Molly’s BDSM Tips | How to Find a Pro Domme

Finding a Pro Domme or professional Mistress may sound straightforward enough, but there’s more to it than only doing a Google search. What do you need to consider, and how do you go about approaching a Pro Domme for her services? Our columnist Molly answers these questions and more for one Fet member.

Dear Molly,
Could you give me some tips and advice on how to search for a professional Mistress? There are so many different Pro Dommes out there that it seems complicated to know what to look out for when trying to find the right one to suit me.
Sub M.

Dear Sub M,
Finding the right Pro Domme is the key to having a successful encounter, but it takes a bit of work on your part to get it right, and it would help if you were open to a bit of trial and error. It's vital you find someone that you're able to foster a real connection with, as it will enable you to develop a level of trust and therefore, a positive professional relationship between you both.

Do your Pro Domme research

It all starts with a search on the internet. Type 'Pro Domme', or ‘professional Mistress near me’ and see what comes up. In most urban areas the list will probably be fairly extensive. There are also Pro Domme directories and Top Lists that you can look out for too. It's also worth looking on sites like here on Fetish or other similar sites as many Dominatrices have profiles. However, access to Pro Domme profiles will depend on the site set-up, your country of residence and the laws that apply there.

Word-of-mouth is valuable, so it can be a good idea to Google and try to find submissives who have written about their experiences on their blog. Or perhaps look through the Twitter profile of a professional Mistress and see who is replying to them. Often, a Professional Dominatrix will have dedicated fans and clients who'll happily sing their praises on forums like that.

Contacting a Pro Domme

Do not contact a Pro Domme without having read her website first, as it's rude and wastes everyone's time. If their website doesn't give you information on what they're into or not, where and when they work, what their limits are, how best to contact them and what to expect when you do, then I'd move right along to the next one.

Take some time to find out what she has on her website about the kinks, fetishes and services on offer, and ensure they fit with what your needs. There's no point in contacting someone if what you're looking for doesn't match, as not every Pro Domme will offer the same experience.

Pro Domme pictures

Some Pro Dommes will have photos of themselves on their website, and some won't. Sometimes, images on their website may only be accessed when you become a client; however, there should be some images available that represent them.

If the Pro Domme doesn't have images of themselves, then pictures of the type of toys and equipment they have and the possible play space or dungeon they work in would all be examples of the things you'd expect to find.

Image of a professional mistress sitting on a chair
Take your time to find out all that a professional Mistress has to offer.

Be honest about you

When you do contact a professional Mistress, be honest and open about what you're looking for, and the level of experience you have. You'll end up having a much better time if you're able to talk openly about your needs so they can tailor to your requirements.

Pro Dommes aren't mind readers, so it's your responsibility to communicate openly, just as much as it's her responsibility to do so, too. A professional Mistress who isn't willing to enter into correspondence with you or have this kind of conversation is not someone you want to be meeting up with.

Pro Domme prices

Have this conversation before agreeing to any session. A professional Dominatrix should be clear about what services she'll provide for a price and how long the session will last. She should also explain how and when to make your payment, but keep in mind that her prices are non-negotiable. Her price is her price, and trying to negotiate her down or get more time out of her will be a sure-fire way to get yourself blocked.

Be polite!

Being polite goes both ways. Unless you've negotiated with your Pro Domme that she should treat you in some other way, she shouldn't be calling you names or talking down to you until you've indicated this is what you desire. But likewise, always remember that this is her profession. A professional Dominatrix deserves your manners and respect, just like anyone else when buying goods and services.

Finding your professional Mistress match

Even after following the above, the only way you'll know if you've found a successful match is to have a session with the Pro Domme you've contacted. Hopefully, by doing proper research, you'll have found a good connection, and only when you finally meet up and play, you'll know for sure if you feel this connection or not - and more importantly, if she's right for you. If not, it's okay to continue your search until you find the right Pro Domme.
Good luck!
Molly x

Liked this? Read 'Interview with a Dominatrix' for a glimpse into the life of a Pro Domme.