Do you discuss scenarios before playing them out?

[fr****]

Hey everyone,

Curious how others handle this and thought it might make for an interesting discussion.

When you’re planning a scene or a kink scenario with someone, how much do you talk through in advance? Do you:

- Keep it quite loose and just agree on general limits and vibes, then see where things go in the moment?
- Or do you prefer to map out a clear structure (e.g. start → build-up → goal/end point), so both of you know what’s coming?

I’m also really interested in what people do once you reach the “goal” or the natural end of what was discussed.

For example:

- If you’ve agreed on a specific endpoint (a particular act, a certain dynamic, or a “finish line”), do you stop as soon as you get there and move straight into aftercare or calm-down time?
- Or do you sometimes keep going a bit beyond what was originally discussed if everyone’s still in a good headspace and consenting in the moment?
- How do you balance staying in character or in dynamic vs. checking in and transitioning into aftercare?

Would be great to hear:

- How detailed your pre-scene talks usually are
- Whether you stick strictly to what was agreed, or allow some flexibility
- At what point you personally feel “this is the end of the scene, now it’s aftercare time”

Interested in perspectives from both tops/Doms and bottoms/subs (and switches too) — how does it feel from your side of the slash?

Looking forward to hearing how others approach this.

Sources

[Ba****]

An analogy i really love is the sub draws the lines and the Dominant ***ts them however they want.

All that to say, i expect my limits respected and the essentials communicated clearly. After that, assuming trust is well established, it’s fair game. We will have our markers and our safe words. But ultimately I just trust the people I play with

[Ca****]

Very well said Back… personally I’d like to have a foundation for the first time. I’m with some. Clear expectations a road map if you will. Yes sometimes things get a little blurry, but it’s always kept on the course that’s agreed upon. Then with familiarity, you start to learn the tendencies and they start to learn yours.
I don’t think anyone should be scared to ever express concerns limits, wants…. Some of the worst mistakes we could ever make are from assuming.

[fr****]

5 minutes ago, BackRubsNBruises said:

An analogy i really love is the sub draws the lines and the Dominant ***ts them however they want.

All that to say, i expect my limits respected and the essentials communicated clearly. After that, assuming trust is well established, it’s fair game. We will have our markers and our safe words. But ultimately I just trust the people I play with

That’s a great analogy. In my early years I was always told that a sub in sub space can not consent to anything outside of what was discussed and agreed to before play starts. I have heard lots of horror stories but like every relationship trust needs to be built first x

[Ba****]

4 minutes ago, fr3akyfriday said:

That’s a great analogy. In my early years I was always told that a sub in sub space can not consent to anything outside of what was discussed and agreed to before play starts. I have heard lots of horror stories but like every relationship trust needs to be built first x

I fully agree that nobody can consent completely whilst in the throes of a scene. Emotions are heightened, sub/ Dom space is real… you cannot ethically negotiate boundaries during that time. But if the boundaries are laid out ahead of time… then you have freedom

[fr****]

2 minutes ago, BackRubsNBruises said:

I fully agree that nobody can consent completely whilst in the throes of a scene. Emotions are heightened, sub/ Dom space is real… you cannot ethically negotiate boundaries during that time. But if the boundaries are laid out ahead of time… then you have freedom

I’m so glad there are others out there that still understand what Thais should be about.

[Ba****]

1 minute ago, fr3akyfriday said:

I’m so glad there are others out there that still understand what Thais should be about.

I find people involved irl are more open to this than those who secure meets and play from online connections

[Am****]

As a Malle dom I talk about it a lot as I want to be open with what I want. I also want my sub to feel her and a bit prepared. I want to trust them and best way is talk t out and see what they say. I’m super into a breeding kink and super rough sex and with the right play partner CNC that why I talk it out. Also help me not overthink things!

[Ba****]

6 minutes ago, Aman94 said:

As a Malle dom I talk about it a lot as I want to be open with what I want. I also want my sub to feel her and a bit prepared. I want to trust them and best way is talk t out and see what they say. I’m super into a breeding kink and super rough sex and with the right play partner CNC that why I talk it out. Also help me not overthink things!

When cnc is on the table, surely you have to overthink things? That’s edge play and so requires extra layers of communication and understanding. Not just the standard agreements?

[B0****]

I'm on both sides of the fence here as each person is different. I've made in person connections where its a go with the flow. Safe words are set before any play begins. And if at any point in time a scene i planned out myself is crossing any boundaries or unwanted, soft safeword is used. If at any point in time we need to stop, hard safeword is said and they're relatively easy to remember like colors.

On the other hand, ive had online connections where a scene was discussed with said person or multiple scenes laid out with the option to choose(ex: doctors visit, cnc, home invasion, dinner and movie, strictly bdsm, etc) and let them choose which they would like. On day of meet, checking to see if its still the wanted scene so i can have everything set on place. That way nothing is a surprise. Ive seen it builds anticipation and can heighten the arousal of knowing what's coming and how things will go. Again It just all depends on each individual.