Introducing a new friend

[de****]

I’ve recently started talking to someone and I really like them.
The issue is, I don’t know if they are mainly vanilla simply because they’ve never experienced kink.
I guess my question is: How do I begin to show them the ropes, what’s a good gauge. I’d appreciate any and all advice.

[Da****]

Watch some stuff together

Display your dominance, if you are a dom

[Si****]

Hi, great question.

I would start with very easy questions, in order to get insight first. It's not a great idea to just assume they will be into it.

Be careful not to push them into it or go all full s***d ahead into your preferences, experience etc.

[KT****]

Just ask. See if they're interested and what sort of things might turn them on. Many people just assume kinks are either fetishistes or hard-core BDSM, but it can have a softer side too.
Talking through the stigma helps 😊

[Ta****]

16 minutes ago, DaddyDom_Owner said:

Watch some stuff together

Display your dominance, if you are a dom

Fucking don't! Consent before playing the alpha-ape

[Ea****]

Just like with a big toy you gotta start slow and small then work your way up accordingly till you reach whatever you need to know 👈👈

[Curiously_Exploring]

25 minutes ago, DaddyDom_Owner said:

Watch some stuff together

Display your dominance, if you are a dom

Without their new partner’s consent?!
Without even any discussions about likes or dislikes?
I see you as a giant walking red flag from your comment. Others will too.

[Sikki]

The way I see it, we’re all curious in our own way. Even if someone’s shy at first, there’s usually a part of them that’s open to trying new things. Once you both get comfortable, start small—bring up a topic, see how interested the other person is, and build from there. If toys come up, lean into that. This lifestyle isn’t just about sex and being done—it’s about enjoying the playful moments, the teasing, the conversations. That’s what really opens someone’s mind to explore more

[de****]

Thanks yall, I’d like to add that their last relationship was abusive. That’s the main reason that I am hesitant to bring it up. Most ppl hear kink and think extreme play. I mentioned that I had unique tastes to them and that I’d like to discuss it as we got to know each other better

[Curiously_Exploring]

I'm not personally experienced with kink yet... and I know the approproach that I would like if I meet someone who is not on this site, if that's helpful?

I think that bringing humour into a situation is always going to be a winner.
A silly comment about being blindfolded or "a bit tied up in something" in a context where I can humorously respond showing interest, or choose not to respond, that sort of thing.

If you become intimate, you could introduce some ideas for discussion away from when you're having 5exy times. For example, "I really like X, have you tried it before?" Or "How would you feel if I did X to you the next time we are..."?

Keep it gentle and fun, don't scare them, always give them the chance to take the lead on the conversation if they want to.
That would be my advice.

[fd****]

Ask them if there are any out of the typical things they’d like to try in the bedroom and if they’ve interested in trying them. 

[Me****]

Doesn't hurt to probe, but first make sure they are comfortable talking about it. Then from there see what excites them the most and ease into that, then build from there.

[sy****]

Ask them. Discuss your desires. If they know what you like they will try to satisfy you. Correct them to you likes don’t belittle. Just guide. You might find they has desires also

[Da****]

Everyone’s taking what I said out of context

I didn’t think it would need to be said given all of our understanding here
The watching stuff together will lead to the convo of we should try that,

And from there
Slowly
SLOWLY
DISPLAY the dominant aspects.

Start with light bondage and paddle play
Move into the situation slowly,

All consentful ofc

[Da****]

3 hours ago, Curiously_Exploring said:

Without their new partner’s consent?!
Without even any discussions about likes or dislikes?
I see you as a giant walking red flag from your comment. Others will too.

I answered to better explain
And i didn’t think I had to

[Co****]

If they are comfortable and it is natural progression allow your discussion with them around this topic to develop more to see if it’s even an area they want to explore.
Never just assume.

It may be that something other than “vanilla” is of interest but they have no idea what flicks their kink switch.

Introducing newbies to kink requires communication, enthusiastic consent, boundaries, and emotional safety.

For most; this finding out can be a gradual process that should be slow, caring and fun.

Remember it’s not for you to coerce them to like what you like.

[Lo****]

Isn't this best approached after you've entered into a physical relationship?

[Ma****]

First of all, has the relationship even entered the physical realm? Secondly, if it has, have you discussed things you like and don't? Like there is a ton of information that we can't know to even help you

[De****]

15 hours ago, DaddyDom_Owner said:

I answered to better explain
And i didn’t think I had to

It’s always better to explain. Never skip that when someone is asking for advice or if you are introducing someone to kink.

If someone followed the advice of “Watch stuff and display your dominance if you’re a dom” You gotta ask yourself if the advice you give actually offers any guidance.

People only took what you said out of context, because you didn’t offer context in the first place.

Everyone makes mistakes though. That’s why communication and community is important. Discussion, role play, and classes help us understand in a safe space to maximize the positive experiences and avoid mistakes. It’s a practice and a journey. It’s so important to know what you are getting into.

Especially when introducing someone new to kink.

Thank you dee8u for bringing this up. This also applies to your question. It’s great that you care enough about this person to walk them through things without forcing your desires on them. I respect that you took the initiative to tap into the community for your situation. Hope it helps you and your friend.

[de****]

I’m sorry I hadn’t responded, adulting sucks. I actually have wanted to thank all of you for your advice. To be honest we’re only talking at the moment. I’m also asking because I myself have only recently allowed myself to explore this side of myself. I always felt off because I got weird looks from partners when I’d mention anything kinky or having multiple partners. Its very refreshing to know that i was just a kinky bastard in a backwater conservative town

[me****]

If I had to make a guess, id be willing to wager she might be able to read your gage already. But thats just coming from my personal experience:)

[de****]

6 hours ago, grand-marais92295 said:

If I had to make a guess, id be willing to wager she might be able to read your gage already. But thats just coming from my personal experience:)

I would hope so. I did mention to her that I had certain tastes that I’d rather discuss In person.

[me****]

Well whats the hold up <3

[Em****]

Another way to gage (when you get closer to the physical) is asking a person what their hard no limits are. If they say no 💩, ***, ***… then you know they aren’t into things that are messy/full of germs. If they say engaging with more then 1 person, then a 3some, or couple play isn’t for them. If they say bring tied up, blindfolded, gagged, spanked ect… you get the point. A hard “no” can help steer you away from what they aren’t into, but might open up the conversation into what they are into…