Venting

[QueenBratt76]

Girl, I feel this.. Breath & embrace what is & who you're becoming. I used to be grabbing a quick thrill, call someone daddy for a day.. but now it's about REAL connection of mutual respect, a genuine feeling of belonging.. it's hard to not cut & run when the world has always shown us we can't trust it. It's easy to kneel, do & perform.. it's harder to stick with it when it's scary good. I choose to experience the hard things so I don't miss out on the good things. and when all else fails, I may wear one of my leather harnesses under my work clothes to help me focus.

[ur****]

In this generation no one wants to be in a relationship or commitment to someone. Once they realize they’re getting close or got what they wanted they leave. It’s not about you.

[to****]

They have to fuck you and always want to make you happy. Not just get some and run away

[wo****]

If a guy just wants to fuck you that isn’t going to turn into more no matter how much you want it to. I think it’s very common for just about everyone to have liked people since middle school without the other person liking them back. The unhappiness, let’s say, from that gets easier to deal with after you have experienced that a few times.

For women it is ridiculously easy to get laid. You could get 10 strangers a day to have sex with you, and you can even be selective in who you choose. The only men who can do that are ( some) professional athletes, A list celebrities, and high profile rappers. 99.999% of men could never do that, let alone be selective about it.

Men get used to rejection because they are the ones who have to initiate and because women can be very sensitive.

How to deal with liking someone that doesn’t reciprocate? Some men decide they want to be in the girls “friend zone”. An orbiter who does favors for the girl just to be around her. They secretly want to fuck her & can’t so they become her shoulder to cry on , etc. Boyfriend responsibilities without boyfriend benefits.

Men don’t friend zone women. They sex zone them.Being in the friend zone for men is frustrating. I’d imagine not being able to be in a guys girlfriend zone when you want to be is unpleasant. There’s no magic solution. Many aspects of life are difficult to varying degrees. Some suffer in silence, others vent of weep to a friend.

[Ce****]

I think I know what you’re trying to say and if I’m right, I struggle with the same thing. So let me try to help… 🤔 so what you’re trying to say is>. Your whole life you’ve always struggled with commitment issues and never really put much effort into the idea of love when it came to a partner because living in the moment is all you did. not attaching any serious ones anyway. And since all your past partners you’ve had share no real substance. You haven’t felt what it feels like for someone to truly being in love with you. Relationships has always been superficial in a way and then after all these years, you’re at a point where you want different but you’ve been alone for so long in a sense that the difficulty of finding a partner that you feel is worthy enough to disturb the solitude you’ve built of being comfortable is the most difficult thing. Also trying to knock down the Fortress that you’ve built feels impossible… 🤔. Or I could be completely off lol. I just rambled about my issue. lol 😂 lmk tho

[fe****]

I went through similar feelings when I met my Dom. It helped me to establish with myself what I wanted, and then repeatedly telling myself that I do in fact deserve this.

[PL****]

First, breathe, take a moment to center yourself, do some grounding.
Next, take some time and make a list of limits (with clear set boundaries), wants (things you want from a partner, things to try, in and out of the bedroom), desires (fantasies and/or kinks), and most importantly needs (anything you need to feel the positive relationship feelings you need from your partner ex. I need to feel safe and secure and the space to communicate even when my feelings are not feelings you agree with because I deserve validation ex 2. I need this done to me when this type of play is occurring).
Third, share this with your crush and make clear what are boundaries and what is negotiatable.
This creates that clear line of communication as a submissive or dominant. It also creates an amazing vetting tool and sets up for those who feel contracts are necessary (which most in the dynamic should expect) to create a contract that includes a good basis to start with. And remember contracts can be renegotiated at a later date if agreed upon both/all parties.

[Fa****]

Hmm, it seems you're either transitioning to wanting something more pertaining to having a singular factor. Sounds like you want a reset and looking for someone to have a further interest of emotions of compatibility. Almost like a balance of knowing you and your feelings. Sex/lust is very easy and accessible. Deep, emotional trust is very rare and difficult nowadays.

I hope I worded this right for you as much as I can. We all have random phases in our lives and it could take months or years to break or have a strike of realization. We can't continue going 500mph forever. Eventually, we need to slow down from impacted curves and obstacles in front of us preventing severe injuries. ✨

[TimberTara]

Easy stop fucking him. If you don’t want sport fucking then take your time when you meet somebody I would say a minimum of three dates before you put on your hot thong.

[le****]

I'm no expert by any means and I get what you're saying. I f****** hate feelings. Just slow down breathe and just let things evolve. Not all people are out to just use anybody and everybody honestly I truly am not that individual. I'd rather get along with somebody and be friends and enjoys come company to make enemies argue drama f*** that s***. You got this lady just slow down breathe easy you got it smile

[Th****]

1 hour ago, Ceejay1116 said:

I think I know what you’re trying to say and if I’m right, I struggle with the same thing. So let me try to help… 🤔 so what you’re trying to say is>. Your whole life you’ve always struggled with commitment issues and never really put much effort into the idea of love when it came to a partner because living in the moment is all you did. not attaching any serious ones anyway. And since all your past partners you’ve had share no real substance. You haven’t felt what it feels like for someone to truly being in love with you. Relationships has always been superficial in a way and then after all these years, you’re at a point where you want different but you’ve been alone for so long in a sense that the difficulty of finding a partner that you feel is worthy enough to disturb the solitude you’ve built of being comfortable is the most difficult thing. Also trying to knock down the Fortress that you’ve built feels impossible… 🤔. Or I could be completely off lol. I just rambled about my issue. lol 😂 lmk tho

It's someone what right I've been in committed relationships one 13 years married ten it ended in disaster and then 6 years for sure thought he was my twin flame but come to find out he was a fraud. Neither of them really loving me just what the could get from me or benefit regardless if it was loyalty and catering to their every need or ***. Both ways ended horribly.

[Th****]

3 hours ago, DaddyUchoose said:

A period of celibacy and abstinence followed by a heart led engagement with only one select person for a while and if it doesn't match well to end that and repeat the above.

I just went a year without sex and ran into an old partner from ten years ago and had sex with him and now this where my head is at cause I'm not really sure how to feel or if he's into me or if it's just good sex. And some people don't know how to communicate or is the lack of communication because he's not into me cause that's how I'm taking it. But I leave on the 2nd and I don't know if I should come back like originally planned or go about plans that changed because of other things. I'm confused and torn on what to do.

[Th****]

3 hours ago, EddieK2020 said:

I think you just got to treat people according and not let your feelings get involved til you know someone is serious about your feelings and that they prove to you that they want you if that make sense don’t stress over something you can’t control just keep doing your part

That's my hardest thing letting go of control it's hard. I'm in a new phase of life that I don't want to be dominant I want to be the submissive one but don't know how to do that. I'm an over-thinker and over feeler right now in life I hate it.

[Th****]

3 hours ago, Lavish-Ly said:

I don’t know if it’s advice but I feel you but opposite. I’m used to the men just wanting my body and I’m used to the *** feeling too but I don’t kno what it’s like to being in an equal loving dynamic. Because I’ve only had sex with “partners” or ppl I saw a future with I can’t handle the one night stand feelings. Emotionally having someone inside me that is just here for self gratification is too much of a mental block. I really don’t like that when I meet a man that treats me exceptionally well if it doesn’t work out then that person is no longer in my life. (Gfs don’t like they dynamic, etc) but because I put so much feeling into my love/sex life, I cannot in good conscious touch a man I haven’t gotten to know/build a connection to. I’ve avoided all contact until I was sure in myself of what I wanted and why.
Sport fucking sounds like a lot of instant gratification and there is no healthy way to get that besides like skydiving or something that runs your dopamine up. I like exercising like working on abs you’ll be too tired to do anything else until you more centered and less burnt out

Thank you that makes a lot of sense and you hit it on the head. I detached myself for so long from sex that it was something I used as a temporary fix to feeling anything else. I've given so much of myself away to people I really didn't want to or it was taken from me and I don't want my soul to have to carry that burden I've been working on myself a lot the last two years and have changed dramatically in alot of different ways and I don't want to share myself with just anyone I want the right one. I'm just really finding it hard to find interest in anyone. It's hard going from one side of the spectrum to the other.

[St****]

Just go with what you’re feeling. People do often change and slow down with time and age. Honestly don’t fight it, see where it leads you.

[kd****]

Write it out. All the confusing mess of it. It can not only help you put what you are feeling into words but it can also tell you why you like this person. It doesn't have to be perfect. You are the only one who is going to see it but it helps

[DJWolfDaddy]

I just want to say that I do understand where you're coming from there should always be more to liking someone liking who they are liking their personality wanting to be with them for every day activities and be there at home to have someone to come home to.
Being intimate with the one that you desire and crave to be with is to be looked at as something special with love emotions desire want in a lot more.
If you need someone to talk to to open up to and know that what we talk about stays between us as a sign of trust and something good.

[Au****]

Oh wow, I've absolutely been there, trying to process having feelings for someone after being used to... well, simpler interactions. Good luck with this, because it's a huge shift. I used to be so good at keeping everyone at arm's length, but then one person came along and completely broke through. I got attached because he was so good at saying all the right things. But the hard truth was, his actions just didn't align with any of it in the end. It's a tough lesson to learn when you're suddenly feeling so much, so trust your gut on their actions, not just their words.

[Au****]

Also, to add to my last comment, I have to say, you're stunning! 🤩 Seriously, any guy would be stupid not to be absolutely into you. I really hope this works out exactly the way it's supposed to for you. My advice? Definitely give it a go and see what happens, just pay attention to his actions and not just his words.

[wb****]

Let me know if I’m missing something. It seems like your say women can get it whenever we want without trying. And that men don’t have it as easy as women.
Well as a women I can tell you for an absolute fact we can’t not get whenever we want. It is in fact really hard for some of us to get it. And to try and find something that isn’t just a hit and move on is even harder.
Men are not the only ones who have to “get use to rejection.” I have been rejected way more than not. But back in my 20’s when I was “skinny” with well endowed chest, through to now at 50 with a mom body.

OP I hear what you’re saying it is difficult to take the time to find someone and then take the time to build a relationship. I’m in that boat now. If you ever want to bounce ideas or vent you can it me up.

[Pr****]

This is more of a question for a therapist. Even if there is good advice given, no one knows your circumstances or context.

[ma****]

Handle your feelings as they happen, naturally. Overthinking causes premeditated rehearsed reactions. This life is your journey, your flow is your best guide thru it, so believe in it. You are the only one of you there is. Rep YOUR Brand, with confidence and without explanation and it will always work out.
I promise.

On another note, I have lots of girlfriends that I dont screw. Sex is a LOT Harder in every category when its not an assumed close sales pitch from the start, overcoming objections like a time share salesman; days or weeks time invested for a three minute romp in a bathroom somewhere quick so thier wives wont know....
Your pretty and sexy looking so obviously my initial attraction to you was founded from desire. That too is natural. I dont chase bc im really real, very easy to notice, and Certainly wouldn't interrupt someone lazer focused on their phone at farm ***s to say "hey, your Cute"
Lol.
She would have only one thought, and it would be incorrect.
I like to be right.

[Pi****]

Okay, I made the mistake of reading comments and that completely confused me. After reading your post a few more times I think I understand. A crush, infatuation, being enamored or a genuine curiosity about an individual can definitely be a whole thing.

*******The following are some general suggestions and may or may not apply to you and your situation. If you do find my advice advantageous or useful. Ever desiring more advice, thoughts, a male prospective don’t hesitate to DM me. I am not an expert man, however I have a few years experience. I’m kinda of good at it. Kinda of. ********


1.) You come first. Make sure your feelings are valid. Are you emotionally available? Can you handle his nuisances? His “wants, needs, desires.” Take frequent self evaluations. Keep yourself grounded. Relationships shouldn’t be an ordeal.

2.)Make a list Of likes and dislikes, pros and cons. Does he enhance your life? Is he a neutral addition? Or possibly a problem. Trust me after 5-7 hours(usually less) of conversation and hanging out. They will start to show themselves. I’m not talking about bouncing his leg, nervous behavior, dirty finger nails even after you witnessed him washing them and man-ing in general.

I talking about narcissistic tendencies, rude behavior, cutting you off, lacking empathy, empty promises, inconsistencies, poor communication, exclusively texting, defensive attitude, never being at fault, excuses for everything, saying the right things all the time, always complementing you, always talking and never saying nothing.

This list should be for both of you. There isn’t a right or wrong way to go through this process. Take stock of any red flags. Everyone has their flaws. Because you are crushing you may have a higher tolerance. These suppressed feelings can fester and have all sorts of adverse effects.

3.) After you go through all the checks and balances. Spend time with them or at least drop hints to get them to ask you out. This can be a delicate process. Keep it simple. Men are amazing at man-ing. When a man is in the friend zone and comfortable we can be oblivious to the blatant attempts to gain our attention.

4.) Be a clear and precise communicator. Men respond best with short direct messages. If he is not giving you his undivided attention. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. When he forgets it doesn’t mean he didn’t hear you. (Listening can hurt a men’s brain. Some short circuit. Listening is not male a strength.)

5.) Don’t have time limits as far as. By month one we should… etc. I don’t know how you are with discussing your intimate relationships. Keep it a “secret” until you know. The less specifics your friends, family or whomever know in the beginning the better. (This doesn’t apply to creepy behavior, etc.) You will have your fair share of frustrations. If you are giving a daily journal’s worth of information to others. Their first priority is going to be you and your well being. Their advice sometimes is leave him. Some men have to adjust to incorporating a non-friend woman into their lives. That can potentially be a mental health crisis, for some men.

6.) I don’t know about you but if I have sex to soon with someone I like and possibly want more with. I can loose interest or in very rare occasions get “whipped.” (Especially if there not fun in the bedroom. Or they have so many do not’s and I don’t really likes. That right in the moment I order a new sex device from Temu. Not only does it not come with instructions. Google Lens, responds with “umm, yeah dawg, I don’t even know what to tell you. Just be careful cause it looks sketchy. Like fr, fr.”)

Which leads to false actions. She thinks I am the one. I’m just happy that I am receiving mental stimulation. And a truly open minded bedroom companion.(I now have to figure out how to use all the previous Temu “sexual well being” accoutrements. A lot of their items are designed for much smaller people. Safety words become more important.)
That’s one of my kinks. Intelligence and the ability to engage with me in thought provoking jargon, banter, rational debates and not having to omit logic or dumb down the conversation. I’m getting aroused thinking about it now.

Wait to have sex, until you know that it’s not a sport. Having sex to express your feelings, emotions etc. Is worth the wait provided the sentiment is mutual.

7.) It’s okay to be “busy” or unavailable. Men need something to keep them motivated. Depending on his insecurities, no matter what you say he will naturally question your sudden lack of availability. Again if we , men, get comfortable with something we can become a predictable, routine. (Think going to the same camp ground, same cabin, same stories that became more fantastical over time. The same week on July 4th until mom says “go do your own thing.” All mom wanted to do is go on a cruise or hedonism III all inclusive resort. I knew at age 14 what was the draw to the resort but I wasn’t going to explain that to my parents. They eventually found out. Parents are cute. )

For some men you can damn near set a clock to his “exciting” life. Fun fact: In many cases when a man’s routine abruptly changes for no solid apparent reason. There is a great chance he maybe doing something that will make him lie. Don’t ask men questions that give the option to lie. Ask questions that are relevant to the information you specifically want. E.G. During your morning conversation ask him if he is working late, hanging out with his friends, going to play a round of golf. Later on in the evening when you know good and well he wasn’t doing any of the above. Engage with him about the alleged outing. Is he vague, short, dismissive, distracted or tired? Make note and proceed accordingly.

8.)Check in with him. Not yes and no questions but questions that he can talk about himself and how you fit into his life. Make yourself open and available.



All the suggestions that I offered are based my personal thoughts and experiences. Regardless if use any of them. Don’t show your cards. Men “high key” are very sensitive creatures. Passive, dismissal is imbedded deep inside of our lizard brains or whatever we were before hominids. Men can be wonderful. It’s just some don’t know how to be. Believe they are not or forgot. Most great men have a greater woman somewhere in the background. In most cases running the entire household, plus her career and loving every minute of it. (I love me some women. So much so I eating a few that grant me the opportunity. I’m hungry!) It’s very rarely the other way around if ever.

This early in the relationship is about establishing your truth. Your comfortability, limits, boundaries, self trust, honesty, humility, happiness. Be “good selfish.”

As you get to know each other he will have qualities you absolutely cannot stand. You can’t change him. Is he capable of compromising? You are now faced with the task of whether or not you can accept his short comings. Are you willing to compromise and accept yours(short comings) in his eyes. If he never had placed any shortcomings on you, until you mentioned his. That would be a great time to ask him about childhood trauma.

He should fit into your life not become your life. That’s icky!

To you I am manifesting happiness and success with all your life endeavors. I bid you So long, farewell
Auf Wiederseh'n, adieu.

[sp****]

First of all u should stop having g sex for a period of time deal with all ur emotions as they come up and dont look for a relationship at all or anything take ur time to get to know u find out what u want for ur self do new things u all ways wanted to do

[La****]

The first guy was right, the inability to distinguish positive, neutral, and negative emotions is something you have to discuss with a psychiatric professional. Anything anyone else says will only make you more confused and make the situation more complicated.

Outside of a therapist i recommend researching on your own. Read articles on sex and love in non emotional relationship. Read about how healthy emotions should present themselves, and what they look like.

There is a difference between having meaningless sex with people and having sex with people meaninglessly. From what I understood from your very all over the place post, you are having difficulties understanding the emotions one feels. The very fact you said you're used to feeling nothing then suddenly you feel everything with a multiplier, shows an instability in emotions that goes far beyond general concern. A fluctuation in emotions as drastic as that could represent an underlying mental condition or imbalance in chemicals in the brain. Oftentimes meds can be used as an intermediary while you learn to deal with unhealthy emotions and develop healthy feelings. But again, and i cannot stress this enough, a therapist is honestly and truly your only option outside of random responses from uneducated strangers. Surround yourself with people that push you forward and up, someone who's emotionally unavailable and only wants sex is not a good base for healthy emotional habits.