What am I doing wrong?

[Li****]

Like the title asks, what am I doing wrong? I just want to find a dd who is actually looking for a lg for a lasting thing, not just a one night stand. I've tried here, I've tried FetLife, I've even tried dating sites, and a couple of Facebook pages watered to those. Am I doing something wrong? Am I ebkng too picky? Are all the DDs gone? Ugh, I'm about to just give up and leave all the sites and be done with the search.

[FETMod-HG]

This topic has been allowed for advice purposes only, so please stay on topic and no "I'll be your Dominant/Daddy" type comments and so on, as they will be removed as propositions. Thank you

[su****]

You just gotta look for the right people.you gotta realize on a kink themed app alot of people are gonna only be looking for sex. Im in the same boat as you and i wish the app had more filters for this thing

[Deleted Member]

The problem isn't you it's these so called "doms" "daddy's" and so called "alphas"

[li****]

I’d say to just be patient. It takes time to find one that fits you! I use Discord a lot and do see a lot of people is kink servers getting together. So if the apps don’t work. Maybe try that? 😭 I’m not very helpful sorry

[Ca****]

I think most are feeling the same way. From conversations I've had, things seem to be pretty dismal everywhere. If you figure it out, please let me know.😆

[cum4meSlowly]

You might not be doing anything wrong. It takes time to find the right daddy for anyone. You need to keep looking and hope that someone pops up local to you that fits your style/requirements. Best of luck hope you find your cuddle buddy.

[Deleted Member]

I know how you feel. Like don’t ask to f me in the first five messages.

[dr****]

Just like an interview; the company may look good til you start to talk to them and realize it's not a good fit. Cant speak to being too picky not knowing your criteria, but I wouldn't suggest dropping boundaries for more options. That'll just lead to an uncomfortable dynamic

[Do****]

Try ddlgforum*, it caters more to that specifically and you may have better luck there.

Edited September 18, 2025 by FETMod-HG
* external link removed

[Deleted Member]

I am having the opposite problem, trying to find a sub little lol

[JA****]

Yeah, I know what you mean.
There's so many people disappearing or just wanting a hookup....not cool

[Da****]

It could be timing or location. But you also have to ask yourself.... Is the type of DD you're looking for the same type other women are looking for, thus you have competition? If so, what can you do to increase your chances of finding a DD? Widen your search area, change your criteria, and lengthen your search time are all ways to improve your odds. Good luck to you in your search.

[ib****]

Same girl its so hard to find one

[Deleted Member]

I hate to say this but that's just society rn. No one wants an actual relationship just situationships or just to fk and then be done with them. The main issue I'm seeing is that most are claiming they want something lasting but then once they get it they're done. Just ppl using ppl left and right.

[Deleted Member]

That seems to be true @Batmanlover86. Seeing it more and more

[Ch****]

I feel you. I think a big part is age . 40+ gets no love or a chance and also it’s the amount of options people have to vet and try to connect with.

[on****]

It’s not people are unsure of themselves. They don’t know what they want. They just talk about what they seen somebody else have and think they would like that mostly how life is you see something you pick what you like out of that it’s really up to you, but I don’t understand Why the responsibility is always someone else’s

[Deleted Member]

It’s tough for everyone out there. My best advice (and don’t take this too personally, I haven’t even looked at your profile…) is to get deliberate about building yourself into what the person you want wants.

What sort of lg would your dream DD want? Become that. And then advertise yourself as that.

It’s easy to step into the world and say “I want…”. But saying “I’m offering…” takes more work and more detached insight. But it’s worthwhile to put the effort into that aspect.

[La****]

This is so heartbreaking bcs the topic always asked almost everyday, everywhere. Its not a you problem. It’s the whole dating pool problem. People dont want commitment bcs of the responsibilities and the *** of attachment and intimacy. As the time goes by, people turned very apathetic, cold, hollow and shallow. Thus they cant offer anything let alone valuing genuine deep bond anymore. Doesnt mean good people dont exist. You just need to be patient way longer.

[Sw****]

Same girl. Don’t lower your standards. Better to be alone than settle.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been using Taimi as well as this. It’s been a couple weeks for me. I really hope you can find him.

[Deleted Member]

I feel you. Why is it so difficult?!

[Co****]

@Batmanlover86  is right and they are getting really good at it unfortunately. My experience I get reassurance left and right just to find out it was all a lie. Waste of time and energy that just breaks you.

[Ra****]

I think there are legit DDs out there, but finding them is hard. Even outside the question of DDs, finding anyone is hard. I think it’s along the lines that @Batmanlover86 suggests, just maybe more complicated.

I know in my case (and it is more complicated for me because I’m married and poly) I’m looking for almost any term because anyone for any length of time is another added experience, another person who entered my life however briefly. Would I prefer long term? Sure. Will I just as happily accept short term or even ONS? Yup.

I think that these days it is just more common to find folks (and especially men) who are looking for the ONS and will accept short or long term only if they find a really good fit. They want the benefit of the effort, without the effort.

My advice is focus on the search. Back off of the ONS as an option if it isn’t what you want. Back off of short term if it isn’t what you want. Don’t necessarily be suspicious the intent of someone who claims they want long term, but maybe focus on the relationship first and hold off on the DD/lg and sexy time stuff for a little bit longer than you might otherwise. Explain that it’s because you’re trying to find something lasting. Someone who wants that too will be willing to prioritize relationship building first and kinks second. And if they really are a DD then they should be more than willing to care for your needs and desires for a LTR.