Being spurned and taking it in good grace.

[Deleted Member]

 

 

I think we have all done it, started to chat to another with the possibility of something happening then for one reason or another it has gone nowhere. One may for whatever reason realise that the other is not a good match. It's happened to me a couple of times, I've invested in another to find the next day a change of heart. For me yes it niggles a touch for a couple of days yet I always reach the same conclusion, she was not the one, she was not a match so better this way, better to part company now than invest even more to amplify the feelings of disappointment and hurt further down the line. It's not easy and it's not nice but that is the dating game especially the online dating game. Once I've calmed my emotions and thought it through carefully I generally wish the other well on their journey and am always pleased to see if they make a connection and build something elsewhere. Just because I was not their kettle of fish, just because I didn't match up to their expectations and wants it in no way causes me any bitterness or spite. 

 

However what does cause me anger is to then find out through whatever means that private conversations have then been shared with another. When I talk to someone whether it be here on or anywhere else I expect the contents of those conversations to remain private, for no one else. It's a courtesy I always stick to as we all know trust is so important yet those who break that trust really show themselves for what they are and again a definite bullet dodged there.

 

So generally i let it go,move on, yet sadly this is not the case for all, sadly some hold grudges, lie, break trust when topics were discussed in private. Tell others what has been said and sometimes even twist the truth of what actually happened  so it suits their own agenda. These for me are the ones who I try to avoid but again they are not easy to spot sometimes before it's too late. It's a lesson i've learned the hard way to hold my own counsel until i can see another can be trusted to keep private conversations just that, private. Yet some who are spurned or rejected for whatever reason carry spite and anger, let it fester within, let it twist the truth in their own minds and this is a huge mistake. Bitterness and spite only poison from within, only cause *** for the individual who carries those negative emotions so as hard as it is at times for me, it's better to take a breath, wish them well and move on, comfortable that the right decision has been made.

[Bo****]

Yet again another worldly wise train of thought ,majestically pulls out of the intellect of Donnykinkster.......n glides on a cloud of reason ,on shiny rails into kink positive space......
Thank you,n big respect🙏

[Deleted Member]

Thank you Donnykinkster this hits a nerve! Just been binned this morning lol

[Deleted Member]

Just now, TAROTT said:

Thank you Donnykinkster this hits a nerve! Just been binned this morning lol

It's not easy, I've spoke for weeks to wake the next morning to a block. We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down, take a breath and try to move on. Easier said than done I concede but what other choice do we have.

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, Boldbald said:

Yet again another worldly wise train of thought ,majestically pulls out of the intellect of Donnykinkster.......n glides on a cloud of reason ,on shiny rails into kink positive space......
Thank you,n big respect🙏

Thank you and as always your replies, the way they are worded make me 😊. Needed today.

[Deleted Member]

It’s like the story of the man who pushes a large rock up a hill gets it to the top and then ***ly watches it roll back to the bottom .Its so unpredictable but once in a while every now and then the stars align the connections and will hopefully reward us .

[Deleted Member]

Just now, TAROTT said:

.Its so unpredictable but once in a while every now and then the stars align the connections and will hopefully reward us .

And that is exactly how I look at it. We must never lose hope of what tomorrow may bring.

[Wo****]

4 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

And that is exactly how I look at it. We must never lose hope of what tomorrow may bring.

It does happen, it really does...

Stay true to everything you are. You are respected, loved and admired for your radical honesty.

😙

 

[De****]

Absolutely appalling behaviour to post this. (And yet another example of carping back to another thread). If you feel the need to insult a member of the community such as myself then at least show the fortitude to be upfront about it. I would be happy to comment further and provide the backstory, all so often missing from your regular posts, but believe that it would in this case be inappropriate so will just my views on record

[Deleted Member]

Oh, I am sorry to read this 😟 Whenever something hasn’t worked out I feel low for days after - but to discover that privacy hasn’t been kept too? That’s very wrong.

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, Demi_Seraphina said:

Absolutely appalling behaviour to post this. (And yet another example of carping back to another thread). If you feel the need to insult a member of the community such as myself then at least show the fortitude to be upfront about it. I would be happy to comment further and provide the backstory, all so often missing from your regular posts, but believe that it would in this case be inappropriate so will just my views on record

He hasn’t named anyone?

[De****]

2 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

He hasn’t named anyone?

No, but it refers back to another thread that ultimately became somewhat abusive. 

[Deleted Member]

36 minutes ago, Demi_Seraphina said:

Absolutely appalling behaviour to post this. (And yet another example of carping back to another thread). If you feel the need to insult a member of the community such as myself then at least show the fortitude to be upfront about it. I would be happy to comment further and provide the backstory, all so often missing from your regular posts, but believe that it would in this case be inappropriate so will just my views on record

At least you had the balls to say what you think , is it an insult when it's the truth? This is the thing people just don't like, the truth. You were told things by me and then shared those thoughts. For some reason you and @oneminuse especially have been on a little witch hunt rhe last couple of months. I would have dm you directly if i were not blocked bit this isbnot all aboit you, do not flatter yourself. I've already dm and spoke to oneminusone and we are settled. You have misled slightly for some reason our interactions with your man, he went after me yet all the way i was the perfect gent., showed you nothing  but respect. Who was there through those tough couple of months? No i wont carry this one.

 

Unblock and dm

Edited September 29, 2020 by Deleted Member
Better choice of words

[li****]

Here we go again 🙄🔫

[Deleted Member]

32 minutes ago, Demi_Seraphina said:

No, but it refers back to another thread that ultimately became somewhat abusive. 

Right. I can’t see where it refers back to another thread. But I’m getting the gist. It is both the downside and a highlight of a small community like Fetish. If there’s a clash it’s VERY visible like you and Donny today. It’s going to happen every now and again. Fetmod steps in, things calm down, tempers flare next week, repeat. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Curvykate said:

Right. I can’t see where it refers back to another thread. But I’m getting the gist. It is both the downside and a highlight of a small community like Fetish. If there’s a clash it’s VERY visible like you and Donny today. It’s going to happen every now and again. Fetmod steps in, things calm down, tempers flare next week, repeat. 🤷🏻‍♀️

On the *** as always 😊

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Lapsus said:

 the confusion it leaves and be very unsettling.
 

Agree, unsettling it is when your used to messages every day with one you think your beginning to understand

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

On the *** as always 😊

☺️ I am so wise. I mean, it’s not as though I ever argue with anyone. 😬

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

☺️ I am so wise. I mean, it’s not as though I ever argue with anyone. 😬

You are actually quite wise, and as I know well you fight your corner 😊

[De****]

11 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Right. I can’t see where it refers back to another thread. But I’m getting the gist. It is both the downside and a highlight of a small community like Fetish. If there’s a clash it’s VERY visible like you and Donny today. It’s going to happen every now and again. Fetmod steps in, things calm down, tempers flare next week, repeat. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It most certainly is. I also wonder if it in a way reflects well in some ways on some of the community and members. For example, there are times in hindsight where I wish I’d said more and defended myself more. I let myself be pushed down because I didn’t have the confidence to push back. Now I’ve found my fire and am not afraid to stand up for myself (the more observant may have noticed🙄) and that is due in a large part to some of the members on this site.

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Demi_Seraphina said:

Now I’ve found my fire and am not afraid to stand up for myself (the more observant may have noticed🙄) 

It's good to see, really 😊. Please dont rip my head off 😉

[Ra****]

I agree there is no need to be spiteful and cause upset. If you feel no connection be nice and as you say so politely

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Demi_Seraphina said:

It most certainly is. I also wonder if it in a way reflects well in some ways on some of the community and members. For example, there are times in hindsight where I wish I’d said more and defended myself more. I let myself be pushed down because I didn’t have the confidence to push back. Now I’ve found my fire and am not afraid to stand up for myself (the more observant may have noticed🙄) and that is due in a large part to some of the members on this site.

I think it is a journey actually - forums like this are always going to have a range of characters as in real life. Sometimes it’s easier to find your fire online and then realise that we’ve not defended ourselves elsewhere. I’ve found that to be true and now I feel that I don’t actually need to be as fiery, I guess. It’s good to stand up for ourselves always.

[blue_diamond]

[Phoenyx]

There can be many aspects to this.  Often, it is not a case of being "spurned"---but, of two lives moving in different directions.  On another thread, the one on "Submission...", I have posted some thoughts on this.  For those interested, here is the link:

https://www.fetish.com/topic/16501-submission/?tab=comments#comment-75331

Edited September 29, 2020 by Phoenyx