Finding kink partners while having kids

[lo****]

Finding a kink partner while you have kids . Being a dad or mom th a t has custody of ***, how do you make a connection with someone that is on the fence about kids.

[ir****]

On the fence means its a no from.me

[ir****]

From me

[Do****]

On the one hand I have my *** living with me all the time so I meet people when they’re at school. I make connections chatting and then meet when the house is empty to play. But in terms of someone on the fence about kids - if you mean they don’t know if they like *** around or not - then that’s a no in terms of anything other than occasional play. I wouldn’t have a relationship with someone who doesn’t embrace *** as part of life. They need to be with someone who doesn’t have ***. And that’s not me!

[Si****]

What do you mean by “on the fence about kids”? It’s a strange choice of phrase 

[Do****]

And the stars are the word ch1ldren!

[Ar****]

6 hours ago, lokidelwood1 said:

Finding a kink partner while you have kids . Being a dad or mom th a t has custody of ***, how do you make a connection with someone that is on the fence about kids.

It might not be your intention, but this honestly reads as though you're seeking advice as to how to push/f0rce for a connection that the other party is not ready for, and that isn't on.

If somebody is "on the fence" about anything then you back away and give them space to work out where their feelings lie and if you are compatible. 

But speaking of compatibility and as a single parent myself... I don't understand why I (or another parent) would be seeking a connection with somebody who wasn't sure whether my (their) kids were an issue or not.

Edited January 5 by Aranhis

[Fi****]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

It might not be your intention, but this honestly reads as though you're seeking advice as to how to push/f0rce for a connection that the other party is not ready for, and that isn't on.

If somebody is "on the fence" about anything then you back away and give them space to work out where their feelings lie and if you are compatible. 

But speaking of compatibility and as a single parent myself... I don't understand why I (or another parent) would be seeking a connection with somebody who wasn't sure whether my (their) kids were an issue or not.

Well said

[Sl****]

My one kiddo means the world to me but has no knowledge or is privy to know my adulting stuff. I guess I didn’t put that in my profile - but if someone is on the fence regarding having interest in a parent (any adult not just male or female) a kinkster should easily navigate ways to connect. I do exactly that in my dating life and what’s most important are communication, setting boundaries and being receptive and flexible for schedules while prioritizing what’s best for our kiddos. Hope that helps!

[le****]

Why would you want to be with someone who "is on the fence" with kids?! Just play with someone who has kids of their own or does not mind.

[ey****]

Like. You don't.

The fact you are a parent means anyone who isn't fully acceptant of that should be a dealbreaker.   You shouldn't compromise out your offspring.  

[Ja****]

I'm just now doing more because the youngest is 17

[Deleted Member]

Given the current state it wouldn't be the most unusual thing if they had one or more themselves. My connections did. Heck I'd say I met more with their own than not.

That being said I would not even entertain anyone who had a problem with mine. They aren't going anywhere. They're mine for life. Chances are any play partner or connection isn't.

[Ad****]

Ours are 13/14 and can only do things on nights they go out or don’t tell them and just leave for a few hours in the evening so they can’t get no ideas and invite the highschool over for a house party while we’re at another house party. Haha.

[Deleted Member]

My kids are with me 24/7. Plus I have my mom living with me. I make plans for me time. I have a very full life so just have to maneuver things around sometimes. I don’t allow men at my house so if he can’t entertain then we can get a room somewhere. I’ve even split the cost of a hotel room. I have needs.

[ChocolateRopeBunny]

You don't. There's no "on the fence" when it comes to the little people. You can keep your parental obligations separate however if the individual doesn't even want to concede that your schedule/plans may have to change day of then it's not worth the stress if even having them as an occasional play partner. To me "on the fence" means they don't even want to be bothered with someone with kids they just don't want to outright say it. I could be wrong though.

[wo****]

Kink partner for fun , as a FWB, ? If you both want that I don’t think it even has to be mentioned, and if it is you risk having it blow up on you for logical reason.
Short term- judgement call as to if, when, and how. If it starts changing to the LTR direction at a certain point it’s a lie of omission if you don’t talk about it.
LTR or coming together with the understanding you both want that- when is a judgement call but sooner, not later.
I think differences like that make a big difference. I also think there are lots of input about this in society and vanilla dating talk that apply and it’s a common issue with more people there than in kink specific places online. I suggest you look around there too if you haven’t already.

[ey****]

Like - I guess with anything it does come down to a little context and also what the barriers are.

If you turn up at a fetish event, or munch, or whatever - it doesn't really matter what your home situation is - but the barrier is of course it being a time when you don't have responsibilities (and also that showing up doesn't garauntee a partner, nor on what terms this partner will be) 

Any form of pick-up play, one off play - or - hell - paid for sessions - doesn't really matter.

But I guess the second you start to imply or want anything more regular, planned, structured - they do have to at least be aware.  Cos if nothing else your availability for meets/dates/play/whatever is still around your home responsibilities and giving them that information helps them also. 

[ur****]

Long term always keep it away wven if it's not sexual some bdsm rules are not normal in a vanilla relationship and a child shouldn't be seeing that behaviour even if uts something as small as doing everything your partner says without questioning you set an example to your kids om how a relationship should be and *** seeing wven the non sexual parts of a bdsm relationship can effect that as they won't have a strong grasp on it

[Li****]

People are going to answer from a BDSM frame looking toward parenting. As a mom trapped here due to custody laws, I fully understand you’re asking from the perspective of parenting, looking toward kink.

Where do you find the time? How do you even meet people? Is it illegal for men to speak to women in person now?

You’d think so, the way things are in this region.

The answer is, patience. It’s going to be slow and messy. Which is an excellent analogy for something else 😉

[Sl****]

No kid should be subjected to any kind of anything over G-rating whether vanilla or kink.
I’m sure everyone agrees. As for my own as a single dad, I encourage everyone to be openminded to have dialogue for coparenting, where both parties share in living and social arrangements which help both parents will have as equal a share of responsibilities as well as free time. I split weekends (this wknd I have kiddo) so that momma can do whatever she wants.

@LiVee I really feel for you being trapped. Unsure what your situation is and I beg forgiveness if I seem meddling or indiscreet. Hopefully the dad can step up with building a coparenting framework, or if he washes his hands of things, see about adding a good share of sitters fees in your alimony as well as whatever else is due.

Even virtual meeting can help to move some kind of relationship forward if you want that, or if it’s more for play, a good connection would work with you without any demands by being empathetic.

To all, our parents typically want to rise up as supportive grands. If both sides of grands are willing check with them as well when you need help.

[To****]

Having kids doesn’t make you less kinky….
it just means your life has real structure and real priorities. And honestly, that filters people faster than any profile ever could

I’m upfront early. Not dramatic, not apologetic...just clear. Kids aren’t a “side detail,” they’re part of my reality. If someone is on the fence about them, I don’t try to persuade or minimise it. I let them decide with full information. That is respect

What I’ve learned is this: people who are genuinely open to connection care less about the idea of kids and more about how you handle responsibility. Stability, boundaries, time management, emotional maturity... those things are attractive, especially in kink. They signal safety

I also separate worlds cleanly. Parenting time is protected. Adult connection happens intentionally, not squeezed in with chaos. That clarity actually makes the dynamic feel more grounded, not less exciting

If someone can’t handle that you’re a parent, they’re probably not equipped for the kind of consistency and containment a real D/s dynamic needs anyway. And that’s not a loss...it’s information

The right person doesn’t see kids as competition
They see a man or woman who already knows how to lead, care, and hold responsibility

And that, in my experience, is far more compelling than availability without depth….