jinxed Posted March 6 (edited) There are distinct stages in my addiction to you. It starts with a bout of self-optimisation in an effort to become pure perfection for you. I shun away from any food that might pollute my *** or skin. I start to wear clothes that highlight the shape of my ass and breasts, though never a cleavage as it's not about presenting your possession to other men. I sculpt my muscles even more vigorously, calling the sound of your voice to mind when I'm struggling, commanding me to try harder. It is you who gives me the energy and discipline that I need to stick to this regime. This is a time when there's pride and beauty in my every move. Then it starts to change. Mania is replaced by strain. The long nights spent writing to you and tensely awaiting your response start to show on my face. The excessive amount of masturbation with increasingly hazardous toys leaves behind small injuries that accumulate over time and cause p@in when I sit down, walk or bend forward. The constant scrutiny of my own behaviour and presentation puts a tense look on my face. It is you who takes away my liveliness and ease. This is a time when a leaden fatigue envelops my every thought. It is in this second stage where you find me now. I carry exhaustion with me wherever I go. I try to leave you, explaining to you that our liaison eats away at me, making you understand what repulsive monster from my past I see in you, hoping to make you feel nauseated enough to let me go. And it works. For some minutes you consider turning away from me in disgust. But you can't. You need me as much as I need you. You are just as addicted to my craziness, my extremeness, the hyperbole that is my existence. You don't fight for me, no, that's below you. You simply offer a tiny dose, knowing that it's all it takes to make me relapse and tumble back into our sexual vortex. Fine, if that's what you want.. I will still use you as my wanking material. I lie in bed, the last sentence running wild in my head, steadily growing in meaning and urgency. The wetness in my panties reveals what is happening inside of me. I'm losing control. You are taking over. Again. I hate my brain, I hate my body, I hate you. I want - no I need to be used by you and I need to release the tension that is building! My cuddly toy that was meant to console me tonight, moves between my legs where it pushes against my pussy, its softness the perfect pad to rub against. I need more! I need you to control me! I beg you to make me repeat something for you, a plea you have just been waiting for, and your message arrives promptly: "I am his slut and want to do what he tells me to." Gratitude floods through me as I read it out loud. At first tentatively, then with more and more conviction, the thought turning into a fact. Yes, I am your slut. I want to do what you tell me. Anything and everything. My own volition is overridden. And still, I need more! I grab my favourite butt plug, expect it to simply slide in, but it takes strength and adamancy to make it enter. As I close my eyes, you emerge behind me, on top of me, your beautiful cock gliding in and out of my ass, stretching my hole wide open, filling it with warmth and voluptuousness, making me shout out my line over and over again, the only interruption my moans, which you cut off by growling into my ear Stop whining! So I quickly bite my lips to teach them to only let out what pleases you and now all I can feel is your power, fucking me, luring me back into your dominion, owning me. You push deeper, harder, faster and tell me to come while affirming once again that I am yours. A wave of intoxic@tion sweeps me away and I orgasm with a dizzying intensity.. *************** With my eyes still shut and my heart still racing, I realise that stage three is palpable. My body will crumble, then my mind will fall into despondency and eventually you will wound my soul so deeply that the last ounce of self-preservation within me will leave me no choice but to find refuge. Far away from you. Maybe I'll stay there for a month, maybe for a year. However long it will be until that next night that I cannot survive without you. Edited March 6 by jinxed
la**** Posted March 7 Wow hat sounds almost like every relationship I've ever had almost to a tee ! Have you been watching my whole life intensely so close you don't miss hardly any detail . I wonder ????
Si**** Posted March 7 Thank you for this writing, it touched me. I think relationships or dynamics get heavy when we forget our sense of self worth, it's important to keep loving ourselves first and foremost. Only then can we be healthily obsessed with our partner. It's difficult.
jinxed Posted March 7 Author 9 minutes ago, SirL_anon said: Thank you for this writing, it touched me. I think relationships or dynamics get heavy when we forget our sense of self worth, it's important to keep loving ourselves first and foremost. Only then can we be healthily obsessed with our partner. It's difficult. I'm learning how to do this right now. Tricky.
Mr**** Posted March 9 What a beautiful expression. It’s very well written. Thank you for sharing the vulnerability. It’s quite relatable.
Wi**** Posted Wednesday at 12:24 PM The fire that burns eternal. It lights the very spirit of a person, but the danger is the absence of the immediate presence. The one that looks into your eyes and says, "Slow down, girl, there's no hurry. " The real danger is that safe words only work when someone is there who knows when and how to en*** them, else the @addiction may become all possessive. Claiming you and changing the light into a burning ember. One that is in control of itself and it will not relinquish control. It now owns you, not a Dom or a Master,but the desire that goes beyond want or need. It becomes possessive necessitie, and it is consuming until the ember becomes a white hot blaze. It's like walking a tightrope over a lava flow without a net. You express the things that tells, I have been there. Most people would never guess, that's a really dangerous place to go alone and it can be hard to come back without a guide. My personal idea as a Master is that "Being the One in charge is a tremendous responsibility. It means that the One in charge isn't just in charge of the sub/slave. They have to possess self-control as well. Lest the addict becomes lost forever. " . Of course, that's just my opinion. "The long nights spent writing to you and tensely awaiting your response start to show on my face." Suggest at least a good portion of the relationship is not in person. That's probably okay for some people, but not for the experienced @ddict. No,the experienced @ddict should never be left alone in that state, lest they become consumed by the fire.
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