Popular Post ta**** Posted March 3 Popular Post Early January I met a man who introduced me to BDSM, claiming to be a pleasure dom. I’d never actually experienced any BDSM before, 3somes yes. We talked for awhile then I went to meet him. Long 1st night was nice. 2nd night was nice, with a little more intensity. I accidentally fell asleep. As I was dressing to leave the next morning, someone tried coming in, with a key. We quickly turned from from sex to relationship to m/s. No conversations, no boundaries, just movement account across roles. In the matter of 4 weeks he left twice with no warning or explanation. Just blocked me in every way. Last week, things got weird as I was putting pieces together that didn’t fit. Upon confrontation, I was the bad one. I made the decision: handed him his house key and said bye. Now, it’s only bad when I’m alone. I just don’t get, if that’s not what he wanted, why’d he push for it?
Ni**** Posted March 3 Sounds hurtful. I can't really touch on the BDSM part as I'm totally new to this app/world. But I can touch on dating someone (years ago) who did this pattern. He'd get mad at me, block me yada yada. It seems so clear now as I type but I later found out he was always cheating on me in those moments. Or attempting to atleast. Maybe he's playing these sort od games too. Give it some time, as I type this now, I'm so glad it's done. Be happy. You'll find someone more deserving.
ba**** Posted March 3 It sounds to me like he was playing the field and not being truthful with anyone, and when he got caught by one, he was trying to cover his tracks by blocking everyone else. You were right to give him his key back because he was not the person for you.
ra**** Posted March 3 I would highly recommend going to munches as you will find better people if you want to continue down the aisle with BDSM because you want to find a good munch where you can find people that will help teach you about BDSM or go to informational munches. There are a”doms and dommes” that have no clue what they’re doing or if they do don’t care about how they treat somebody morning, clear boundaries and clear communication in the pursuit of BDSM is Paramount
ra**** Posted March 3 That also might not be the answer that you were looking for, but if he brought you in fresh with no information, did things with you that’s not good communication you don’t just jump right into a D/s relationship overnight. I hope if you continue in the kinky lifestyle that you find somebody that will be better and healthier partner and won’t make you confused.
sh**** Posted March 3 I used to do that and it moved too quickly, and somebody suggested that I go and pursue vanilla first and let it develop naturally
Ha**** Posted March 3 Tel he only obvious answer is that something was a secret from someone else who had a key! Relationship, another sub, or??? Without any explanation, all you know for sure is that you were not being told everything. You deserve, and are entitled to be, treated with respect. No matter what you and another person choose to engage in, even “CNC - abduction,” the submissive consent only exists when you grant it to someone. You can’t consent to shit you don’t know about, parameters, that are unclear and other people sharing sexual fluids, and possibly more, if you don’t know. Not names, not intimate details, but the existence of these things. Why do men/women lie? Most often to get Something (p**sy, c**k, $$, fill in the blank). Some lie because that is the only way they know how to live. Questions, even uncomfortable questions, are necessary up front. Even if it kills the options for f**king, it doesn’t matter. We weren’t f**king before, if my relevant questions kill it, it’s probably best, no Matter how bad I want you. To me, it’s the f**king ghosting!! We are engaging in the most *** of activities. Decades of conditioning and overthinking and second guessing and shame, all on display. It is one of the things that makes this type of sex so out of this world, but most human beings are sensitive and if you ghost a morherf**ker, f**k you. You diners my sh*t, they don’t need yours. If you can’t have human decency here, then f**k off. My 2 cents.
Wh**** Posted March 3 BDSM relationships are about building trust, he was not about that, he was about kinky sex and control. Run, don’t walk away from that man!
Yi**** Posted March 3 You said It happened in 2 days and you woke up the next morning and now it's four weeks. What is going on here
Tr**** Posted March 3 Vetting is so very important and yes ask questions if they get nasty they aren't for real people in this lifestyle who are legit will not make you feel bad for it or less than they will want to make sure you are comfortable and more than aware of what's going on and what to expect in no way should you be left feeling more confused with a real one .
Tr**** Posted March 3 45 minutes ago, HardLove said: Tel he only obvious answer is that something was a secret from someone else who had a key! Relationship, another sub, or??? Without any explanation, all you know for sure is that you were not being told everything. You deserve, and are entitled to be, treated with respect. No matter what you and another person choose to engage in, even “CNC - abduction,” the submissive consent only exists when you grant it to someone. You can’t consent to shit you don’t know about, parameters, that are unclear and other people sharing sexual fluids, and possibly more, if you don’t know. Not names, not intimate details, but the existence of these things. Why do men/women lie? Most often to get Something (p**sy, c**k, $$, fill in the blank). Some lie because that is the only way they know how to live. Questions, even uncomfortable questions, are necessary up front. Even if it kills the options for f**king, it doesn’t matter. We weren’t f**king before, if my relevant questions kill it, it’s probably best, no Matter how bad I want you. To me, it’s the f**king ghosting!! We are engaging in the most *** of activities. Decades of conditioning and overthinking and second guessing and shame, all on display. It is one of the things that makes this type of sex so out of this world, but most human beings are sensitive and if you ghost a morherf**ker, f**k you. You diners my sh*t, they don’t need yours. If you can’t have human decency here, then f**k off. My 2 cents. Very very very well said
Je**** Posted March 3 Sounds like you fell into a role that is natural to who you are, and that should be explored further with someone who is truly interested in communication and your overall wellbeing. A Pleasure Dom is vastly different from a Master. I’d say focus more on how you felt in both of these dynamics, and try to embrace that side of yourself, and good for you for walking away when it no longer felt right.
ra**** Posted March 3 Most people make the mistake of rushing through a vetting process at least once. No dom with any real knowledge and experience will have a problem answering as many questions as it takes in order for you to feel safe meeting up with them. Not all, but most will suggest meeting in person to talk more over drinks or for coffee first. And just a tip from someone who tries to at least do my due diligence to make sure someone who says they’re single is actually single…. communication patterns, times/days of the week, etc It’s not a guarantee nor is it an automatic red flag but if you think something is off, then it’s perfectly fine to postpone meeting for another week or so 🤷🏻♀️
ra**** Posted March 4 2 hours ago, Jennwith2Nns said: Sounds like you fell into a role that is natural to who you are, and that should be explored further with someone who is truly interested in communication and your overall wellbeing. A Pleasure Dom is vastly different from a Master. I’d say focus more on how you felt in both of these dynamics, and try to embrace that side of yourself, and good for you for walking away when it no longer felt right. Piggybacking on this to add that just because an individual lists a specific on their profile doesn’t mean they have any genuine knowledge or real life experience in it. Some people actually just pick one they think fits best since there’s only one option on this site, as far as I know. Never a bad idea to ask questions about whether there are others they’re comfortable with because yeah…big difference between a pleasure dom and a master.
Ba**** Posted March 4 Well most has been said already except Research If you come across something you know nothing about look it up before you try it, most of the red flags you missed are among the easiest to find Information out there And for your last question my first guess would be: naive compliance Because that’s something you only get from someone who doesn’t know better and a reason not to educate them But not everyone with a dick is one and this could have ended way worse
Ry**** Posted March 4 This story occurs way to often. And it is frustrating because it makes kink feel so unsafe. Especially for women or femme presenting individuals. Like these people need to grow up and just say what they want.
we**** Posted March 4 I don't know what its worth but alot say they want one then and do more to show something. There are alot that don't understand what it means and do what feels right then cant keep it up and run.
66**** Posted March 4 I used to be like that. Hurt people hurt people. Forgive and move on if you can. Wish I could tell you something better but some people are in a place where they forget people other than themselves matter, especially when intimate.
Ni**** Posted March 4 Agreed. That is a red flag 😳 Any possibility of a scene should be negotiated and should have references.
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