Mi**** Posted Monday at 06:44 PM Author 16 minutes ago, giispott said: All of these long drawn out answers and it’s not that deep lmaoo. All he needs is a new haircut, new clothes, grow out his beard and maybe go to the gym if he wants a lil extra razzle dazzle. Simple. He didn’t ask about his personality and we definitely judge off looks immediately because that’s what is presented to us on these apps… you don’t know anything else about someone until you speak to them. Thanks for this. I will go get new clothes and feel good in my selection, like they’re what I want and feel like me (and are what I can afford ha!) and then someone will say I need better clothes. Like every time i go out and spend *** on clothes I get the same response. Easy to just stop buying new clothes cause each attempt is costly, jt’s like spending *** just to strikeout over and over again. The hair I dont know how I can really do any differently cause its so thin and I’m balding. But I’d try something different if it were possible. Been goimg to gym last eight months. My beard when I grow any farther gets prickly and then looks unkempt. It also turns red which looks like shit and is a very, very niche attraction, most women find it polar opposite of sexy, kind of like chest/torso hair or being blond and not dark haired
Mi**** Posted Monday at 07:01 PM Author 3 hours ago, GreenOceanx said: PS: I like your profile and your pictures. The pictures are friendly, personal, and cute. I definitely think you're attractive! Your profile text is personal, I like it. I'm empathetic and energetic, and I think it's noticeable that you might not be completely secure within yourself. That's something you could perhaps work on. Have a life that makes you very happy and that you could continue to live for many years to come. The missing pieces will definitely come when you're at peace with yourself. SELFWORK AND SELF IMPROVEMENT, reading and reflecting is a huge turn on! saddly there are not so much men that are trully reflecting themselves 🙏 Many great pieces of insight—thank you! You’re right I don’t feel secure within myself. That comes from fact I do most of the things you say are attractive qualities (except the manicure part, haven’t done that one yet but I do always keep my nails clean) and yet still have basically no one interested in me while other guys are shown interest. It’s frustrating doing all those things and then guys who don’t follow any of those standards are shaking their heads at me cause I have nothing to show for all my work when they’re liked despite barely any effort or care. Starts to feel like I’m gaslighting myself. As for having a life, I do a lot of creative pursuits (photography, guitar, writing), but I’m learning I’m not very good at any of them so in pursuing things that give life meaning I’m finding that I’m not really any good at any of them even after years of practice and dedication and passion. So then the whole giving my life meaning thing turns out to just show me how I’m inadequate in yet another way. So I do most of the things women say are attractive (and cause I want to, for my own sake; they legitimately make me feel good on their own) and I practice and practice the creative interests and yet both I repeatedly come up short on while others have success doing these same things. So then my failure at those things begins to feel like an indictment on my entire being, the entirety of who I am, and so it’s hard to keep my chin up when despite anything I do I just cant seem to measure up to anything good
sardonicus87 Posted Monday at 07:17 PM 50 minutes ago, giispott said: All of these long drawn out answers and it’s not that deep lmaoo. All he needs is a new haircut, new clothes, grow out his beard and maybe go to the gym if he wants a lil extra razzle dazzle. Simple. He didn’t ask about his personality and we definitely judge off looks immediately because that’s what is presented to us on these apps… you don’t know anything else about someone until you speak to them. That's kind of the thing too, everyone wants to be all "it's probably this" or "probably that" and it's like, can't be because nobody even knows you, they're pre-judging you on what you look like and profile says. Like when people say "what do you bring to the table" when it's irrelevant if nobody even gives you a chance to show what you bring. People mostly full of shit online, shallow af and don't want to admit it.
Mi**** Posted Monday at 07:18 PM Author 10 hours ago, Lycaone said: Okay, listen up. Attractiveness is like 10% good genes, 10% style and 80% the vibe you give. The actual look really doesn't matter much- the sexiest person I've ever met had greasy hair and pimples! It's the way your look expresses your personality and it also is a lot about the personality itself. To be attractive, you need to be in love with the person you are. You need to find a look you are comfortable with, a look that expresses yourself. You need confidence, REAL confidence, which means you never say too much or not enough. You need to be totally okay with the fact it doesn't always work on anyone. You need to be able to read a room. And you need to feel comfortable in your body. Bonus points if you are funny, smart, empathetic or have a lot of experience Thank you. I feel like the things I have to be confident about are things women rarely ever find sexy (usually they want me as a serious bf which means my qualities are attractive as stability, not as sexiness—that’s beyond secondary when your qualities are stability based). I want to be confident in my creative pursuits, but I’m finding out I’m not able to make myself desirable, in a sense, in that realm either. When I show people my photography or play music in front of them or share a piece of writing with them I will be told how amateurish and bad my work is (some people will say it’s good but I know they’re just being nice since I hear how bad it is whenever I show to people whom I ask to be completely honest and critical. My photography mentor I just showed my 10 best shots and they said I shouldn’t even put them on my website, basically insinuating I should be too embarrassed by them to even give them the light of day)
Mi**** Posted Monday at 07:30 PM Author 12 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said: That's kind of the thing too, everyone wants to be all "it's probably this" or "probably that" and it's like, can't be because nobody even knows you, they're pre-judging you on what you look like and profile says. Like when people say "what do you bring to the table" when it's irrelevant if nobody even gives you a chance to show what you bring. People mostly full of shit online, shallow af and don't want to admit it. Fair point. It is weird how online dating makes it so that the people who thrive at marketing themselves are the people who garner the most interest/attention. So it can have less to do with who a person is and more to do with how much they know about marketing. Kind of like how resumes don’t always find the best candidate for a job and so then lots of people who would be perfect hire miss out on even getting a chance to interview in person to fully assess their traits
Frenchies Posted Monday at 07:39 PM Why so much emphasise on sex ? Be friendly and sincere if you wish to find a partner for sharing your interests together.
Ly**** Posted Monday at 10:39 PM 3 hours ago, MisterSatisfaction said: Thank you. I feel like the things I have to be confident about are things women rarely ever find sexy (usually they want me as a serious bf which means my qualities are attractive as stability, not as sexiness—that’s beyond secondary when your qualities are stability based). I want to be confident in my creative pursuits, but I’m finding out I’m not able to make myself desirable, in a sense, in that realm either. When I show people my photography or play music in front of them or share a piece of writing with them I will be told how amateurish and bad my work is (some people will say it’s good but I know they’re just being nice since I hear how bad it is whenever I show to people whom I ask to be completely honest and critical. My photography mentor I just showed my 10 best shots and they said I shouldn’t even put them on my website, basically insinuating I should be too embarrassed by them to even give them the light of day) It's good to be confident about your strong sides, but what you really need to be confident about is that Being MisterSatisfaction Is A Cool Thing. Like, you need to breathe the knowledge that it's nice to be you. That it's enjoyable to walk in your shoes. Confidence about everything else is an add-on. Also, you should worry less about whether your art is good. It's already cool that you do it! You'll eventually become good at it. If only the most talented birds sung, the forest would be pretty silent.
mo**** Posted Monday at 10:49 PM 21 hours ago, theegyptianking said: Ps I like to be able to talk to a guy about anything and everything and know they view me as a person wnd want to get to know me. Talk about my interests hobbies and life and theirs too. and I love the build up to sexual chemistry Yes getting to know a woman is very important. I would say it falls under what I said about respecting them as well as talking to them. Take the time to get to know her before anything else.
li**** Posted Monday at 11:15 PM Forgot to say this before: men rarely get likes here regardless of how good they look. You actually have a few so you're more like the exception. So you don't have to be sad about it.
De**** Posted Monday at 11:20 PM As you asked for honesty I will give that to you. A few things : . 1. When you say that you are wanting the sex life that you desire and that you are unable to achieve it, I need some clarification. I’m assuming your are trying to engage women and are not getting a response. My question to you is, what women are you engaging? Is it all women or only ones that you personally find physically attractive? Often, people complain about being judged on looks when then themselves are judging on looks. For example, if you are only interested in women who are super model level physically you are probably limiting yourself. So when you say “looks are the only thing that is important to others” on dating apps it begs the question, are they the only thing important to you? If yes, than you are limiting yourself and therefore limiting the possible partners. . 2. Women on dating apps get more messages than men. I’m not going to debate on if that’s fair or not, I’m just going to state that is the fact. As such, you need to make yourself stand out. Are you approaching with the supplied ice breakers or generic “hi” messages? If so, you are going to get few, if any responses. Read profiles, find parts of those profiles that you find truly interesting, and start a genuine conversation from there. . 3. You asked if you can make yourself more attractive. The most attractive people are confident, take pride in their appearance, and genuinely connect to others in a meaningful way. Take care of yourself (hygiene and appearance). Be confident and respectful and others will find you more attractive.
Mi**** Posted yesterday at 01:07 AM Author Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts and I’m grateful for you sharing them with me. 2. I don’t hit people with “hi”. I read profiles and write thoughtful ice breakers. I could maybe be uninteresting cause I don’t know what to talk to people about. Vanilla nonsex me is usually the introverted dork type, so within 10 seconds I have usually shot myself in the foot because most of the women out there are not into dorky introverted types. I kind of have to try to think of something good to say that’s also what a guy who is opposite of me would say, something a sexy, make women salivate type would say. Maybe you know or maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be yourself and then get an annoyed reaction back 999 times out of 1,000. That’s why I don’t like being myself, it’s so unsexy to the vast majority of women and then having the version that is most genuinely me be a turnoff 99.9% of the time is of course going to lead you to lose confidence and just give up. 3. I used to do all these (still do most), but they slipped cause of things I talked about in 2. I started taking care of myself over a decade ago and have never left the house not looking my best. I strive to always treat everyone with respect. The confidence part and connecting with people in meaningful ways fell off. Confidence slipped cause I knew I was doing pretty much everything that’s said to be attractive and yet still almost never were women I was attracted to were attracted to me. Which brings me to 1. 1. This is probably the most thought provoking and would lead to the most engaging discussion. I’m not looking for models. And I’m attracted to a wider range than most guys are. But I made a promise to myself this last year that I would no longer get with women I wasn’t attracted to. That’s just plain cruel to date or sleep with someone who you are not at all attracted to. I’m ashamed I was doing this, being that kind of scumbag to women. There’s no excuse for it, deep down I knew better than to do that. I still engage all women (I learn more about myself and wisdom around life in general from women than I do men so I’m always looking for opportunities to engage with women), but I don’t flirt or pursue all women if that’s what you mean. I think I wish I were attractive enough that I didn’t have to worry about being below the “league” I find attractive. I know it’s stupid and pathetic and petty, but I seriously havent wanted anything else and can’t seem to find the same desire as I’ve had to be objectively attractive to pretty much all women. I hate that I’m wired that way and wish I could do away with it. Looks are not all that matter to me, by the way, I’m very much attracted to personality. But if I’m not physically attracted then I just can’t do that, then I would be lying about being attracted to her despite how much I like her for other reasons. I wish I were different and do know I’m a huge POS for that. But I wish I were objectively attractive so that I wouldn’t have this feeling that I’m settling for someone (another shitty thing to even be concerned with and probably another thing I’m a scumbag for), like if I were objectively attractive then I wouldn’t be under the league of women I find attractive. I do *** that I’m in the unattractive “league” and that my only option is to settle for women I’m not actually attracted to in a romantic or sexual way. Oh and where this comes into sex life…Again, if I were objectively hot, sexy to women then I wouldn’t be dependent on settling for women I’m not attracted to just so I can fulfill my sexual desires when they come up. Like I said, that’s unethical IMO (maybe in some instances it’s okay cause you do have at least some kind of admiration or interest in them in one form or another). Another good example is my ex and I wanted to find a unicorn or another couple or something, and she pointed out that we weren’t attractive enough to find anyone who was attractive to her (she knew she could get a couple or a guy or even a woman she found attractive on her own, so the comment, which I don’t think she meant to do intentionally, was saying I was the reason no one attractive enough would get with us). And, I don’t really want to, feels uncomfortable, but a bit of a humble brag: people always say I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m kind, and I have a high EQ. I also have a strong libido, i’m very sexually creative, I’m very open to and encouraging of sexual communication, I focus my intent very directly on women’s pleasure, and I dedicate myself to supporting partners (and women in general, really) in expressing their sexual desires and make my best effort to create a safe space to openly express their sexuality. So, if I’m only attractive to women I’m not attracted to myself, then I have to repress that part of myself. And then, when I feel confident it’s not fully confident and especially not confident in the realm of interactions with women because I basically have to cut out a part of my identity. I would love to be able to show that side of myself or express is to others who might be intrigued by it, but if the women I’m attracted to find me unattractive I never get a chance to accept and show that part of myself, to even be able to like myself for that part of my identity. I used to get with someone I wasn’t attracted to out of desperation to get out of sexual isolation. I’m not going to do that anymore, so that’s why I say my looks contribute directly to my having anything like a sex life like I’ve always desired and used to have confidence that I was worthy of a sex life. That confidence got crushed once I started to realize a lot of the stuff I just mentioned
De**** Posted yesterday at 01:30 AM 22 minutes ago, MisterSatisfaction said: Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts and I’m grateful for you sharing them with me. 2. I don’t hit people with “hi”. I read profiles and write thoughtful ice breakers. I could maybe be uninteresting cause I don’t know what to talk to people about. Vanilla nonsex me is usually the introverted dork type, so within 10 seconds I have usually shot myself in the foot because most of the women out there are not into dorky introverted types. I kind of have to try to think of something good to say that’s also what a guy who is opposite of me would say, something a sexy, make women salivate type would say. Maybe you know or maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be yourself and then get an annoyed reaction back 999 times out of 1,000. That’s why I don’t like being myself, it’s so unsexy to the vast majority of women and then having the version that is most genuinely me be a turnoff 99.9% of the time is of course going to lead you to lose confidence and just give up. 3. I used to do all these (still do most), but they slipped cause of things I talked about in 2. I started taking care of myself over a decade ago and have never left the house not looking my best. I strive to always treat everyone with respect. The confidence part and connecting with people in meaningful ways fell off. Confidence slipped cause I knew I was doing pretty much everything that’s said to be attractive and yet still almost never were women I was attracted to were attracted to me. Which brings me to 1. 1. This is probably the most thought provoking and would lead to the most engaging discussion. I’m not looking for models. And I’m attracted to a wider range than most guys are. But I made a promise to myself this last year that I would no longer get with women I wasn’t attracted to. That’s just plain cruel to date or sleep with someone who you are not at all attracted to. I’m ashamed I was doing this, being that kind of scumbag to women. There’s no excuse for it, deep down I knew better than to do that. I still engage all women (I learn more about myself and wisdom around life in general from women than I do men so I’m always looking for opportunities to engage with women), but I don’t flirt or pursue all women if that’s what you mean. I think I wish I were attractive enough that I didn’t have to worry about being below the “league” I find attractive. I know it’s stupid and pathetic and petty, but I seriously havent wanted anything else and can’t seem to find the same desire as I’ve had to be objectively attractive to pretty much all women. I hate that I’m wired that way and wish I could do away with it. Looks are not all that matter to me, by the way, I’m very much attracted to personality. But if I’m not physically attracted then I just can’t do that, then I would be lying about being attracted to her despite how much I like her for other reasons. I wish I were different and do know I’m a huge POS for that. But I wish I were objectively attractive so that I wouldn’t have this feeling that I’m settling for someone (another shitty thing to even be concerned with and probably another thing I’m a scumbag for), like if I were objectively attractive then I wouldn’t be under the league of women I find attractive. I do *** that I’m in the unattractive “league” and that my only option is to settle for women I’m not actually attracted to in a romantic or sexual way. Oh and where this comes into sex life…Again, if I were objectively hot, sexy to women then I wouldn’t be dependent on settling for women I’m not attracted to just so I can fulfill my sexual desires when they come up. Like I said, that’s unethical IMO (maybe in some instances it’s okay cause you do have at least some kind of admiration or interest in them in one form or another). Another good example is my ex and I wanted to find a unicorn or another couple or something, and she pointed out that we weren’t attractive enough to find anyone who was attractive to her (she knew she could get a couple or a guy or even a woman she found attractive on her own, so the comment, which I don’t think she meant to do intentionally, was saying I was the reason no one attractive enough would get with us). And, I don’t really want to, feels uncomfortable, but a bit of a humble brag: people always say I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m kind, and I have a high EQ. I also have a strong libido, i’m very sexually creative, I’m very open to and encouraging of sexual communication, I focus my intent very directly on women’s pleasure, and I dedicate myself to supporting partners (and women in general, really) in expressing their sexual desires and make my best effort to create a safe space to openly express their sexuality. So, if I’m only attractive to women I’m not attracted to myself, then I have to repress that part of myself. And then, when I feel confident it’s not fully confident and especially not confident in the realm of interactions with women because I basically have to cut out a part of my identity. I would love to be able to show that side of myself or express is to others who might be intrigued by it, but if the women I’m attracted to find me unattractive I never get a chance to accept and show that part of myself, to even be able to like myself for that part of my identity. I used to get with someone I wasn’t attracted to out of desperation to get out of sexual isolation. I’m not going to do that anymore, so that’s why I say my looks contribute directly to my having anything like a sex life like I’ve always desired and used to have confidence that I was worthy of a sex life. That confidence got crushed once I started to realize a lot of the stuff I just mentioned I’m not wired like most people as I’m demisexual. That means I’m generally asexual unless I fall in love with someone. The only human being that is attractive to me is my Dom. That happened because we became best friends, fell in love, and then he became attractive to me. . What you can learn from that is that looks aren’t everything to everyone. There are plenty of people that find attraction based off more than looks alone. So be yourself and find someone who is attractive to who you are. . From what I can tell you are an okay looking guy. So you need to keep trying to illicit conversation from a genuine perspective place. That means reading profiles and being yourself. If they don’t like that, they aren’t the person for you. As far as women salivating from your opening like… that doesn’t happen. A guy coming at a random women sexually is beyond gross. . The other thing I will tell you is this, for most women on these apps we know that men are playing an odds game and reaching out to any women they deem attractive. Most women are not into being an option, they want to be the goal. So again, read the profile try to make an individual connection.
li**** Posted 11 hours ago I just wanna say bro you’re honestly rly handsome and it’s really sad what an online world can to someone’s self esteem. Remember those apps primary *** making mechanism is making men feel less desirable so they feel like they need to buy boosters. Cultivate love in your heart until it flows out of you 💚
Mi**** Posted 4 hours ago Author 6 hours ago, liminal-light said: I just wanna say bro you’re honestly rly handsome and it’s really sad what an online world can to someone’s self esteem. Remember those apps primary *** making mechanism is making men feel less desirable so they feel like they need to buy boosters. Cultivate love in your heart until it flows out of you 💚 Thank you 😊 You’re right about the apps end goal. Everyone needs to revolt against them
ey**** Posted 29 minutes ago 4 hours ago, MisterSatisfaction said: Everyone needs to revolt against them the only way to revolt against the apps is not to be on them. Like. Really. Spend the time you would have spent online, in real life kink spaces.
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