What am I doing wrong?

[Er****]

The average vanilla dater takes 8 months to find one person thats even remotely compatible enough to date seriously. Finding one worth keeping long term takes years for all but a lucky few.

Finding someone who meets those basic requirements AND is into a specific kind of kink (dd/lg) is even more difficult. It might take years of searching, and likely a willingness to relocate.

[Deleted Member]

Most DD don't want a LG as a mono partner. It is a lot of work and if your primary partner is not an equal then it gets exhausting.

[ey****]

I've  not read all the comments - but the advice I'd give to a guy is just as applicable

Finding someone compatible is hard. That is the top and bottom of it.

It may take time, and patience (you've been here 3 weeks) and it may involve also showing what you can offer as well as what you are looking for

Diversifying where you look is helpful -as well as sites you've mentioned, also consider partaking in socials and events in your local kink community

What you may find is a prospective partner is not the "finished product" and you may need to work through things from scratch together - meeting an otherwise compatible partner and going on a kink journey together is easier to find someone who is already kinky AND has social stuff in common AND is otherwise compatible etc 

[Deleted Member]

Meeting right persons takes time and patience. I have been in lifestyle several years and learned and changed so much for the better. Whenever u feel overwhelmed take a break and come back..I finally have a good circle. So explore until u find what you want..its all an adventure

[li****]

Hugs

[gr****]

No it’s not you sadly to say most people don’t want a relationship even if they say they do they will lie to try and get what they want so I’d say don’t sleep with some1 until some actual work n time has been spent and they big problem is the older you get the more people are taken off the market so your stuck with trying to find the needle in the haystack while hay is constantly flowing in And most men are pigs so I feel for you cuz I have the issue of coming off like a creep and get thrown in there group even tho my intentions are good I still get suckered into thinking females want something long term just to get ghosted after we have sex. It’s hurtful and discouraging. But I’d say just take breaks from trying oddly enough when I give up hope and tell some1 I’m not looking for a long term relationship and they say good there not either especially if it’s cuz they keep getting hurt. Thats when you find some1 honest and tho both of yall are sick of trying n have giving up that when u find some1 to be in a relationship with even tho yall both said thats not what yall are looking for at the time thats when it naturally happends

[Ra****]

Oh, I'm truly sorry. I equate fet life to Kinkstagram, whereas FET is more like Kinkbook
So similarly, yes, there is a lot of advertisement. But you can follow people who are not just trying to make ***, who are there to support the idealism and the structure and the rules of bdsm.
Through those people, you can start to navigate your boundaries and your limits and make sure that you are not talking to people who don't want that. Being most upfront and transparent is always the key.
I have unfortunately found in the past 6 months through a year, that any man with a penis has decided that he's a daddy or a dom because he say instagram or sone silly thing, it opens the doors dangeroys men who only want to control, *** and exert inappropriate power over women or partners by skipping tge trust amd relatuonship build and live out a ONS fantasy.
They do this by skipping the protocols SSC, RACK, etc.
My advice is that if you're looking for a real connection, use your vetting protocol.
Ask them the difference between a kink and a fetish.
Ask them to provide you with references if they've ever had a sub and for how long and how and why it ended and what the dynamic was. You should be able to speak to that person just like a job, because this is a contract.
Any person entering into a b d s m contract is taking on the responsibility for the care and well being of the other person emotionally and physically.Therefore, this bs of I'm a dom, I want a one night stand and I just want you to do what I say when I say it, is absolute nonsense.
It has to be built on trust, safety and a want help you reach your desires.
Daddies/Doms/Dommes don't exist to please themselves.They exist to open the world of their little and explore it together. It should never be one sided

[Sl****]

Agreed with what she said ^

[Deleted Member]

Many guys in the ‘Dom’ position will simply use the title to get laid or be ignorant. Be careful, be smart, be picky. Ask a lot of questions, don’t let them rush you into anything. When I say move at a snails pace that’s an understatement. 2 weeks at minimum in the vetting stage, no sexual contact. Thats about how long it takes people to show their true colors. Good luck sweets.

[po****]

It's a numbers game, unfortunately you'll probably have to sacrifice quality.

[Em****]

I talk to people online (longer then most want) if they get bored and move on quickly then they are probably not a good match. First meet up is always in public location and it is just a “meet/greet/vibe” check. Nothing s*xual on the table at all. Just meeting, having coffee, or lunch, dinner. A place where you can actually talk. I never let anyone pay for anything at a first meet. Cause then there are no expectations for “more.” I have discovered that I am a demisexual (someone who requires some sort of emotional/mental/intellectual connection before I can even think about moving forward to anything sexual.) A lot of people aren’t like that. They are straight to sex. If a person gives me that sort of vibe from the get go then I know they are probably not a good choice for me. I start out every single conversation with a “Please, no unsolicited dic pics. Impress me some other way. Dic pics are a dime a dozen. If I want one I will ask for one, but don’t randomly send one over without asking first.” I move slow, I am a “slow burn” according to my husband. I am not looking for a 1NS or someone who is D2F. I want something that will be deeper then that and more ongoing. There have been plenty of men who would be more than willing to f*ck me and move on but that isn’t what interests me. I move slowly and know I am worth the wait. If a guy (or girl) can’t understand that then I know they are not for me. Have you tried Feeld? Their app drives me crazy, but I have met a lot of really nice, sincere people on there. Ones that aren’t just looking for a f*ck and run. 😊

[ka****]

I personally love to learn about others so I know how to Dom that individual, as I have found either I'm not going fast enough and no one is communicating it to me, I like to go a little slower then most because in my view a daddy Dom should be about sensual play over sexual play