Where's the effort?

[Nu****]

I’m sorry, I wish that we would do better

[KeziKarma]

Tuesday at 11:24 PM, Ropestone said:

😳?? While one cannot, in all honesty, quibble with that person's taste - they clearly haven't studied Your profile at all!

Took one look at Your wonderful picture - leapt effortlessly to the wrongest conclusion possible. No attempt to engage with You as a human being..

Sigh...

After I received the message I had to check my profile to make sure I hadn’t accidentally clicked something I was unaware of 😂

[ja****]

I can't speak for all guys, but I will say that many of us do write polite thoughtful messages and if we're not good looking enough for our dick isn't big enough don't even get a response. It seems like that is never a discussion there's always a reason why it's perfectly okay to ignore polite men

[ja****]

Wednesday at 03:38 AM, LadyLexi7 said:

How hard is it to take a minute or two to read someone's profile before sending them a message??? I've had my account for not even 48 hours and of the nearly 50 messages or so I've received, only a very small percentage of them have actually read my profile and understand that I don't want to be a kink-dispenser (honestly, who does?). The ironic thing is that I see so many people complaining about not getting responses to their messages. You can't send thirsty messages just wanting people to be your kink dispenser and expect to get a favorable response.

Because plenty of guys do read profiles and they do write thoughtful appropriate messages and they still get ignored, the irony is the women that complain the most about this are the ones that don't respond to 99% of the messages they get

[JackJonesHull]

Honestly, and obviously I can only speak for my own opinion, men are rabid. It's a generalisation I know, but why the hell not generalise, everyone else is.

One of the problems is, this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, men, again on the whole, don't know they're doing it. It's become almost expected. Maybe it's society's conditioning and building certain behaviours. But abnormal ill behaviour has become normalised. Instant gratification from instant communication has created a brashness and bluntness which is unpleasant.

Conversation is a thing of the past.

For everything, includes things I hope I have not done, I'm truly sorry.

[Ropestone]

11 hours ago, KeziKarma said:

After I received the message I had to check my profile to make sure I hadn’t accidentally clicked something I was unaware of 😂

Eeeek! Hope I'm not in trouble??? 🤐😍

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, jaxboro58399 said:

I can't speak for all guys, but I will say that many of us do write polite thoughtful messages and if we're not good looking enough for our dick isn't big enough don't even get a response. It seems like that is never a discussion there's always a reason why it's perfectly okay to ignore polite men

You're perfectly able to start a discussion yourself about "why it's perfectly okay to ignore polite men". And i doubt women will h*jack it as men have h*jacked this discussion.

[ey****]

9 hours ago, jaxboro58399 said:

I will say that many of us do write polite thoughtful messages and if we're not good looking enough for our dick isn't big enough don't even get a response. It seems like that is never a discussion there's always a reason why it's perfectly okay to ignore polite men

I feel the thing to remember is there isn't a silver bullet.   No matter how good we feel our messages are.   There is also the kinda issue that sometimes folk send messages which aren't as good as they think (something we've all been guilty of at some point) 

But then when there's an assumption made on a lack of response - this does ask questions... like the assumption is that it's looks (plausible) or cock size (err... how does she know? She shouldn't have this info from a first message?!) ignores so many variables 

The kinda big issue is that the amount of women who have at times looked at a message and thought "that's a good message, but I'm not interested" and decided to at least give a response - only to then be greeted with anything from ***, to 20 questions (but why though, what can I improve, how do you know, etc) it's sometimes not worth the energy.  And understandable - if you get a pizza menu through the door and it looks good but you don't want pizza, you don't phone them up and say "thanks for the menu, but I'm not interested" -- though -- you might like it and get back as and when you have more energy. Might.

 

[Ar****]

9 hours ago, jaxboro58399 said:

It seems like that is never a discussion there's always a reason why it's perfectly okay to ignore polite men

There have been several discussion about this, right here on this site/app.

 

The short answer is the same reason it's perfectly okay to ignore a cold caller who visits your house to talk about religion or your energy supplier etc, even if they were the most polite person in the world.

[th****]

Wednesday at 03:38 AM, LadyLexi7 said:

How hard is it to take a minute or two to read someone's profile before sending them a message??? I've had my account for not even 48 hours and of the nearly 50 messages or so I've received, only a very small percentage of them have actually read my profile and understand that I don't want to be a kink-dispenser (honestly, who does?). The ironic thing is that I see so many people complaining about not getting responses to their messages. You can't send thirsty messages just wanting people to be your kink dispenser and expect to get a favorable response.

You're absolutely right, people should read before sending a message. But humans are impulsive. Good luck 👍🏼

[Curiously_Exploring]

10 hours ago, jaxboro58399 said:

Because plenty of guys do read profiles and they do write thoughtful appropriate messages and they still get ignored, the irony is the women that complain the most about this are the ones that don't respond to 99% of the messages they get

You need to remember that there are far fewer women on this app than men.
We can't reply to everyone, and we certainly are not obligated to.
Take your entitlement elsewhere.

[Da****]

Funny you haven't heard from women. Also funny to me that you have this experience with men.

Women on dating apps seem to rarely respond to actual humanity in messages. "Hello, how are you? I like your profile and what you said about ____" doesn't seem to get much response. Maybe I'm Dad-joke level comedy, but humor doesn't seem to get replies....

I'm starting to wonder if the directly-horny, dick-pic-first, introductions-later guys don't know something. MAYBE it's working for them, and that's why so many continue to do it? All I know is online dating is something else!

[ey****]

46 minutes ago, DaddyAye said:

Women on dating apps seem to rarely respond to actual humanity in messages. "Hello, how are you? I like your profile and what you said about ____" doesn't seem to get much response. Maybe I'm Dad-joke level comedy, but humor doesn't seem to get replies....

Because like... if they're not interested (for whatever reason) there's no obligation for them to make any effort to reply.    Also an assumption of course that they've even read it.   

This doesn't, of course, mean they don't quietly appreciate an effort.  

I've had people who I've messaged, and had no response. It happens. So on. Left on read, no problem. Whatever.  Then days, weeks, later had a reply and sometimes it might be because they hadn't got round to a response - and then sometimes perhaps something I'd said on a forum or somewhere had re-prompted them.   

I'm also aware of people who've been sitting going to respond to someone who has then saw something they've said somewhere and gone "lol nope" 

The main thing sometimes is to be happy with the level of effort you are putting in, whilst also appreciative that no response is a response - but one that can change.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, DaddyAye said:

Funny you haven't heard from women. Also funny to me that you have this experience with men.

Women on dating apps seem to rarely respond to actual humanity in messages. "Hello, how are you? I like your profile and what you said about ____" doesn't seem to get much response. Maybe I'm Dad-joke level comedy, but humor doesn't seem to get replies....

I'm starting to wonder if the directly-horny, dick-pic-first, introductions-later guys don't know something. MAYBE it's working for them, and that's why so many continue to do it? All I know is online dating is something else!

OR you could listen to what women are saying about these dick men and their dick messages. Hey ho.

[je****]

November 16, fififufu said:

OR you could listen to what women are saying about these dick men and their dick messages. Hey ho.

So generic

[Deleted Member]

It’s so sad. I’ve gotten some weird and shocking messages. It was definitely a shock for me when I first joined because I thought this was a kinky dating app and not a hook up app. I don’t do hook ups but I get so many messages about it and I’ve gotten photos sent. I just don’t answer them because it’s so weird. You wouldn’t just go up to someone at a kinky event and say the most degrading and bizarre things when you don’t know this person or have a contract in place. I’m not a fan so far. I’m just hoping this still works and I can find a real love connection with a dom on this app or at an event.

[Bi****]

As a guy it's frustrating to try to talk to women either no response or asking for ***. Do I want to hook up yes do I jump right in the conversation no. I don't send nudes pics unless you ask.

[Bb****]

@bigdude_69 I haven't been online for a while. My bad

[Bi****]

3 hours ago, BbwBaby7 said:

@bigdude_69 I haven't been online for a while. My bad

Um ok

[Da****]

November 16, fififufu said:

OR you could listen to what women are saying about these dick men and their dick messages. Hey ho.

i guess we've all had different experiences. there's good feedback in this thread tho.

[Da****]

November 16, eyemblacksheep said:

Because like... if they're not interested (for whatever reason) there's no obligation for them to make any effort to reply.    Also an assumption of course that they've even read it.   

This doesn't, of course, mean they don't quietly appreciate an effort.  

I've had people who I've messaged, and had no response. It happens. So on. Left on read, no problem. Whatever.  Then days, weeks, later had a reply and sometimes it might be because they hadn't got round to a response - and then sometimes perhaps something I'd said on a forum or somewhere had re-prompted them.   

I'm also aware of people who've been sitting going to respond to someone who has then saw something they've said somewhere and gone "lol nope" 

The main thing sometimes is to be happy with the level of effort you are putting in, whilst also appreciative that no response is a response - but one that can change.

i appreciate the perspective. I'm chewing on the meat.

[Gentlemandom47]

You’re not wrong. Impatience and low-effort openers don’t signal desire or confidence — they signal entitlement.

 

A decent interaction starts with curiosity, restraint, and the ability to tolerate not getting an immediate response. If someone can’t manage that, they’re not ready for connection of any kind, kink or otherwise.

 

For what it’s worth, not everyone here operates that way. Some of us prefer conversation, pacing, and mutual interest over instant gratification. It takes longer — but it filters out a lot of noise.

 

You’re right to expect better.

[Gentlemandom47]

On 12/3/2025 at 1:04 PM, anangelnextdoor said:

It’s so sad. I’ve gotten some weird and shocking messages. It was definitely a shock for me when I first joined because I thought this was a kinky dating app and not a hook up app. I don’t do hook ups but I get so many messages about it and I’ve gotten photos sent. I just don’t answer them because it’s so weird. You wouldn’t just go up to someone at a kinky event and say the most degrading and bizarre things when you don’t know this person or have a contract in place. I’m not a fan so far. I’m just hoping this still works and I can find a real love connection with a dom on this app or at an event.

You’ve put that very clearly — and I agree. Kink without context, consent, or connection isn’t kink at all, it’s just noise.

 

The comparison to a real-life event is exactly right. No one with any sense of etiquette or experience would behave that way face-to-face, and the screen shouldn’t be an excuse to abandon basic respect.

 

Ignoring those messages is sensible. They tell you everything you need to know without you having to engage.

 

For what it’s worth, there are people here looking for something slower, more intentional, and genuinely relational — but they’re often quieter and harder to spot. I hope you do find the connection you’re looking for, whether here or in the real world.

[fy****]

I ask about mundane stuff. I think we have a fair idea about the sex stuff and we will get to that but I am not trying to dive right into sexting. I'm not having sex with people I don't like so I want to get to know you. Also, turning someone into a sex object is repugnant. Free use and stuff like that can certainly be a dynamic inside whatever relationship you build but it's just so boring for everything to be about fucking.

[wo****]

Since men are the ones who initiate the overwhelming majority of all approaches in male female relationships, it’s not surprising that some do an inadequate job. No group is exempted from that kind of statistical reality. Everyone who understands statistics understands that. Sometimes people forget, or maybe haven’t considered, the bird’s eye view that way.
There is something to be said about how the good and bad are talked about though.