I need your advice

[Bigboi1]

Hi all! 

I apologize in advance for my lack of explanation skills, since english is my 3rd language but here we go. 

I am 23 year old straight male with bachelors degree in law (currently studying in masters) that has fetishes (everyone got their fetishes and thats alright). I need your advice on how to deal with my fetishes since i cant anymore. So to start off, my fetishes arent like super "weird" or kinky, they just are there. First fetish (even though it isnt really fetish) is that i love girls in nice underwear/pajamas/night skirts etc. My 2nd fetish is that i love all lace on girls - lace blouses, lace underwear, pajamas, especially lace stocking tops what leads to my next, biggest fetish. So my biggest fetish is girls in nylons. Pantyhose and stockings. Almost all girls that are wearing nylons get me aroused. And i also have feet fetish but in light form, i just like nylon on legs and i really like thick thighs. Also keep in mind that my fetishes arent extreme and by that i mean im not into feet licking/sucking toes/wearing pantyhose myself etc. (Thats fine and im not judging, im just not into that) I must say, i dont have a gf and im still a virgin (yes you can laugh at me) but thats how i was raised (and no im not religious and im not waiting for wedding). I had/have a girl that i love with all of my heart but she wishes that i was dead (but thats another story). She is thick (how i like) and often wore dresses/skirts so she often wore stockings/pantyhose and i would put a hand on her legs and caress them (not in like toe sucking or that kind of way). So i found out about my nylon fetish/addiction when i was younger i had no sexual desire at that time but i just really liked girls who wore nylons. I have no one to talk about my fetishes and my fetishes just keep bothering me. Like when i go outside, i see girls wearing nylons, my imagination just kicks in and then it goes you know where. I have learned how to control my desires, so im not getting boners in public and i can stare in girls eyes not on her legs. 

So i need your advice - how to deal with it? Yes, you can say and suggest that i should get a girl or just get laid (im not ons or fwb guy) But in how many cases girls are wearing lace underwear matched with stockings (or thigh highs, call them what you want)? Also in relationship i would love just to sit on a couch after work day and just touch/caress my girls legs in nylons. And the problem is, girls are saying that nylons make their legs itch, are uncomfortable etc. and its easier to put on pants and short cotton socks rather than nylons (im not talking about garter belts, which i imagine are awful to put on all the straps). So i just could hope that my future gf will understand my fetishes and would support them, but thats like a lottery and i like things in life that are solid. So please, give me advice, not just - bro get laid, or find a gf, or smth in that nature. I need some deeper thought in why my urges are hard to control. And also, i dont have time and even courage to talk with therapist about things like this (i have spoken on other mental issues but im not ready to talk about this)

Thanks,

Bigboi

[Ma****]

Meditation, masturbation. A combination of the two, called tantric masturbation.

[Deleted Member]

Embrace everything you said here and don’t feel ashamed for any of it. There are amazing women out there I have met and came across that find all these fetishes you explained amazing and erotic. If you naturally find a woman in your travels, and establish a good bond with her, then you are ready open up to these fetishes so she can enjoy them with you. You might be surprised in helping her discover fetishes she didn’t know she had before.

[cu****]

I would meet with someone one time to see what you like and don’t like. Doesn’t have to be sexual.

[Mz****]

I think from what you've said you don't actually have much to worry about, I'm sure to you its a very real issue, and that may be because you've been internalising your thoughts as you've had no-one to talk with and just ended up overthinking. 

What you mention as your fetishes, with the greatest of respect, are pretty vanilla, I don't think any of them would raise so much as an eyebrow with most women, I don't think I'd be wrong in saying most guys enjoy seeing someone they think is attractive in lingerie and stockings either.

You don't say how you are meeting people, are you even looking? Its too easy to just sit at home and hope the person of our dreams just happens along and of course that's highly unlikely to happen..perhaps socialise in places where women are more likely to dress up for the evening rather than to just throw on jeans and trainers, of course I'm sure your schedules busy with University and possibly work, but make some time for yourself, relax a little, enjoy yourself and the people you're with and make connections, perhaps they'll evolve along with your confidence..most of all believe what you said about its okay to like what you like, if you make it a big deal any girlfriend or potential girlfriend you have will pick up on that, whereas if they know you love it, and they love you they'd be happy to dress up the way you like more often than not.

[ey****]

So, yeah.  I'm not seeing a problem.  

You have a fetish for seeing people in lace or nylons and don't appear to be being creepy or weird with it.  So, enjoy.

But, I also get what you're saying about finding a partner and her not being into what you like her to wear.   I don't think many people would object to occassionally wearing nylons or lace or whatever depending on the circumstances - it's also of course very easy to gift partners things you might like to see them in (but, remember, this is then a gift for your benefit, so don't just get them that as a birthday/Christmas present haha) 

[Bigboi1]

10 hours ago, Mariejazz89 said:

Meditation, masturbation. A combination of the two, called tantric masturbation.

I have noticed that when i masturbate thinking about my fetishes/desires, i get much greater orgasms. To clarify, i dont watch porn almost at all (like once in 6 months) but when i masturbate, i mainly watch tumblr posts and turn on my imagination (because i have colorful imagination)

[Bigboi1]

51 minutes ago, MzJax said:

I think from what you've said you don't actually have much to worry about, I'm sure to you its a very real issue, and that may be because you've been internalising your thoughts as you've had no-one to talk with and just ended up overthinking. 

What you mention as your fetishes, with the greatest of respect, are pretty vanilla, I don't think any of them would raise so much as an eyebrow with most women, I don't think I'd be wrong in saying most guys enjoy seeing someone they think is attractive in lingerie and stockings either.

You don't say how you are meeting people, are you even looking? Its too easy to just sit at home and hope the person of our dreams just happens along and of course that's highly unlikely to happen..perhaps socialise in places where women are more likely to dress up for the evening rather than to just throw on jeans and trainers, of course I'm sure your schedules busy with University and possibly work, but make some time for yourself, relax a little, enjoy yourself and the people you're with and make connections, perhaps they'll evolve along with your confidence..most of all believe what you said about its okay to like what you like, if you make it a big deal any girlfriend or potential girlfriend you have will pick up on that, whereas if they know you love it, and they love you they'd be happy to dress up the way you like more often than not.

I agree that my fetishes are vanilla and nothing extreme or cruel etc. But i dont know how to deal mentally with it. I guess i could get 100% comfortable with myself and my desires if i would just get the feel of it (at least thats what i think in my head). I know these are bad excuses but: 1) i have never liked social events. Im teetotal so i dont like clubs/bars etc. where mostly dressed up girls are going. I guess girls dress up for theatre (and i like theatre) but you go there to watch whats happening on scene not on girls' legs (maybe between the acts lol), 2) as you correctly said, university and job are killing me because i go to work at 8am and get out of classes at 9pm from monday to friday. Sat/sun im mostly at my 2nd home where im building it with my own hands from the ground up. 

Yeah i had a bad luck with girls and friends so im just now all alone, no one talk to about my things, so yeah, im overthinking everything (also as i mentioned i was going to therapy). As my getaway im just fully focused now on my carreer (university and job, so im financialy stable so i could finish building my house etc.) 

So as you can see, im thinking one thing but doing other, im contradicting myself. I want to fulfill my desires but at the same time i dont want nor have time for girls. Yes, im that strange...

[Bigboi1]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, yeah.  I'm not seeing a problem.  

You have a fetish for seeing people in lace or nylons and don't appear to be being creepy or weird with it.  So, enjoy.

But, I also get what you're saying about finding a partner and her not being into what you like her to wear.   I don't think many people would object to occassionally wearing nylons or lace or whatever depending on the circumstances - it's also of course very easy to gift partners things you might like to see them in (but, remember, this is then a gift for your benefit, so don't just get them that as a birthday/Christmas present haha) 

Im so glad that someone understands me! Ofc, i wouldnt push my girl to wear something, even more if she doesnt want it or hates it also in summer when its hot outside, it would be just dumb to wear pantyhose for no reason or just for fun. Also, my point is, almost all girls are just strange... i dont know if its feminism or new era, (despite me being just 23, im oldschool) because when i have told some girls (that i have known for some time, not just first time meeting her) that they would look so good in dress for example (because all they do is wear pants), their answer was - you have no right to tell me what i should and should not wear. Needless to say, that i stopped talking with them

[Bigboi1]

1 hour ago, cumprincess6969 said:

I would meet with someone one time to see what you like and don’t like. Doesn’t have to be sexual.

People always say that they are not my therapists, so i just went to therapy (in personal issues not desires). Thats why im seeking for help here, in forums

[Bigboi1]

3 hours ago, kingofcupsca said:

Embrace everything you said here and don’t feel ashamed for any of it. There are amazing women out there I have met and came across that find all these fetishes you explained amazing and erotic. If you naturally find a woman in your travels, and establish a good bond with her, then you are ready open up to these fetishes so she can enjoy them with you. You might be surprised in helping her discover fetishes she didn’t know she had before.

I just hope that one day i could feel free and get physical and mental pleasure from embracing myself. And i hope that someday ill get some girl who understands me

[ey****]

4 hours ago, Bigboi1 said:

their answer was - you have no right to tell me what i should and should not wear.

that still, ultimately, is very true.

But I get in the importance of the fetish it's important to find someone who is into the styles you like - on top of all the usual things which come with relationships.

[Deleted Member]

Yeah so, I wouldn’t sweat the virginity thing for now. You’re about to be just shy of top of the food chain. Depending how busy you stay after your master’s... you’ll likely make it to the social circles most of us either hate (for various reasons) or dream of being a member.

Now if you stay focused and you find yourself in a large renowned firm, you will be around a variety of colleagues, approximately 35% women. Of that 35% there will be 5% that are compatible with you.

Compatibility is based on the amount of work you’re likely willing to do, to maintain the relationship while being open and honest (over time: don’t just blurt out your Fetish catalog on date(s)1-50.) take your time, with your dates. Make sure her personality shows a *high threshold for disgust* <— super intelligence indicator. (Just an FYI, even though they may be academic equals, some people just work really hard to earn that degree, but how they earned it makes no sense, you’ll meet them.)

Sorry bout the rant, but I’m leaving it, ‘cause...

Now once you get established, you’re not gonna have a lot of time for dating, so expect an attractive colleague to set her soghts on you, (if you’re healthy, in shape, and successful, or at the very least, on the clear path to success.) At this point that woman will be a good negotiator. Most importantly is she’ll be reasonable. When you two begin negotiating your relationship and future, you can set your requirements in clearly and I guarantee she’ll be cool with your vanilla kinks.

Let me know what needs clarifying.

I hope this helps.