How many stay friends

[slavewife]

Bit random but just wanted to ask.

You have been and seen and talked together for months but you get to stage it's not for you. 

How many stay friends or is it a no go area and you drift apart 

Have you been with other half (sorry don't know word) but stayed friends for life or do you disconnect all ties.

Just wondering what others have done as sing says DO YOU STAY OR DO YOU GO completely 

[Ar****]

When I have had a serious relationship these have tended to end badly for me and we go our separate ways (which I am not sure there is any need for), but for people I have dated or when I've had less serious "things" with others I have almost always stayed on good terms with them, in fact I can honestly say some of my best friends are what some people might call exes from going back over a decade and a half ago.

The way I see it, if you choose to be with someone, in any way, before you do that you will usually have gained a good feel for the person. If they weren't already a friend or acquaintance, hopefully you have talked with them enough to get their "vibe", learn their energy, find out if you "click" before getting into anything semi-regular or more serious (it is perhaps less important for short-term/impulsive/one-off affairs). If the person was right for you to pursue such a liaison with initially, then one hopes that there is still enough respect and platonic love between the two of you to still move forward as friends, to not discard the other good things you offered each other (trust, friendship, support) just because a relationship has failed. After all, you recognised something positive and worthwhile in one another before, and those traits haven't gone anywhere.

It isn't a hard and fast philosophy; we meet narcissists, gaslighters, people who simply aren't who they appeared (or whom we believed/wished them) to be. But if you both have a positive open and warm heart, and if you BOTH recognise it isn't right carrying on as you are, can be happy and supportive of the other moving on with new partners with no regrets or jealousy, then salvage what you can.

Edited September 28, 2020 by Aranhis

[Deleted Member]

I was ***d to end my relationship due to my numerous problems and setbacks. But we're still close friends. We know how to be just friends, since we started that way at first before getting together. The feelings have pretty much faded, and she found a new boyfriend.

[Paddywack-3112]

I know how you feel, it depends on how many new flavors get added to the mix

[Deleted Member]

I think a lot depends on the individuals themselves and how emotionally attached each of them is. Sometimes friends is easy sometimes not. Sometimes it's easier for those involved to walk away completely.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Aranhis said:

It isn't a hard and fast philosophy; we meet narcissists, gaslighters, people who simply aren't who they appeared (or whom we believed/wished them) to be. But if you both have a positive open and warm heart, and if you BOTH recognise it isn't right carrying on as you are, can be happy and supportive of the other moving on with new partners with no regrets or jealousy, then salvage what you can.

I think you nailed it here!!! Those who accept and respect with good will the decision of the other then an ongoing friendship has happened.  

I always discuss the ending at the beginning and expectations around that because it rarely is,  "and they lived kinkily ever after. The end"!

💋🔥💋

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

  "and they lived kinkily ever after. The end"!

💋🔥💋

Sadly true

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

Sadly true

No need for sadness,  acknowledge it then you give it no power x🔥x

[Carnelian2]

For me it varies; I used to break off contact completely. These days I find that you can have a friendship with some people, because you know the other person so much better, but it really varies on the circumstances and person involved. Relationships are about so much more than the kink itself. 

 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Firewitch said:

No need for sadness,  acknowledge it then you give it no power x🔥x

Yet we can't help how we feel, sadness is not an emotion we can dismiss through *** of will alone, sadly 😂😂x

[ey****]

At the risk of projecting...

I've found the concept of "let's stay friends" to be a nice idea but one that often just drifts off anyway.

And you can look back and find someone who was a huge part of your life for however-long is now just a stranger.

I think somewhat a lot can become awkward, "Let's stay friends" ok, what do friends do? and everything seems ***d.

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

At the risk of projecting...

I've found the concept of "let's stay friends" to be a nice idea but one that often just drifts off anyway.

And you can look back and find someone who was a huge part of your life for however-long is now just a stranger.

I think somewhat a lot can become awkward, "Let's stay friends" ok, what do friends do? and everything seems ***d.

I think that's a good point

[Me****]

i can only offer my narrow worldview.

after 20 years of devotion to my friend, it is more than i can bear to even speak to her.

The slightest contact sends me into a rolling head f@?% and so i literally cannot even think about what we shared.

She has to stay gone. 

All i can do is erase my best friend from my head.

Denial.....20 years that never happened.

[Me****]

3 hours ago, Firewitch said:

No need for sadness,  acknowledge it then you give it no power x🔥x

word🔥

 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, METALSIR said:

 

All i can do is erase my best friend from my head.

 

Same with one I've cared deeply for. I have to delete everything, photos etc. It helps me to stop looking backwards 

[Deleted Member]

Good question, i think it depends on the person, how the relationship ended and if you have moved past romantic feelings. And you have also got to give it time. 

 

Me and my ex of 8 years are trying to stay friends as we have the same friends. We both now have different partners. Its not easy, my ex seems to get on with me better when I am single. We have been split up for 2 years now and we both  decided together to end it. I think he is very happy in his current relationship but still finds it difficult to see me with someone else which is understandable. We were together from when were were 16 til we were 24...So we had spent a 3rd of our life together. 

 

Edited September 28, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

I have to say my ex wife and i are still really close. When i found out she was getting married I was so so happy for her and was the first to send a lovely bunch of flowers. She knew when we were together something was very off with me yet still stood with me all the way till the end. When we divorced there were no solicitors involved, no courts or arguments. We parted as friends and that will always be so, however I understand that is an exception to the rule. She knows all about who I am now and does nothing but support me and for that I will be forever grateful

[Deleted Member]

OK I'll be honest I haven't read everything here (just too much) but of the 3 last girlfriends I've had, I have remained fast friends with all 3, although 1 of them a few months later broke off all contact but that was unrelated to the break up. 

The 2 remaining are and will be friends for life! In most situations I believe there is no need to no longer be friends after a break up. Messy break ups are damaging to all parties involved. And if an amicable parting can not be achieved best to walk away with no shouting and accept it didn't work and move on. 

[Wo****]

I'm still friends with my ex ldr and I love him as fiercely as I ever did, we're just not involved sexually anymore.

Pirate and I have gone from being almost primary partners in a D/s dynamic to being "just" friends and playmates.

I haven't stopped loving these men, it just changed.

 

I treasure the bond and friendship we had, and have.

[Koby]

Mostly for me , when it comes to break up's in general I tend to favour "Short term ***,long term gain"

I guess I favour abruptly ending connections, to begin the healing and reflective process. Slowly the emotional connection between myself and the other person becomes weakened or dissipates

I always reflect that my connection to this person was only meant to be a brief crossing of paths. So there is no need to linger or dwell too much on that connection.

Value and Appreciate the moments spent together always.

[Carnelian2]

Until recently, I always had a somewhat black and white perspective on keeping in touch, where I tended to break off contact when it was over. I have a different perspective now, in that when I got divorced the first time, it was messy and I really did not want to have anything to do with my ex-wife, but since we had two lovely daughters, that was not really a choice. 

WIth my second wife, and divorce, we have managed to do this amicably - one solicitor involved to get the paper-work done, and we are still good friends and keep in touch.

I also have a couple of close friends from previous relationships and it does have certain advantages being with someone who just knows you.

It takes effort, though, and I am still learning. Particularly, since my default setting is to draw a line under it and move on. 

[Deleted Member]

Definitely separate. Its just too emotional otherwise.