De**** Posted October 24 Most submissive men believe they’re looking for someone to take control of them. Maybe they have a *** kink, find it arousing to be humiliated, to be seen as less then or even worthless in some instances. That is not my ministry. The submissive men l seem to attract are the ones craving permission. Permission to stop performing, to stop being the man who always has to know, fix, decide, and provide. Permission to stop pretending they know all the answers. When they first engage with me, they often arrive guarded. Some hide behind humour or sarcasm. Others wear cynicism like armour, convinced that real connection is a trick. A few apologise for wanting too much, as if desire itself were something shameful. Most are uncomfortable when I ask them to locate emotion outside of being turned on. They know how to talk about being hard, the fantasy they have their mind of a Mistress who will fulfil their darkest and most dirtiest desires. But they stumble when asked to notice where they feel me in their body, or what part of them tightens when I ask a direct question. But then, slowly, the armour starts to slip. Attention, care, safety becomes a language they understand. They begin to realise that what I want isn’t obedience for its own sake. Gratuitous sexual encounters that are there to please the body but never stimulate the mind. I want their truth. I want to see the moment they stop performing and start feeling. My dominance isn’t about ***. It’s about focus. It’s a combination of knowing intimately how submission feels, but also how it can be ***d through cruelty, neglect, disinterest and doms focused only on feeding their egos. I don’t break men; I unfold them, until the armour drops and the real man, the tender, uncertain, hungry one, steps forward. That’s where devotion begins. To serve me well, a man doesn’t need to be perfect. He just needs to be willing to let me see him before he has polished the edges. That is the point of power I find most erotic, the moment a man realises that being owned isn’t about losing himself. It’s about finally being allowed to exist in the fullness of what moves him and what turns him on. With me, his Mistress, being at the centre of that. What do other Dommes find with their subs? What do subs think about this?
peavley Posted October 24 That "A man doesn't need to be perfect" reminds me of an ode I wrote a fair time back now.To the people who love you, you are beautiful already. This is not because they're blind to your shortcomings but because they so clearly see your soul. Your shortcomings then dim by comparison. The people who care about you are willing to let you be imperfect and beautiful,too.
Milkchocoguy Posted October 24 Wow,you really do get it.thank you for putting that into words!could I get your permission to use your words here?
Deleted Member Posted October 24 Well said, I had a highly stressful and dangerous job at one point in my life and I began to make life destroying/ending decisions i. A desperate attempt to de-stress. I think I was just creating some space in my life that allowed me to disassociate with my job. Thankfully, I had a supportive partner who also taught me a better healthier way to deal with my stress and anxiety.
tu**** Posted October 24 Love this so much. I think something like this is end goal in how I want to interact with my subs. Still developing the process that gets to that point.
Mo**** Posted October 24 How intriguing, I'd also like to reach and teach a similar state of mind. Do to my lack of practice and willing resource I find exploration a challenge. But this is somewhat a fantasy of mine as well.
lo**** Posted October 24 As a male seeking help exploring my sub side... First I am nowhere near a dominant male i have always been more on the soft side. I have had some experience with kink but my partner always expects me to be dominant. I just want to be able to surrender. I also have always found strong dominant women sexy as hell.
Ms**** Posted October 24 I could not have said it better myself. Beautiful... not to break, but to unfold.
De**** Posted October 24 Author 4 hours ago, Milkchocoguy said: Wow,you really do get it.thank you for putting that into words!could I get your permission to use your words here? Sure
Subfocus Posted October 24 Well I wish you would do this for women. It’s very hard to find your level of balance. Thanks for a great post.
MistressKanade Posted October 25 I guess I'm a little confused. How do you get their guard down? Also what advice would you have for a woman that being dominate isn't natural to?
ey**** Posted October 25 5 minutes ago, MistressKanade said: I guess I'm a little confused. How do you get their guard down? Also what advice would you have for a woman that being dominate isn't natural to? whilst different guys want different things when it comes to letting a guard down there has to be a lot of trust and also knowing that it's safe. That inhibitions can be let go of without *** of judgement. Without *** stuff won't get done. Without *** of feeling weak, pathetic, inferior or stupid.
De**** Posted October 26 Author 11 hours ago, MistressKanade said: I guess I'm a little confused. How do you get their guard down? Also what advice would you have for a woman that being dominate isn't natural to? Consistency, honesty and a genuine interest goes a long way to helping submissives relax. You have find ways to show them you aren’t a threat to them and l don’t mean in a typical sense but as someone said in the comments, often submissives are made to feel that they are less than for their desires. That they may be ridiculed etc so when any submissive engages with me they are clear from the outside that I am serious. No laughing or joking until we’ve established a clear connection- my job is soothe and create a foundation of safety. My advice? You cannot pretend to be something you not and whilst doms can be trained l do think there needs to be something natural there otherwise under stress your training will drop and you can’t hurt someone.
De**** Posted October 26 Author Just now, dartford848358 said: Consistency, honesty and a genuine interest goes a long way to helping submissives relax. You have find ways to show them you aren’t a threat to them and l don’t mean in a typical sense but as someone said in the comments, often submissives are made to feel that they are less than for their desires. That they may be ridiculed etc so when any submissive engages with me they are clear from the outside that I am serious. No laughing or joking until we’ve established a clear connection- my job is soothe and create a foundation of safety. My advice? You cannot pretend to be something you not and whilst doms can be trained l do think there needs to be something natural there otherwise under stress your training will drop and you can’t hurt someone. *can
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