Su**** Posted November 9 (edited) Who here are neurodivergent ? I struggle with people and flirting .. sometimes I get this thing wear I'm like sexually overfocused and like jump over steps and makes me feel bad or I say something someone takes wrong way. Some women like it though when I'm hyper focused. I am ADHD C and I'm on meds for it ..sometimes just makes me horny then feel awful after wears off. I have issues understanding things. What are other neurospicy people's experiences? Edited November 9 by FETMod-HG To help discussion
KnightOfCydonia Posted November 9 What meds are you on? Neurospicy over here too... I've done a LOT of self analysis on the psychology/fetish formation side of things as well as the more general understanding of how the way I am has impacted relationship/sexual interactions in the past (I got my diagnosis relatively late, well into adulthood, so I can see a distinct before-after difference). Shoot me a DM if you'd like to chat about it anyway, I'm always up for hyperfocus-driven chatter!
Do**** Posted November 9 Over here too 🙋🏻♀️ I think it makes me more quirky, up for trying things and less reserved. Only diagnosed this week after years of waiting. I suspect there’s a good representation of neurospiciness within kink.
Th**** Posted November 9 Been diagnosed at 9, and tick all the boxes regarding ADHD. From what I learned your brain learns quickly that Sex=Dopamine and our brains crave dopamine even more than neurological ones do, so yeah it explains why you could be a little overwhelmed sometimes
Th**** Posted November 9 I think the best way to handle this is open communication with your partner, sure it's a little awkward, but when they know why you act like it they might get a different perspective on it, plus like you said some people are also into that as well
Th**** Posted November 9 The most important thing with ADHD in general is not to shame yourself for having it. Shame is scientifically proven to worsen ADHD symptoms and this can create a very vicious cycle
KnightOfCydonia Posted November 9 Agree with both of the above responses. When you look into ADHD/ASD traits and how it plays into fetish formation, it all makes complete sense. D/s power dynamics are very black-and-white in terms of one being the leader, the other the follower. It creates a clear, structured dynamic (whether that person trends towards the D or s role) where you haven't got to 'second guess' yourself in terms of what is expected or acceptable, and also in knowing you're fulfilling your partner's needs and desires. Which is exactly what a neurospicy mind needs. Certainly, in my own youth, I struggled with relationships because I always assumed that, unless a woman made it explicitly clear - in concrete terms - that she was interested in me, it was inappropriate/weird/creepy to make a move, or risked ruining a friendship or making social circles awkward and wasn't worth the risk. Which now, later in life, I look back on as being silly because I'm able to rationalise that being flirtatious or making a romantic approach (in a respectful way, obviously) is a natural part of the human experience and even if it is rejected, isn't a big deal and doesn't result in anything like the social/interpersonal consequences my brain used to catastrophise about. And I guess that's why, in a nutshell, AuDHD traits lean so much into D/s. It just sets boundaries and expectations in plain English, and that suits minds like ours perfectly!
Th**** Posted November 9 Plus, (at least in my experience) especially the role of a submissive Partner offers a role in which I can let myself go an relax which is just awesome if you struggle with anxiety and tend to overthink. Both are common traits of ADHD and also can be mayor roadblocks in your love-life especially in regards to intimacy
In**** Posted November 9 Im autistic. And have various other health conditions. Unfortunately these seem to be what put people off. Started speaking to a dom. And then one morning it was I've changed my mind. Because of your health etc etc. It does not stop me being part of the kink world. I may just have to adapt. And it's wrong that I'm instantly judged. On my autistic side I have to keep backed away a little as I can become hyper focused on a person which comes across as clingy etc and it even annoys me lol.
Su**** Posted November 9 Author 2 hours ago, KnightOfCydonia said: What meds are you on? Neurospicy over here too... I've done a LOT of self analysis on the psychology/fetish formation side of things as well as the more general understanding of how the way I am has impacted relationship/sexual interactions in the past (I got my diagnosis relatively late, well into adulthood, so I can see a distinct before-after difference). Shoot me a DM if you'd like to chat about it anyway, I'm always up for hyperfocus-driven chatter! Elvance 70mg
ar**** Posted November 9 2 hours ago, InkedAngel1991 said: Im autistic. And have various other health conditions. Unfortunately these seem to be what put people off. Started speaking to a dom. And then one morning it was I've changed my mind. Because of your health etc etc. It does not stop me being part of the kink world. I may just have to adapt. And it's wrong that I'm instantly judged. On my autistic side I have to keep backed away a little as I can become hyper focused on a person which comes across as clingy etc and it even annoys me lol. Would you prefer a dom/relations with another neurodivergent person, because they're more understanding and upfront with you? Or doesn't that factor in?
Bk**** Posted November 9 Lay back. Close your eyes, and accept that neurodivergent kinks are kinks in there purest form. We are all a little different, but you and me and thousands of other nuerodivents are the lucky ones 😊
Th**** Posted November 9 I know what you mean, but still Im having a hatd time considering myself lucky because of being neurodivergent. It can be a real curse
Bk**** Posted November 9 2 hours ago, InkedAngel1991 said: Im autistic. And have various other health conditions. Unfortunately these seem to be what put people off. Started speaking to a dom. And then one morning it was I've changed my mind. Because of your health etc etc. It does not stop me being part of the kink world. I may just have to adapt. And it's wrong that I'm instantly judged. On my autistic side I have to keep backed away a little as I can become hyper focused on a person which comes across as clingy etc and it even annoys me lol. Literally this right here!! Love that I can feel this in others!!!
Bk**** Posted November 9 3 hours ago, InkedAngel1991 said: Im autistic. And have various other health conditions. Unfortunately these seem to be what put people off. Started speaking to a dom. And then one morning it was I've changed my mind. Because of your health etc etc. It does not stop me being part of the kink world. I may just have to adapt. And it's wrong that I'm instantly judged. On my autistic side I have to keep backed away a little as I can become hyper focused on a person which comes across as clingy etc and it even annoys me lol. #me too
Th**** Posted November 9 I know what you mean. But im still having a hard time considering myself lucky sometimes. It can be a curse im many ways
Bk**** Posted November 9 6 minutes ago, TheDukeo***l said: I know what you mean, but still Im having a hatd time considering myself lucky because of being neurodivergent. It can be a real curse I pray that you find your neurodivergent safe space in kink. I truly believe that if I were not mildly autistic, there would be no inner kink in me, and that would really be impacting, whereas my autistic traits, serve me well in a neurotypical world.
Bk**** Posted November 9 And by that I mean that I am able to achieve in the ‘ normal’ world, but also in the nuerospicy space……
In**** Posted November 9 42 minutes ago, arnhem961 said: Would you prefer a dom/relations with another neurodivergent person, because they're more understanding and upfront with you? Or doesn't that factor in? I genuinely have no idea. I did try dating another ND once but it didnt work out I think because our hyper focus topics were very different we just clashed
Th**** Posted November 9 Also sry about me spamming, it didnt sent my messages so I repeated it ( see, there it is overexplaining and justifying) but im kinda glad this evolved into a very wholesome experience 😀
Th**** Posted November 9 21 minutes ago, Bkinky4u said: I pray that you find your neurodivergent safe space in kink. I truly believe that if I were not mildly autistic, there would be no inner kink in me, and that would really be impacting, whereas my autistic traits, serve me well in a neurotypical world. Do you have an example? Im really curious bc I always felt that I would not fit in and always be kind of behind
Ne**** Posted November 10 12 hours ago, TheDukeo***l said: Plus, (at least in my experience) especially the role of a submissive Partner offers a role in which I can let myself go an relax which is just awesome if you struggle with anxiety and tend to overthink. Both are common traits of ADHD and also can be mayor roadblocks in your love-life especially in regards to intimacy This is what I want to be able to do/engage in (let myself go and not worry...) and that is part of what it can feel like for Me holding a sub position at a given time. I prefer it without all the typical D/s, protocols, degrading nonsense (sorry, folks 🫶🏼) but still, getting to my sub space and being able to zone out, release, and not be mid-dissociation is invaluable. Nice insight.
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