pa**** Posted March 4 You need to develop screening questions. Always have coffee first. Keep in mind lots of people are lying or pretending to be a Dom. Some of them will be good actors and slip through your screening questions. Some signs of a good Dom, they will take an interest, they will ask you lots of questions and answer any you have. They will arrange somewhere to play. Don't do it at your house. They could be crazy. They will arrange somewhere to play, it will be nice, they will pay for it, they will make it easy. They will arrange the place prior, they will send you links. They will be kind to you and look after you during play while also being rough with you, hurting and degrading you and having rough sex. They will do all that stuff simultaneously. They will not make out it's a big problem to find somewhere to play. They will not whinge about cost. If they do something wrong they will genuinely apologise. Even if it doesn't work out they will make you feel beautiful and valued. They will act interested and they won't ignore you for days. They will be naturally dominant and confident. They will not lie to you. They might try and mindf**k you. This should feel enjoyable like a big cat moving through your mind. It shouldn't feel manipulative or icky. Things will be easy. They will make it easy. If there is stuff they want to do that you don't like they will make you want it and you will feel like it's your idea. They will understand the movement of energy during play. They will see you and they will like you.
Ba**** Posted March 4 10 hours ago, tabs_524 said: Munches? A sort of casual community get together for meeting people and sharing information
Ro**** Posted March 4 I would have walked away the moment things deviated from his original stated intentions. Knowing that moment only comes from experiencing this. Don't give up there is someone out there that will stay true to their words. Refuse to become anything other than you are willing to be. Stand in that boundary
Deleted Member Posted March 4 How do get in a relationship 3 days after meeting ? It doesn't hurt to slow down when vetting someone.
ta**** Posted March 4 Author I appreciate all the words of wisdom, truly. I think no it best if I lay low for awhile physically and work on platonic relationships, observe, and learn for awhile. Thanks again.đ«
Co**** Posted March 4 There is no way to guess why this person acted this way (although married and cheating sounds likely). Just know that not everyone is like this.
ta**** Posted March 5 Author âJust say what they want.â Thatâs exactly it. His psychic skills were not as good as he thought. It just would have been honest honest when I askedâŠ
MT**** Posted March 5 I am so sorry you are going through this, but please know that what youâre describing isnât a failure on your part, itâs a textbook performance of manipulation. In my own work and life, Iâve seen how people use fast-forward tactics, like jumping into an m/s dynamic without real boundaries, as a way to bypass your defenses before you even know who they really are. When he blocked you twice in a month without warning, he was using a discard tactic to keep you in a state of confusion and emotional withdrawal, making sure he kept all the power even while he was gone. When you finally confronted the pieces that didnât fit and he flipped it to make you the bad one, he was likely using DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) to avoid being held accountable for his own inconsistencies. It is incredibly brave that you handed back that key; you aren't bad for noticing the cracks in his act, you're just someone who refused to play a role in a cowardâs playground any longer. It only feels bad when youâre alone because the withdrawal from that high-intensity escalation is real, but you did the right thing by walking away from a script you never signed up for. Not everyone is like this in the community, but I find that ***rs use 'pleasure Dom' as a way to bypass the hard work of building actual trust and safety. In a healthy dynamic, consent and boundaries are the foundation, but a manipulator uses that title as a mask to fast-forward through your defenses and ignore the responsibility that comes with the role. Moving forward, remember that communication is the absolute biggest and most important factor in any dynamic. If someone isn't willing to have the hard conversations about boundaries and expectations from the very beginning, they aren't worth your time. Real power comes from transparency, not from silence or blocking someone when things get real. You deserve a partner who values your voice as much as the connection itself.
Ka**** Posted March 5 BDSM relationships can be very intense, since you're sharing secrets (usually the kinkies are not known by family and friends). It's very common to develop a hard crush on your first kinky partner. We have to keep in mind that EVERY relationship, of any nature, takes time. Stay on your own ground and take the time to actually connect with a person, pay attention to every sign. It's normal to bump into bad partners, pretty much the same way as in vanilla world. I wish you a quick recovery, do not give up BDSM because of lame people and value yourself more than everybody else. đ
my**** Posted March 5 The coming in with a key part of the story never gets paid off. Also from no BDSM to M/s. One of the two of you is impressive. It could be him for leading you to that place or you for needing to make that transition but not knowing what it was. Iâm sorry it didnât work out for you. Do your best to deal with the baggage and leave it behind for your next relationship.
sa**** Posted March 7 Doesn't respect boundaries and hides things?All I have to say to that is good. Riddance
lu**** Posted March 10 This sounds like my ex. Learn to set boundaries and keep them. Know youâre worth more than how he treated you
Recommended Posts