derogatory comments on site along the way, mostly from men wanting what my sub has got 😂

At the end of the day, it’s your relationship. What works for you won’t work for someone else.

This works for us 🤷‍♀️

 

[Ar****]

2 hours ago, BooBookitty said:

Me and a friend are both dating men with a 20yr age gap. The difference is she is 21 and I'm 30. Already we have encountered very different opinions due to factors relating to her young age. The main gist being the things pointed out above- life outlook, maturity levels etc. But they match in most of those areas, its other people that have presumed they dont.

Those other people aren't the ones who matter. If you are happy, your friend is happy, and your partners are happy and you all match well, little else matters. You aren't affecting anyone else, so it isn't their business.

[Shellshock]

1 hour ago, Queenie63 said:

I’m 57 and my sub is nearly 25. 32 years if you can’t work it out.

I was always concerned about the significant age gap but to be honest, we are 18 months into our relationship and it goes from strength to strength. We are perfectly happy and have an amazing connection both in kink and as a ‘normal’ relationship.
He is very mature and successful in his life and I have a very young outlook so we kind of meet in the middle.

We aren’t looking for or need anyone’s approval but some people have been horrified and we have had some derogatory comments on site along the way, mostly from men wanting what my sub has got 😂

At the end of the day, it’s your relationship. What works for you won’t work for someone else.

This works for us 🤷‍♀️

 

I have just been reading this and I wish you two every happiness 😊 

[Shellshock]

and this has tonight given me hope there is sunshine over the hill soon x

[Qu****]

Just now, Rave92 said:

and this has tonight given me hope there is sunshine over the hill soon x

You never know what’s around the corner Rave 🌞

make the most of every opportunity 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, BooBookitty said:

And that's the thing. ❤

Yes, that's the key. If you get on you get on and only a fool wouldn't grab that with both hands x

[ma****]

I been in age gap relationships i been with older guys when i was 20 i was with a 45 year old guy he was my master and boyfriend i go for people older

[Deleted Member]

My Daddy is 61 and I will be 39 this year. Our dynamic works well because I have always been an old soul and he is not the overly serious older man type, so it balances. We get each other’s references most of the time. I think he expected me to be more into going out, partying, or doing the scene, but that has never been me.

His knowledge is incredibly attractive to me. I do not say that to him often because his ego does not need help, but the work he has done and the experiences he has had are impressive. It turns me on, and I love the moments when I can pick his brain, ask questions, and get advice. What he shares comes from a pure place, with no filter and no games.

That is one of the things I value most about being with an older man. What he says is what he means, and what he says he will do, he does. I was used to men my age playing games, so I had to adjust. There have been times when he has had to regulate me on that. With him, I feel safe enough to stay in my full feminine energy. I still get to be a brat, but not as often, and if he needs to handle me, he can in a way no man my age ever has.