One is tasty, but two… delicious. BDSM triad play is something that many fantasise about, but balancing the attention given to more than one partner is trickier than many realise. Writer Sienna Saint-Cyr explores five ways you can manage this.

Take turns

The first time I took part in a BDSM triad scene, my Dom sat me in a chair, tied me down, and made me watch him beat on his slave. He did lovely things like spank her, and tell her to look at me, then tell me to watch her. He’d kiss her, pinch a nipple or two, then finally told her to come. Being that I’m a voyeur, just that alone would have been fantastic. But he didn’t stop there. Next, he put me on the cross and had his slave watch. Taking turns is one way to balance a BDSM triad scene.

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Watching and instructing

Another great way to involve everyone in the BDSM triad is to have one submissive perform an act on the other. Or the Dominant might fuck one sub from behind and have that sub perform oral sex on the second submissive. As a Domme, when I play with more than one person, I often like to instruct them to do things to one another while I simply watch.

Manage time

Balancing time isn’t always easy, and I find that this is an area that falls in the responsibility of the Dominant in the triad. So Dom/Dommes, make sure you’re paying attention! Everyone needs equal time unless part of the play involves some form of humiliation by withholding attention. But that type of triad play has a purpose and is, therefore, still involving all parties.


BDSM triad scene
Both Doms and subs have responsibilities in a BDSM triad.


A submissive has responsibilities

Submissives have a level of responsibility in BDSM triad scenes as well. Though it may not be up to a sub to balance the time, it is up to the sub to make sure they are fair to the person in the play. For example, if one submissive is dropped into subspace and is cuffed to the cross—getting a nice little spanking—if time starts to feel unbalanced, running off in tears isn’t helpful. The Dominant can’t leave one sub in that state to run after another. The better way to handle this situation is to gently get the Dominant’s attention and let him or her know what’s going on.

Be present during the BDSM triad play

Triad play is all about being present in the moment, being fair, and having a higher level of responsibility. While it can be one of the best experiences, it can also end in a tidal wave of negative emotions if we aren’t careful. The best way to have fun is by remembering that just like we need a balance between two partners, three to a scene is no different. Ignoring one party will only end in hurt feelings. So play fair, play hard, and have fun!

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. 

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