How can a kink be non sexual?

[Cade]

I think for me, it's not always sexual in a physical sense; arousing my senses doesn't always equate to making my cock hard. There are many forms of intimacy, and some have nothing to do with sex - at all, and this translates over to kink. For example, my sado-gasms are far strong than orgasms I have from penile stimulation - so much so that I don't need sex after a good scene. The scene IS the sex!

[li****]

2 hours ago, BerryBrighton said:

I have many platonic friends that I play with, not for sex.. maybe it's to offer them experiences or teach someone a tie, or just because it looks fun. Kink doesn't inherently mean sex. This is why I hate the dating app aspect of this site now, too many people just looking to get an easy lay 🙄

Thats not true, I just wanted view of the people that live the lifestyle didn't say anyone was easy lays or anything demeaning. I asked this because the definition in every dictionary says a weird or odd sexual attraction. And back when I was younger that's exactly what it ment having a sexual fixation that's not your everyday. I've been out of it for awhile and seen people using it for far more and instead of making some assumptions, I started this discussion

[ra****]

26 minutes ago, likenooneelse said:

Hmm I figured id get an answer like that but the very definition of the word says different Oxford dictionary and every other definition of the word uses sex as the definition....to me it looks like someone just decided one day that anything you want is a kink. Wich words evolve and are used differently, I guess the definition just hasn't caught up. And sex is not just what happens in the bed either though. I appreciate your response but to me ot doesn't really hold. Again everyone be do you i support everyone to find their happiness and call it whatever you want im not judging but kink has 7 different definitions by the dictionary and not one fit the way you just discussed

Im assuming this was in reply to me, and i think i thought of a better way to word it when replying to someone else. I get the dictionary thing but i think you're correct about language constantly evolving and so on.


As i said to someone else, i get where your coming from i think whats really meant by the statment is that it's not *required* to *always* be sexual for it to still be a bdsm or kinky, if people get a different gratification from it. What i think people mean about the not sexual thing is that its not *required* to be sexual. It typically is, but theres always gonna be exceptions. Plus events like munches dont feel sexual at all, you just have a common interest with people that is sex related, but you dont go there planning to get off lol. so my guess is thats the idea behind the statement, that its also community and etc to people.

[li****]

With that being said I'll answer my own, words often evolve or encompass new meanings and it takes time for main stream to adopt it. Nobody is right or wrong its a deference of regional, the word becoming mainstream and so miss understanding that got it to there. The ones talking about it being non sexual. See kink as can be anything you fixate on and call it a kink. Only problem is these sites are tailored for sexuality people come together to find others that match sexuality but you throw them in a mix where people remove it and call it the same wording its bound to cause atleast a discussion

[li****]

Thank you all for your views input and information, you all are beautiful dont let anyone dim your shine.

[ra****]

11 minutes ago, Cade said:

I think for me, it's not always sexual in a physical sense; arousing my senses doesn't always equate to making my cock hard. There are many forms of intimacy, and some have nothing to do with sex - at all, and this translates over to kink. For example, my sado-gasms are far strong than orgasms I have from penile stimulation - so much so that I don't need sex after a good scene. The scene IS the sex!

Oh! This is such an interesting perspective i wouldnt have thought of that cause it's not something I've experienced.

[li****]

Also the term sex i think has a different meaning to both views

[eg****]

4 hours ago, redfield165492 said:

### 1. The "Flow State" (Mental Health)
Kink can be a form of **active meditation**. When you are engaging in sensation play (like the "sting" or the "heat" . You aren't thinking about your ex, your bills, you are 100% present in your body. It’s "non-sexual" in the same way that skydiving or extreme sports are: it’s about the **rush of being alive.**

### 2. Emotional Catharsis (The "Crying" Release)
Sometimes, a heavy scene or intense sensation doesn't lead to an orgasm—it leads to a **release of suppressed emotion**. Many masochists use kink as a "pressure valve."
* You might have a "scene" just to let out the stress of the week.
* The "drop" (subspace) feels like a deep, spiritual reset rather than a sexual one.

### 3. Power Exchange as "Structure"
For a Switch, sometimes the "Dom/sub" dynamic is just about **delegating the mental load**.
* **Non-sexual example:** Having your partner decide what you eat, what you wear, or how you spend your hour of "quiet time."
* There’s no nudity involved, but the **kink** is the relief of not having to be the "CEO" of your own life for a while.

### 4. Aesthetics and "The Watcher"
As a **Canvas**, your kink might be purely **aesthetic**. You might find deep satisfaction in being bound in rope or covered in wax simply because it’s *beautiful*. It’s an art project where your body is the medium. The turn-on isn't genital; it's the **validation of being seen** as a masterpiece.

### 5. The "Nurture" Aspect (Aftercare)
For many, the "kink" is actually the **Aftercare**. The intense part (the scene) is just the "price of admission" to get to the non-sexual part: being wrapped in a blanket, held, and cared for. It’s about **attachment and safety**, which are core human needs, not just sexual ones.

--
> **"Sex is about what happens in the bed; Kink is about what happens in the brain. Sometimes the brain just needs a massage, not a marathon."**

I think people are conflating “sex” and “sexual”. You can not have sex and not do anything physically sexual in a scene but the scene is still sexual. Someone can experience all that you described but if either party gets sexually aroused/turned on/finds anything hot/etc., then it’s sexual, period. Sexual is anything having to do with sexuality. Kink involves SO much more than sex but it is inherently sexual.

[Cade]

13 minutes ago, raviolioli said:

 

Oh! This is such an interesting perspective i wouldnt have thought of that cause it's not something I've experienced.

I think this may be the case in some aspects where the specific activity is more a fetish rather than just a kink. I think that's why this phenomenon isn't a more common occurrence. Perhaps when something other than traditional sexual conquest is a person's driving fōrce for interpersonal and intimate interactions, sex has a tendency to manifest differently. But I'm also someone that has witnessed someone squirt from deep tissue impact, so...haha...you know...

Edited January 25 by Cade
Typo

[li****]

3 minutes ago, Cade said:

I think this may be the case in some aspects where the specific activity is more a fetish rather than just a kink. I think that's why this phenomenon isn't a more common occurrence. Perhaps when something other than traditional sexual conquest is a person's driving *** for interpersonal and intimate interactions, sex has a tendency to manifest differently. But I'm also someone that has witnessed someone squirt from deep tissue impact, so...haha...you know...

Well said thank you.

[li****]

For real thank you all for your help, and temperaments gives me the warm and tinglings when opposite views can talk discuss with out anger or hate. I do appreciate all of you

[Qu****]

1 hour ago, likenooneelse said:

Hmm I figured id get an answer like that but the very definition of the word says different Oxford dictionary and every other definition of the word uses sex as the definition....to me it looks like someone just decided one day that anything you want is a kink. Wich words evolve and are used differently, I guess the definition just hasn't caught up. And sex is not just what happens in the bed either though. I appreciate your response but to me ot doesn't really hold. Again everyone be do you i support everyone to find their happiness and call it whatever you want im not judging but kink has 7 different definitions by the dictionary and not one fit the way you just discussed

The problem with going off of dictionary terms for sub cultural niches is that most likely the person who wrote it isn't a part of that culture.

Personal example here, I engage in fire play, both as a top & bottom, I get a thrill of setting people on fire and trusting others to do the same. While with my sexual partners I may add in an erotic component, with my platonic partners that component doesn't even go through my mind. Same with my other kinks.

[ey****]

11 hours ago, likenooneelse said:

So here it goes if by definition kink is sexual how can it be possible for anyone to have a nonsexual kink? The definition of kink if im remember correctly assigning sexual tendency to things that aren't usually seen as such. (

that's right, but it's something which has developed into a kinda language drift as such

To think like this I guess... firstly some people only deem something to be sexual if it leads to sex, or turns them personally on.   There are things people do that they enjoy, but don't find arousing. Like some people enjoy impact play, but it doesn't turn them on. So it's non-sexual

Is it a kink? Well. "Normal people" don't go round caning each other for fun.

[Sa****]

How can someone do impact play & not get turned on ???

[ey****]

Just now, SapphireNight said:

How can someone do impact play & not get turned on ???

some would also argue - how do people get turned on by it

[Sa****]

Fair enough.

[wo****]

I personally don’t care what labels people use to categorize and sort their activities. Kink, hobby, interest, practice, etc. If someone refers to their gardening as their kink it’s OK by me.

A woman tells me “I’m into this new kink, come over, you’re going to love it” - then hands me heavy gloves & pruning shears while smiling and pointing at her garden— She’s not getting my enthusiastic consent, period.

I don’t want to hear shit from her about roles or power dynamics either, gardening just ain’t my scene.

[ha****]

57 minutes ago, woburn169344 said:

I personally don’t care what labels people use to categorize and sort their activities. Kink, hobby, interest, practice, etc. If someone refers to their gardening as their kink it’s OK by me.

A woman tells me “I’m into this new kink, come over, you’re going to love it” - then hands me heavy gloves & pruning shears while smiling and pointing at her garden— She’s not getting my enthusiastic consent, period.

I don’t want to hear shit from her about roles or power dynamics either, gardening just ain’t my scene.

Lmao that's awesome post n funny asf 😆

[D_****]

January 25, redfield165492 said:

### 1. The "Flow State" (Mental Health)
Kink can be a form of **active meditation**. When you are engaging in sensation play (like the "sting" or the "heat" . You aren't thinking about your ex, your bills, you are 100% present in your body. It’s "non-sexual" in the same way that skydiving or extreme sports are: it’s about the **rush of being alive.**

### 2. Emotional Catharsis (The "Crying" Release)
Sometimes, a heavy scene or intense sensation doesn't lead to an orgasm—it leads to a **release of suppressed emotion**. Many masochists use kink as a "pressure valve."
* You might have a "scene" just to let out the stress of the week.
* The "drop" (subspace) feels like a deep, spiritual reset rather than a sexual one.

### 3. Power Exchange as "Structure"
For a Switch, sometimes the "Dom/sub" dynamic is just about **delegating the mental load**.
* **Non-sexual example:** Having your partner decide what you eat, what you wear, or how you spend your hour of "quiet time."
* There’s no nudity involved, but the **kink** is the relief of not having to be the "CEO" of your own life for a while.

### 4. Aesthetics and "The Watcher"
As a **Canvas**, your kink might be purely **aesthetic**. You might find deep satisfaction in being bound in rope or covered in wax simply because it’s *beautiful*. It’s an art project where your body is the medium. The turn-on isn't genital; it's the **validation of being seen** as a masterpiece.

### 5. The "Nurture" Aspect (Aftercare)
For many, the "kink" is actually the **Aftercare**. The intense part (the scene) is just the "price of admission" to get to the non-sexual part: being wrapped in a blanket, held, and cared for. It’s about **attachment and safety**, which are core human needs, not just sexual ones.

--
> **"Sex is about what happens in the bed; Kink is about what happens in the brain. Sometimes the brain just needs a massage, not a marathon."**

This 💯

[ra****]

I feel like for me, it can almost be like domestic dominance. Nonsexual in general, though could be sexual if made that way. Ideally, it’s something as simple as a Dom picking out the clothes a sub would wear, or caring for their sub by making them a cup of tea. Expectation is what makes the dominance. The Dom expects the tea to be drank, but not because of power. It’s the desire to take care of their sub. Just like for me, I enjoy servitude as domestic dominance for my Dom. Doing the dishes after they cook a meal, or washing their hair, etc. The easiest way for me to describe is love languages, specifically Acts of Service.

[on****]

I agree with you that kink implies sexuality.

But power exchange as a dynamic may not. Nor masochism nor sadism.

Or really any or all of the other things we do under the general “kink” umbrella.

[li****]

I just wanted to see all sides of it, I dont agree or disagree with anyone on it, if it fits and makes people grow I dont care what it's called. My only thing is by definition I'm talking Websters and such it it says sexual but again dictionaries do not keep up with dialect and slang and plot of words are used for more then the dictionaries terms. I dont believe anyone is right or wrong but it does muddy the water so to speak widening the term puts people that may not be sexual into a category with people that feel it is I can see were it might lead to some confusion. Stay blessed everyone thank you all for your information and input