Sexuality confusion 🤔

[Moon-8288]

So i been looking to meet people from this app and in that endeavour I started chatting with one or other trans men. But on some of the profiles there's angry words about if I wanna meet and hook up with the trans man I should not call myself hetero. So now I am confused because what am I now? I've never tried but I don't think I would mind being sexual with a man with a vagina? I just don't like dicks? XD I just like my partner in play or sex or relationship to be a pleasant loving person to be around 👀 yeah what do you guys think what am I now? xD I just don't want to be rude or misleading 😧

[an****]

well trans men are men, so regardless of his parts if you like a man, you're not straight :)

[sa****]

I think you have the definition of trans men and trans women confused dear.

[th****]

If you’re attracted to men (including trans men) and you’re also a man, that does in fact mean it’s gay.

[Deleted Member]

Also not all trans men have a vagina. What you need to be ok with is a booty hole. And honestly I don't understand why so many people get hung up on labels....

[SwitchySphinx]

@thornyswitch I think that has now become a gray area. He’s not attracted or interested in a dick, and having sex with a man. It doesn’t sound like he want a dick in the ass….he specifically said vagina. Obviously if that vagina is attached to a person who presents as a man, the most I would said is curious. I’m not sure I’d even say bi?!

[SwitchySphinx]

And for that matter, there are a BUNCH of men that enjoy pegging but want NOTHING to do with a man. Pleasure is pleasure, I’m not sure why everyone needs a label.

[Gr****]

I’d say I’d agree with peg. Don’t try to constrain yourself to a “orientation label” it’s pointless because everyone’s definition is different. I think it’s best to say what you enjoy and if someone else finds pleasure in fulfilling something you do derive pleasure from, then do it 🙂‍↔️ i like what I like and if it doesn’t fit nicely in someone else’s label definition that’s their problem.

[Do****]

Im strait. But I have been with trans women and Trans men. For me what it comes down too is im attracted to femininity. The Trans women I played woth were gorgious women, more beautiful and feminine then some lf the cis womem ive been with. Alternatively the Trans men I was with still looked feminine when they undressed. One I was with a long time ago and tried to years lager but they had then had top surgery and several more years of testosterone and they looked more masculine I just couldn't get into it. So yes im strait. Now if your ok with your trans men looking masculine then perhaps your bisexual or pansexual. But dont let anyone tell you what you are. Its your opinion that matters

[Moon-8288]

Yeah I don't know I'm just very confused right now xD and I'm concerned about the labels because I'm only dating website here what do I put in my profile to be as accurate as I can because I don't want to swindle anyone and apparently some trans men and for problem with me saying I'm hetero and that made me stop and think 😯 I can eat vagina all day but even the thought of having a penis put in my ass or mouth make me shiver and not sir pleasurable kind. But I don't think I would mind dating or hooking up with someone with masculine traits as long as the right genital is present ? In thought about what label to put in my profil be as truthful and transparent as possible . What am i now ? Because I feel like I'm still just hetero but with an open mind to try new things and give trans men a chance as long as final surgery is not done yet. Which opens the whole other kind of worms I am aware xD but not the topic

[SwitchySphinx]

So I’d say that then. Hetero, but open to trans men before bottom surgery?? If they have a problem with what YOU call YOURSELF I wouldnt be bothered with them in the first place.

[gl****]

Trans man here. It is kinda weird to say I'm straight and then date trans men, especially when we are in a world where it's unsafe to tell people that we are trans men in person. I guess a better term if you wanted to use it would be hetroflexible? Either way, I'd start with separating sex from gender.

[Moon-8288]

Thank you @LTPeg I wasn't on the dating market in almost 15 years and alooooooot has changed and I'm discovering complete new things about myself which can be very confusing at times if my selfview is challenged like that that's it for the most part answered my question and got me a little less confused 🤗

[ol****]

1 hour ago, Domjuan1981 said:

Im strait. But I have been with trans women and Trans men. For me what it comes down too is im attracted to femininity. The Trans women I played woth were gorgious women, more beautiful and feminine then some lf the cis womem ive been with. Alternatively the Trans men I was with still looked feminine when they undressed. One I was with a long time ago and tried to years lager but they had then had top surgery and several more years of testosterone and they looked more masculine I just couldn't get into it. So yes im strait. Now if your ok with your trans men looking masculine then perhaps your bisexual or pansexual. But dont let anyone tell you what you are. Its your opinion that matters

Walks like a duck, talks like a duck, I guess it’s an elephant. - regardless of what you believe your sexual orientation is, you are certainly almost what they call bicurious, noting wrong with any sexual orientation, but saying one what you don’t deny with is confusing to your potential partner. I’ve found the term that likely identifies with you gynesexual- as for the whole “don’t let anyone tell you what you are, it’s your opinion that matters”- although the sentiment is nice, words convey meaning, and aid in understanding, if you say your straight, people will assume you only like a female gender, doctors for instance will just assume all sexually transmitted diseases that is somewhat common with male to male contact is out of the question- as you’ve stated your straight. Usually doctors use a process of elimination to determine the cause of a potential sickness.

So definitions are helpful to society, and to the health care system, they allow for cohesive understanding between multiple groups of people, and this is one of the reasons scientific terminology is normally university used- like the anatomical position, taught the same in basically all text books.

When a label becomes a self determining statement it causes people, because as your well aware, people are all different, and therefore their interpretation is different, now of course this happened with defined labels, however the main purpose of the label isn’t lost, whilst self determined labels make this process even more chaotic.

Definitions for words have allows for people to collectively interpret one another, and convey a meaning that can be understood by many others, without them, or would be chaotic- for example, of everyone started to call a dog a cat because it looked like a cat, that’s why it’s good we have developed distinctions to aid in understanding - that’s why words like: cis male, cis female, trans male, and trans female, they convey a understanding of gender, where cis is assigned with the same gender as both, and trans is a assigned a different gender at birth.

[Moon-8288]

Oh the bunch more messages popped up it was a weird delayed refresh thanks everyone for all the opinions and advice 🤗 I appreciate you all staying civil even though it's such a loaded topic

[SwitchySphinx]

@gluttonouspuppy while I completely understand what you’re saying as it applies to the “outside world” here on FET we’re all looking for our kink, so if OP was interested in being with a trans man he could message you and explain/chat. If you felt unsafe due to the language on his profile you could just avoid starting a conversation with him, and if he reached out to you, you’d be protected by having an online conversation. Heteroflexible may send the wrong message that he may be interested in men/gay. I think all that needs to happen is conversation, which thankfully due to the app, we can all have safely.

[SwitchySphinx]

@gluttonouspuppy understood, but I *** heteroflexible may send the message that he could be gay, which he does not want. I think good old conversation would be the way. And thankfully we all have the safety of the FET app, though I do understand how it can go IRL. If the wording of his profile comes across as offensive to some they can just steer clear of messaging him. If HE is interested he can reach out first and explain himself in more detail.

[gl****]

21 minutes ago, LTPeg said:

@gluttonouspuppy understood, but I *** heteroflexible may send the message that he could be gay, which he does not want. I think good old conversation would be the way. And thankfully we all have the safety of the FET app, though I do understand how it can go IRL. If the wording of his profile comes across as offensive to some they can just steer clear of messaging him. If HE is interested he can reach out first and explain himself in more detail.

That's a bad faith argument that I'm going to hope you meant in good faith, so I'm going to explain why that doesn't mean he can be gay at times.
Someone who identifies with anything outside of the edges of the spectrum (ie straight, gay) that dates the same gender does not automatically make them the fringe extreme- alA bisexual woman dating a woman does not make her a lesbian, it makes her bisexual and he's currently dating someone of the opposite gender.
So, in this case, heteoFLEXIBE means that he identifies as pretty straight, but sometimes he dates men.

[SwitchySphinx]

But that opens the door to men with a penis, which he has stated he is NOT interested in. (Apologies for 2 posts my internet connection is spotty where I am, and my original post was not showing up, so I thought it glitched.)

[SwitchySphinx]

If a gay biological male reads “heterosexual” they may think he may be interested in a gay relationship, which he has said he is not. He enjoys vaginal intercourse, but is open to being with a trans man that has a vagina. It seems there are still some things he is working out, but he knows that he is not interested in a penis at all. So again, just explaining in his bio, like many people who are exploring/curious have done, I’m straight but I’m open to trans men that haven’t had bottom surgery (or something like that) would be the CLEAREST way to communicate his interests.

[SwitchySphinx]

*heteroflexible

[Moon-8288]

This or that way you only have that many options in picking your sexual orientation on the site 🤔 but I really like the approach @LTPeg keep it at hetero and then explain in the profile that I am down or interested to try hooking up or dating a transmale without the bottom surgery 🤗 that wood bring across my intentions the most straightforward which is what I want to do

[on****]

6 hours ago, gluttonouspuppy said:

That's a bad faith argument that I'm going to hope you meant in good faith, so I'm going to explain why that doesn't mean he can be gay at times.
Someone who identifies with anything outside of the edges of the spectrum (ie straight, gay) that dates the same gender does not automatically make them the fringe extreme- alA bisexual woman dating a woman does not make her a lesbian, it makes her bisexual and he's currently dating someone of the opposite gender.
So, in this case, heteoFLEXIBE means that he identifies as pretty straight, but sometimes he dates men.

I find it interesting how the comments break down here between people with opinions about trans men and actual trans men or mascs.

There is a whole level of trans panic vibe about “I want to make sure I only ever am exposed to people with the bits I’m attracted to and everyone else must never look at me” that makes me head tilt in this conversation.

There could be any number of reasons a person might not find another person attractive for purposes of intercourse.

I think a mature way to go about it is “oh thanks so much but no thanks” rather than “ew I don’t like that” is likely a better option than trying to artificially shield one’s self from all penii.

[Moon-8288]

Onecrow I disagree I can with definition say I don't like penis I did have some MFM threesomes And always immediately got an ick when the second lemme saaaay "sword" came too close to my holes

[on****]

2 minutes ago, Moon-8288 said:

Onecrow I disagree I can with definition say I don't like penis I did have some MFM threesomes And always immediately got an ick when the second lemme saaaay "sword" came too close to my holes

You’ve made that abundantly clear. ;)

As I said, rather than trying to make it so your sexuality somehow indicates you never ever want to see a penis, you could just politely say “no thank you” when the topic comes up.

Which seems to be a more polite and adult way to handle these things if you see what I’m saying.