Bi female. Why do women make me so nervous ?

[ro****]

Hi, I'm Kelly.
I'm bisexual and I have known since 9th grade. I've had 1 girlfriend ever, in highschool, and it didn't last long. Tbh I broke up with her after only a few weeks because I just wasn't ready. We started kissing and I was just terrified to advance.

Soo ig I should mention that I lost my virginity with a man in a very shitty way & I do believe that's why losing my virginity to a woman is i guess it's semi valuable to me. I don't need a relationship or nun just a good connection which is hard to achieve when I'm stuttering😭
Anyway .. why is it still so hard ?? I'm 29 years old now and yeah I've ate pussy with a man present but not even til she finished. It tasted so good though ik for facts I loove pussy and a pretty fem. So why do I freak out when getting close to women and why do I want to be w. them but I can't be myself:/
The only solution I can think of is by finding a real strict femdom to show me what it's like to be with a women without having to think lol. It shouldn't be this hard though.

You're talking to someone whose been single for close to 8 years, yet I've fallen in love several times. I still love those people and treasure our time together, they've all ended on good terms. I'm independent asf and haven't had sex in months currently.(If you don't count my virtual partner and mutual masturbation) I just need more than most I think I need to truly look up to you in order to be a genuine sub and I need to have empathy for you to be my sub. I just can't get into character with many. It's not just a kinky game for me, it's a lifestyle for me. I need more than most to be my freakiest self, but I don't need it all.
My question is how to overcome my anxiety with women or atleast working towards it. Resources, readings, suggestions..
Any tips appreciated💋💋💋 & yes I've been in therapy for years so please don't suggest that😂

[La****]

Great question 🤔 I need answers also!

[Wi****]

Have you tried poly relatuonships themn - or even, just being a unicorn for a couple. You obviously aren't excluding men 100%, so unless you can find a lesbian femdom, you could embrace the independance and try being that semi-casual 3rd party. At least for long enough to get your fix wwith women, and to become confident enough to then retry finding a relationship with someone special.

As for why women make you nervous.... my 16 yo self could commiserate with you :)

[No****]

I’m having a similar issue. I keep saying I want a girlfriend but keep choosing/ getting close to women who are too far away (for me and my situation) to be in a relationship with. Im looking for more traditional dating with a woman.

[Deleted Member]

Yeah talking to people is hard 😔

[ak****]

Yea it
Is

[pr****]

Women make us all nervous 😩 They are too beautiful to not be nervous with them

[Deleted Member]

Lesbian here- I’m sorry you’re struggling. I was in this situation when I was younger and I had to do a lot of internal work. For me there was shame and internalized homophobia which was fucking wild for me to realize because I am the most accepting person (to other people). I’m certainly not saying this is what’s going on for you, just giving my perspective. Once I accepted my shit, it was still hard to talk to women, I wasn’t confident, I wanted to be approached because of it, but it rarely worked out that way. A way that could remove anxiety is to approach women with out the romantic/sexual intent at the forefront. Just don’t make it a priority. Do you like her hair? Her style? Are you at an event that assures a common interest? (Concert, bookstore, etc.) Start with something simple, an uncreepy compliment, eye contact can help express interest as well, think about your body language too. And honestly if you want to explore this part of your sexuality with a femdom as long as it’s within negotiated limits and it feels safe for you, it may not be a bad idea. I’m sorry I can’t offer resources or anything else, but good luck.

[cr****]

I find this to be common amongst bi women. I think @HoneyBee19 gave a good perspective. I also think there is something behind how girls are raised in that they generally aren't the engager/hunter. So when there are two I see struggles. And of course being the nicest guy I am always willing to help with that ;)

[Gr****]

Own your kinks baby 😘

[Ja****]

Because it's programmed in our heads but just takes steps to undo the programming we were taught it was wrong

[ro****]

8 hours ago, bittenkiss said:

Have you tried poly relatuonships themn - or even, just being a unicorn for a couple. You obviously aren't excluding men 100%, so unless you can find a lesbian femdom, you could embrace the independance and try being that semi-casual 3rd party. At least for long enough to get your fix wwith women, and to become confident enough to then retry finding a relationship with someone special.

As for why women make you nervous.... my 16 yo self could commiserate with you :)

Thank you tbh that's not a bad idea. I have joined in poly relationships before but I only was intimate with the man. We dated for months and I met his wife several times. She even allowed me in their home when she wasn't there & I loved the amount of trust they had with each other and with me. Getting distracted but yeah I'll keep this in mind! Only hiccup currently is that concerning men, I'm pretty loyal to my current DD. So it would have to be a lesbian couple lmaoo. Tbh 2 women sounds less intimidating than one, still.😂

[ro****]

8 hours ago, Notti_my_Fault said:

I’m having a similar issue. I keep saying I want a girlfriend but keep choosing/ getting close to women who are too far away (for me and my situation) to be in a relationship with. Im looking for more traditional dating with a woman.

Feeeeel you😭 I do suggest checking your settings though because you can actually choose for this app to only show people within a specific radius that you choose. Set it to the farthest you'd travel for a female😉 hope that helps !

[ro****]

8 hours ago, Ctaylor said:

Yeah talking to people is hard 😔

Fucking fuck yeah dude🙃

[ro****]

4 hours ago, pretty-praire39588 said:

Women make us all nervous 😩 They are too beautiful to not be nervous with them

I have religiously concluded that it's because men are so much easier to please and that I let my anxiety keep me from shooting my shots for too long that now it's hella comfy😭 I want some new comfort though like 2 nice round ones sounds nice😂

[ro****]

7 hours ago, akuma90uchiha said:

Yea it
Is

Facts💔

[ro****]

If y'all don't like that I reply to everyone then suck it easy lol

[ro****]

4 hours ago, HoneyBee19 said:

Lesbian here- I’m sorry you’re struggling. I was in this situation when I was younger and I had to do a lot of internal work. For me there was shame and internalized homophobia which was fucking wild for me to realize because I am the most accepting person (to other people). I’m certainly not saying this is what’s going on for you, just giving my perspective. Once I accepted my shit, it was still hard to talk to women, I wasn’t confident, I wanted to be approached because of it, but it rarely worked out that way. A way that could remove anxiety is to approach women with out the romantic/sexual intent at the forefront. Just don’t make it a priority. Do you like her hair? Her style? Are you at an event that assures a common interest? (Concert, bookstore, etc.) Start with something simple, an uncreepy compliment, eye contact can help express interest as well, think about your body language too. And honestly if you want to explore this part of your sexuality with a femdom as long as it’s within negotiated limits and it feels safe for you, it may not be a bad idea. I’m sorry I can’t offer resources or anything else, but good luck.

Thank you so much for sharing!!! Ngl I can resonate with you in basically all you've mentioned. I grew up in a very Christian household, and my dad was a physically and mentally abusive slave driver(never sexually) I definitely have considered that his influence has instilled this curse. My intuition on fleek fr I gotta learn to trust it more smh.

Also I am in fact a woman, so no, I never jump straight to sex with women. If I do then it's with a man and it's only photos before I ghost them lol. Like if I'm bored or want to show off or if they're hot enough😭 ik how it feels to receive a message like "you look like such a good little slut I would do this this and this"

First of all I'm not a slut unless I'm YOUR slut and I'm not your slut until you proven you deserve me. my servitude is a gift and I absolutely want a real connection. Not just sex. It's just the sex makes me most nervous.

[ro****]

3 hours ago, cropp said:

I find this to be common amongst bi women. I think @HoneyBee19 gave a good perspective. I also think there is something behind how girls are raised in that they generally aren't the engager/hunter. So when there are two I see struggles. And of course being the nicest guy I am always willing to help with that ;)

Absolutely I lack motivation searching. It's true I'm used to letting ppl come to me, but also how does one know for sure if a female is gay when I'm mainly attracted to fems😭🤦🏻‍♀️ I changed my settings to women who only searching for women because every one I clicked was straight asf😂😂 I love fems though cause I like to care for people I wanna be the dude and open your doors hoe

[ro****]

1 hour ago, JaySinz said:

Because it's programmed in our heads but just takes steps to undo the programming we were taught it was wrong

Can I just return the brain ? I don't think I really need one 😭😭

[cr****]

4 hours ago, rottencotton said:

Absolutely I lack motivation searching. It's true I'm used to letting ppl come to me, but also how does one know for sure if a female is gay when I'm mainly attracted to fems😭🤦🏻‍♀️ I changed my settings to women who only searching for women because every one I clicked was straight asf😂😂 I love fems though cause I like to care for people I wanna be the dude and open your doors hoe

I dont think you lack motivation, look all your doing here. I was thinking it could also do something with rejection. We men I think get used to it and just keep trying. Maybe the thing to remeber is girls be smart and very capable of saying no if they dont like it or want it. But if you never ask or make the move and try, neither of you will ever know. If you dont want to take action first you can try what I do which is just ask. Can I kiss you, can I play with your breasts, can I eat your pussy. They can say no or laugh it off but if they say yes .... go for it open that door

[ro****]

54 minutes ago, cropp said:

I dont think you lack motivation, look all your doing here. I was thinking it could also do something with rejection. We men I think get used to it and just keep trying. Maybe the thing to remeber is girls be smart and very capable of saying no if they dont like it or want it. But if you never ask or make the move and try, neither of you will ever know. If you dont want to take action first you can try what I do which is just ask. Can I kiss you, can I play with your breasts, can I eat your pussy. They can say no or laugh it off but if they say yes .... go for it open that door

Thank you! I do the same thing where as though I'd ask before kissing someone. Idk if it's rejection really, but it's possible. I've asked men out before and I've been rejected, I don't recall it bothering me. I later realized he's more into black girls, but, regardless; no one owes me anything, especially not a stranger.
But yeah this post is my biggest effort in the year that I've had this app and haven't met one female on here yet. I do initiate messages though regularly.

[Laycette]

Very similar here hon.

[Wi****]

10 hours ago, rottencotton said:

But yeah this post is my biggest effort in the year that I've had this app and haven't met one female on here yet. I do initiate messages though regularly.

Good for you, more women should initiate messages.  I would also (always) recommend going to your local munch - you can find those on fetlife. If you already have a DD, then the poly suggestion isn't so easy unless he lets you try it, but the alternative is that you are the couple - find a *** sub for the pair of you.

[co****]

If he happy to help.