wb**** Posted Saturday at 10:03 PM Yesterday at 06:20 PM, PLEASEandTEASEme said: First, breathe, take a moment to center yourself, do some grounding. Next, take some time and make a list of limits (with clear set boundaries), wants (things you want from a partner, things to try, in and out of the bedroom), desires (fantasies and/or kinks), and most importantly needs (anything you need to feel the positive relationship feelings you need from your partner ex. I need to feel safe and secure and the space to communicate even when my feelings are not feelings you agree with because I deserve validation ex 2. I need this done to me when this type of play is occurring). Third, share this with your crush and make clear what are boundaries and what is negotiatable. This creates that clear line of communication as a submissive or dominant. It also creates an amazing vetting tool and sets up for those who feel contracts are necessary (which most in the dynamic should expect) to create a contract that includes a good basis to start with. And remember contracts can be renegotiated at a later date if agreed upon both/all parties. I took your advice and wrote down quite a bit. Some of it I don’t know yet as I was introduced 11 - 12 yrs ago and then had a 8yr dry spell. So I’m picking up basic as new, with a little insight. And a desire to learn and explore.
PL**** Posted Saturday at 11:02 PM 59 minutes ago, wbl51265 said: I took your advice and wrote down quite a bit. Some of it I don’t know yet as I was introduced 11 - 12 yrs ago and then had a 8yr dry spell. So I’m picking up basic as new, with a little insight. And a desire to learn and explore. Im glad I could help. DM me if you have questions!
Th**** Posted Sunday at 03:47 AM Author Yesterday at 01:31 AM, AuraBelle said: Oh wow, I've absolutely been there, trying to process having feelings for someone after being used to... well, simpler interactions. Good luck with this, because it's a huge shift. I used to be so good at keeping everyone at arm's length, but then one person came along and completely broke through. I got attached because he was so good at saying all the right things. But the hard truth was, his actions just didn't align with any of it in the end. It's a tough lesson to learn when you're suddenly feeling so much, so trust your gut on their actions, not just their words. I felt that for real that's what I just got over I guess still am . It is strange how one person can just fuck you all up. I can't close my heart off any more. So now I have to guard it
Th**** Posted Sunday at 03:52 AM Author 23 hours ago, wbl51265 said: Let me know if I’m missing something. It seems like your say women can get it whenever we want without trying. And that men don’t have it as easy as women. Well as a women I can tell you for an absolute fact we can’t not get whenever we want. It is in fact really hard for some of us to get it. And to try and find something that isn’t just a hit and move on is even harder. Men are not the only ones who have to “get use to rejection.” I have been rejected way more than not. But back in my 20’s when I was “skinny” with well endowed chest, through to now at 50 with a mom body. OP I hear what you’re saying it is difficult to take the time to find someone and then take the time to build a relationship. I’m in that boat now. If you ever want to bounce ideas or vent you can it me up. Not what I'm saying at all cause no we definitely can't get it whenever we want . Especially if we have standards lol. And I'm the same skinny I tour up the town my hoe days I call it . I was a hunter then. That seems so long ago. Now I'm old and want different things. But I tell you what my bodies are definitely in you know how many younger guys try talking to me. So hot but I'm not sure about younger guys.
Th**** Posted Sunday at 04:11 AM Author 16 hours ago, Pierre333 said: Okay, I made the mistake of reading comments and that completely confused me. After reading your post a few more times I think I understand. A crush, infatuation, being enamored or a genuine curiosity about an individual can definitely be a whole thing. *******The following are some general suggestions and may or may not apply to you and your situation. If you do find my advice advantageous or useful. Ever desiring more advice, thoughts, a male prospective don’t hesitate to DM me. I am not an expert man, however I have a few years experience. I’m kinda of good at it. Kinda of. ******** 1.) You come first. Make sure your feelings are valid. Are you emotionally available? Can you handle his nuisances? His “wants, needs, desires.” Take frequent self evaluations. Keep yourself grounded. Relationships shouldn’t be an ordeal. 2.)Make a list Of likes and dislikes, pros and cons. Does he enhance your life? Is he a neutral addition? Or possibly a problem. Trust me after 5-7 hours(usually less) of conversation and hanging out. They will start to show themselves. I’m not talking about bouncing his leg, nervous behavior, dirty finger nails even after you witnessed him washing them and man-ing in general. I talking about narcissistic tendencies, rude behavior, cutting you off, lacking empathy, empty promises, inconsistencies, poor communication, exclusively texting, defensive attitude, never being at fault, excuses for everything, saying the right things all the time, always complementing you, always talking and never saying nothing. This list should be for both of you. There isn’t a right or wrong way to go through this process. Take stock of any red flags. Everyone has their flaws. Because you are crushing you may have a higher tolerance. These suppressed feelings can fester and have all sorts of adverse effects. 3.) After you go through all the checks and balances. Spend time with them or at least drop hints to get them to ask you out. This can be a delicate process. Keep it simple. Men are amazing at man-ing. When a man is in the friend zone and comfortable we can be oblivious to the blatant attempts to gain our attention. 4.) Be a clear and precise communicator. Men respond best with short direct messages. If he is not giving you his undivided attention. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. When he forgets it doesn’t mean he didn’t hear you. (Listening can hurt a men’s brain. Some short circuit. Listening is not male a strength.) 5.) Don’t have time limits as far as. By month one we should… etc. I don’t know how you are with discussing your intimate relationships. Keep it a “secret” until you know. The less specifics your friends, family or whomever know in the beginning the better. (This doesn’t apply to creepy behavior, etc.) You will have your fair share of frustrations. If you are giving a daily journal’s worth of information to others. Their first priority is going to be you and your well being. Their advice sometimes is leave him. Some men have to adjust to incorporating a non-friend woman into their lives. That can potentially be a mental health crisis, for some men. 6.) I don’t know about you but if I have sex to soon with someone I like and possibly want more with. I can loose interest or in very rare occasions get “whipped.” (Especially if there not fun in the bedroom. Or they have so many do not’s and I don’t really likes. That right in the moment I order a new sex device from Temu. Not only does it not come with instructions. Google Lens, responds with “umm, yeah dawg, I don’t even know what to tell you. Just be careful cause it looks sketchy. Like fr, fr.”) Which leads to false actions. She thinks I am the one. I’m just happy that I am receiving mental stimulation. And a truly open minded bedroom companion.(I now have to figure out how to use all the previous Temu “sexual well being” accoutrements. A lot of their items are designed for much smaller people. Safety words become more important.) That’s one of my kinks. Intelligence and the ability to engage with me in thought provoking jargon, banter, rational debates and not having to omit logic or dumb down the conversation. I’m getting aroused thinking about it now. Wait to have sex, until you know that it’s not a sport. Having sex to express your feelings, emotions etc. Is worth the wait provided the sentiment is mutual. 7.) It’s okay to be “busy” or unavailable. Men need something to keep them motivated. Depending on his insecurities, no matter what you say he will naturally question your sudden lack of availability. Again if we , men, get comfortable with something we can become a predictable, routine. (Think going to the same camp ground, same cabin, same stories that became more fantastical over time. The same week on July 4th until mom says “go do your own thing.” All mom wanted to do is go on a cruise or hedonism III all inclusive resort. I knew at age 14 what was the draw to the resort but I wasn’t going to explain that to my parents. They eventually found out. Parents are cute. ) For some men you can damn near set a clock to his “exciting” life. Fun fact: In many cases when a man’s routine abruptly changes for no solid apparent reason. There is a great chance he maybe doing something that will make him lie. Don’t ask men questions that give the option to lie. Ask questions that are relevant to the information you specifically want. E.G. During your morning conversation ask him if he is working late, hanging out with his friends, going to play a round of golf. Later on in the evening when you know good and well he wasn’t doing any of the above. Engage with him about the alleged outing. Is he vague, short, dismissive, distracted or tired? Make note and proceed accordingly. 8.)Check in with him. Not yes and no questions but questions that he can talk about himself and how you fit into his life. Make yourself open and available. All the suggestions that I offered are based my personal thoughts and experiences. Regardless if use any of them. Don’t show your cards. Men “high key” are very sensitive creatures. Passive, dismissal is imbedded deep inside of our lizard brains or whatever we were before hominids. Men can be wonderful. It’s just some don’t know how to be. Believe they are not or forgot. Most great men have a greater woman somewhere in the background. In most cases running the entire household, plus her career and loving every minute of it. (I love me some women. So much so I eating a few that grant me the opportunity. I’m hungry!) It’s very rarely the other way around if ever. This early in the relationship is about establishing your truth. Your comfortability, limits, boundaries, self trust, honesty, humility, happiness. Be “good selfish.” As you get to know each other he will have qualities you absolutely cannot stand. You can’t change him. Is he capable of compromising? You are now faced with the task of whether or not you can accept his short comings. Are you willing to compromise and accept yours(short comings) in his eyes. If he never had placed any shortcomings on you, until you mentioned his. That would be a great time to ask him about childhood trauma. He should fit into your life not become your life. That’s icky! To you I am manifesting happiness and success with all your life endeavors. I bid you So long, farewell Auf Wiederseh'n, adieu. You just gave me The definition of a narcissist. And instructions on how to play with one. I already know these things that's the kind of guy I don't want. Everyone is entitled to making mistakes like taking to long to text back or staying out to let. If you have to question what someone is doing you already know. I know what I was walking into with this (crush) I've been with him before. And maybe if I could slow down and take time or if people knew how to communicate then it could maybe work. A crush is a crush but I'm smart enough to know off the bat when something isn't going to work. All the things you said a woman can be like that too. Men and women are a lot more alike than people think. Thank for the advice but your telling me nothing new. I have to either not have sex and wait to find the right person. No that's the only answer
po**** Posted Sunday at 09:32 AM Therapy, self love, boundaries, you time. Learnt to say no. I no the feeling of only being good enough to have sex with, Ive got that through out my adult life. Every relationship has been a massive learning curve of what not to tolerate anymore. Do some work on yourself, forget wanting someone for a while and see where ur at in a few months. Wish u all the luck
wb**** Posted Sunday at 06:25 PM 14 hours ago, Thedevilskiss said: Not what I'm saying at all cause no we definitely can't get it whenever we want . Especially if we have standards lol. And I'm the same skinny I tour up the town my hoe days I call it . I was a hunter then. That seems so long ago. Now I'm old and want different things. But I tell you what my bodies are definitely in you know how many younger guys try talking to me. So hot but I'm not sure about younger guys. Not you I thought I hit quote but I didn’t, sorry
Au**** Posted Monday at 12:33 AM 20 hours ago, Thedevilskiss said: I felt that for real that's what I just got over I guess still am . It is strange how one person can just fuck you all up. I can't close my heart off any more. So now I have to guard it Well shoot! Fuck that guy. Seriously. I felt that for real, too. It’s not strange at all. It’s a trauma bond and it’s rough. You are doing the right thing by guarding your heart, but remember that guarding doesn't mean closing. It just means you're building a huge, high standard filter so only the ethical ones can get through. We deserve genuine. You are stronger than you think, and your heart is going to be fine. ❤️ I think you’re awesome. Be my friend! I sent you a friend request. 🙂
57**** Posted Monday at 11:46 AM I totally understand the going from no feelings to trying to open up feelings. I have been in lifestyle for 7 years..started as swinger. New to fet life. Im now ready to meet one person open to open relationship but its hard to get feelings back..basically we fuck..enjoy each other few hours then go on with our own lives till next time. Im not used to being with same person more then once a week..I have monthlies..
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