Sex Coach Interview | Dr. Celina Criss on Sex Coaching, Bratting and Kink

While the urge for sex is naturally built-in for most of us, knowing how to enjoy it or be a great lover isn't. Similarly, learning to enjoy sex through individual experience can expose us to insecurities, traumatic incidences, fear, and shame. This kinky education month, Molly Moore talks to certified sex coach and educator Dr. Celina Criss about what a sex coach does, bratting, and how kink fits into her work.

MM: Let's start at the beginning. What led you to study human sexuality?
CC: Fascination! I was working with a coach through a career transition, and it came up in one of our sessions that I'd love to do what she was doing (sex coaching.) So we started Googling, which is how I found Sex Coach U and where I did my training. When I met the founders, Dr. Patti Britton and Dr. Robert Dunlap - I knew I was home.

MM: I love that feeling when you know you've found your people! So help our readers with the big question; what is a sex coach?
CC: A sex coach is someone who has studied sexology as well as coaching. We support people with various concerns about sexuality, expression, identity, and relationships. It's goal and results-oriented; the client sets their goals, and we help the client reach them.

Some of us focus on BDSM; others do not. Each coach has their areas of specialty. BDSM is one of my favorite areas of sexuality to discuss, but it isn't the only thing I address. For example, I focus on sexual expression and freedom in my practice. I also provide support for parents, including supervision and mentorship to other sex coaches. I also facilitate SAR (Sexual Attitude Reassessment), training for sexological professionals, and am the Director of Curriculum at Sex Coach U.

MM: What are some of the most common reasons/problems that bring people to your practice?
CC: I'd describe my clients as explorers. They're usually looking to expand their sexual repertoire, and it's not always about kink. Problems often center around communication, and the most common question is, "am I normal?" But we can talk about nearly anything or refer a client to a colleague if we realize we're not a good fit.

MM: Finding a sex coach that you fit with is essential. How can people go about doing that? 
CC: The first stop would be WASC (World Association of Sex Coaches), of course. Also, the NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom) has a list of Kink-Aware Professionals.

MM: Tell us a little more about WASC
CC: WASC is the first international professional organization dedicated to sex coaching. Our field is relatively young, and we needed a professional home. WASC provides networking and development opportunities for members and a directory for potential clients seeking a service provider. We vet all our members and confirm their credentials and skill sets – so that when clients come to us, they know they're connecting with a skilled professional with legitimate training and degrees. WASC is a perfect resource for anyone out there looking for a sex coach.

MM: If someone came to you new to kink and asked where to start, what would be your top three things you'd advise them to do first?
CC:  First, get to know your local BDSM community—they're a terrific resource. Second, take classes if available – a terrific way to develop your skills AND make friends. Third, go slowly and learn your limits. It's OK to have limits, and it's OK to say no to anyone who makes you uncomfortable.

MM: In your experience, what are some common mistakes people make when starting a kink relationship?
CC: The theme throughout has to do with two main things: 1. Know yourself: desires, limits, needs. 2. Communication & negotiation. These are consistently the two main things I help people with when they are new to kink. They'll ask me about gear, rope, or how to suspend a person. But, we almost always land back on one or both of these topics.

MM: Agree. While writing my regular Fetish.com column, I've found that many questions people ask can be linked back to these central themes. When it comes to the broader world, what do you think is most commonly misunderstood about kinky people?
CC:  We're just like anyone else – educated, professional, and family-oriented with hopes, dreams, and goals for early retirement. It's not all kink all the time unless it is.

MM: Let's talk about the course you have at Fetish.com's BDSM Training School on bratting because it's a kink I think many people don't understand. How do you define bratting?
CC: Bratting is like kinky chess in a way... you're looking for ways to outsmart your partner, but always with fun and joy at the center - this isn't about making people upset or angry; it's about deliberately playing with the rules and breaking them because it's fun.

MM: Why did you decide to offer a course in this aspect of kink?
CC: It was a hot topic when we created this course – I was getting a lot of questions about bratting at the time, so it was a lot of fun to make this and put some of these ideas into the world.

MM: What do you love about bratting?
CC: So, I don't define myself as a brat or submissive... the closest you'll get out of me is that I prefer to bottom. I am none of these things all of the time, so it isn't an identity. I enjoy BDSM play because of its freedom and creativity – you can explore various aspects of your expression and power and different flavors of sensation and connection with your partner(s). I enjoy bratting because it makes me giggle. I like the challenge; it's like a puzzle – how can I lose and still win?

MM: I love "How can I lose and still win." I can strongly identify with this statement and love the playful element of this dynamic. Do you think people often misunderstand Brats?
CC: I think brats are unfairly labeled "naughty subs" or "topping from the bottom ." Not all brats are subs, and bratting is its own flavor of power play. No outside observer gets to label the players in a scene, and if the people playing together are having fun, who cares what they call it?

MM: Regarding your bratting course at the BDSM Training School, is it for brats or people in a relationship with brats?
CC: This course is for anyone interested in bratting! If you are playing with a brat dynamic, there are some ideas for negotiating and establishing your field of play. Enjoy!

MM: Finally, a little about you: I know you're an American living in Germany, but what do you miss about the US?
CC: My family, watching the fog rolling through San Francisco and over the Bay, the smell of the ocean.

MM: What's your favorite thing about living in Germany?
CC: Bavaria is beautiful! There are so many things to love about living here - let's just say it fits!

Huge thanks to Dr. Celina for taking the time to chat. Hopefully, this article will help shine a light on what a sex coach does and the benefits of sex coaching. Keep it kinky! 
 

Discover more about bratting with Dr. Celina's course at the BDSM Training School.
 

Cover image: via Shutterstock.com