Molly's BDSM Tips | My Daddy Dom Has Gone Cold on Me

Our resident BDSM advice columnist Molly Moore gives some sound advice to a Fetish.com member, who finds that her Daddy Dom/babygirl relationship dynamic suddenly changes after her Daddy Dom moves in...

Dear Molly,
I am currently in a Daddy Dom/babygirl (dd/bg) relationship with my partner. We live together with my children who are 8 and 11. The kids go away fairly frequently to visit their father, but a lot of the time they're with us. My new partner has only been living with us for a number of months, but him moving in seems to have changed how he feels about our dd/bg relationship dynamic, and I am at a loss as to how to fix things. 

When the kids are away, we still do some kink play, but it seems to be getting less and less, and although he pays lip service - calling me babygirl and his baby, he doesn't seem that engaged in wanting to do anything more, and I am really struggling with how to deal with this.

I really love my Daddy Dom, finding him and developing our dd/bg relationship has made the happiest I have ever been, and I don't want to lose it, but I don't know how to get it back. Do you have any advice for me?
Lost babygirl.

Dear Lost babygirl,
I'm sorry that your partner moving in has been challenging for your dd/bg relationship. You don't say whether your Daddy Dom has any experience of being a parent or not, but I'm going to assume that he probably doesn't, and I think that may be part of the problem here.

Your Daddy Dom has moved into your space where you're already the person in control as the parent and making all the decisions for yourself and your children. This is absolutely as it should be and shouldn't ever change - unless that was something you specifically negotiated. My partner and I have lived together for seven years, and my parenting is one of the areas of my life that remains outside our D/s dynamic. 

However, it can be very hard for the new adult coming into such a situation to work out where their place is and where those boundaries and expectations lay. Before moving in together, I suspect that much of the time you spent together was purely focused on your dd/bg relationship where you were both the centre of each other's attention. Now that has shifted as day-to-day life has crept in, not just your children, but all the stresses that life brings - jobs, bills, shopping, tiredness and so on. 
 

Be open and honest

The key to fixing this, in my opinion, is to be really open and honest with one another. Even though you are the babygirl in the relationship, you absolutely need to express to your Daddy Dom that you feel like something is not right and that you want to explore together how you can improve things. I do think it is important, however, that you do not present it in such a way as to lay blame - but to show it as something you both need to work on. 

You should talk to your partner about his role with your children and how you see that working, and what you're both comfortable with. He is used to you being his babygirl, so you need to work out together how parenting works within your relationship so that you can both enjoy your dd/bg relationship dynamic alongside those other roles.  
 

Take time to reconnect

In practical terms, I would suggest maybe having some time away together to reconnect physically and to give yourself some space away from the home environment and to talk about what you both need to be happy. However, if the budget doesn't allow this, then set up a proper date weekend with your Daddy Dom while the kids away and arrange the time so that some of it is set aside for talking and making a plan together on how you're going to work on these issues.
 

Focus on your dd/bg relationship 

Other smaller practical suggestions are agreeing on a set time each week (or month) where you both sit down and talk about how things are going. Try not to let the everyday tasks of being an adult come into this too much, but focus on your dd/bg relationship. Think of these as little check-in meetings where you look at things together and talk about the things you would like to do together. 

Tell each other the things you really like and have enjoyed together. You can also try sharing erotic stories or porn with your Daddy Dom that particularly turns you on. If you're having trouble finding porn, then take a look at Tumblr - but you will need to make an account to see adult content. There are a lot of pictures, short videos and GIFs under the dd/bg or dd/lg tag that you might find works for you. Use this as a way to start a conversation about what it is about that story you find sexy, and what bits of it you feel like you might like to try. 

The key thing is to learn how to communicate well with one another so that you can both express how you are feeling, and explore ways in which you can develop and grow your relationship so that you're both happy and fulfilled.

Good luck 
Molly X

Looking for BDSM tips or advice?  Contact Molly via her Fetish.com profile or visit her thread in the BDSM Forum.

 

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